Still Trying Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Seems to be a pattern with me. Once I date someone for about 3 months or so I start to lose interest. I'm getting kind of tired of feeling this way but I always have - even with long term relationships I always meet this little hiccup along the 3 or 4 month mark. Does this happen with anyone else? I'm sure it does. Feel free to comment directly on this paragraph or read on for more personal dribble... Currently I'm happy in my relationship but there's already little hints of annoyance on both ends. Some times I think neither one of us is as attentive as we should or could be. She gets distracted by family, friends and work a lot when spending time with me. I'm certainly not as engaged in her conversations at times as I feel I should be. We speak daily, and now we're spending a fair amount of time together, maybe 3 days a week +, - a day which is fine with me. I'll take quality over quantity. Point is that I hate small talk, I really do and I think that turns her off when I don't want to necessarily discuss our day to day business every night. I know she gets annoyed at me when I don't automatically ask how her day was - which is fair. I should be asking how my girlfriend's day was, I get that but she'll get very sarcastic with me and say, "oh, my day was fine, thanks for asking - <annoyed laugh>" - and of course that turns me off even more as I don't go for the guilt trip thing. Yesterday she asked me two fairly important personal questions, both of which I have answered in the past. Didn't know when my birthday was, which I thought was weird, and I told her. We're both on facebook and my dob is listed right under my photo - you can cheat and look! Then asking me what my national background was - I've told her that I didn't really know but that I was a mutt essentially. She's from a PROUD Italian family and I respect that but it's clear that her family traditions are much stronger and well, traditional than my family. She's made comments many times about being sad about being away from them. It wasn't until last night that I suggested that she could always move back near them if that was what's really important to her. I don't see her doing this and I understand missing family members as I'm in the same boat, but it does seem to be a theme that we've discussed many times. I don't know if anything I think I'm just beginning to get into a settled routine already and I'm not sure I like it. The first few months are always so hot and passionate and then we all let our true colors hang right out. Is that what happens? This is why I've suggested taking the sex out of the equation for the first couple of months in past threads. I've never even considered doing that - crazy talk but I think that great sex has always clouded my judgment and that I fall for people who are generally not compatible with me in the long run. I do seem to get involved with these career minded people who don't understand my obsession with fitness. I don't understand their obsession with their jobs either. Maybe I should be looking for an athlete who shares some similar passions? Seems like I'm happier when I'm able to "train" versus working my butt off - so it's what I pursue... sorry, stream of consciousness. Any thoughts? I think I'm still figuring out what qualities in a person are really important to me. Always room to grow and things to learn. So, in closing I suppose it's not that I've lost interest with my GF it's that I'm afraid I'm going to because it's always happened in the past. I feel like we're both going through the motions a bit so to speak and it's scary that it's happening so soon in the relationship. I could simply step it up and be that romantic guy - however if you've been following my story you'll learn that I've been the one who has historically gone out of their way for the other person. Suppose I'm just seeing if she'll reach out for me.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 she's not going to reach out for a person who doesn't seem interested. You don't like small talk................other people perceive asking how that person's day went as taking an interest in that person, not small talk. Maybe if you seem more interested, she'll reach out. But if you're saying that you seem to lose interest around the 3/4 month timeframe.................it sounds like you don't really want a serious relationship. perhaps you're not emotionally attached to these girls. you say that great sex clouds your perception of the person and the relationship. you seem to know the answer to this for yourself already. The great sex is important, but you're not that interested in what goes on in this girls day to day life. it seems like your priorities are very clear. To me, it sounds like you're not interested in sticking around when "annoyances" begin to show. where's the long term potential in that? are you looking for perfection? it doesn't exist.
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