Shygirl15 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 A little background which might have led the scenario in question: Recently, my BF has been having a lot of disagreements with his STBXW. She feels that he has not been spending time with the kids as much lately; infact she accuses him of avoiding spending time with kids. Therefore she demanded that he stays with the kids at the minimum of 10 weekends in a row to which he reluctantly agreed later on, so since 3 weeks ago he has been staying with the kids all weekend, which leaves no time to spend with me except maybe week days. I was okay with this during the first two weeks, however my patience ran out during V-day weekend. Again, he was with the kids. ME, alone (well, with my son of course, but alone in terms of a real companion). Thankfully, I was moving into a new home, so that kept me busy all weekend. Still, in between I couldn't help feeling a little depressed with all this staying-with-the-kids drama. Keep in mind even though I have a child myself, I'm pretty much free to do whatever I like anytime I want because I have put reliable arrangements for someone to take care of my son, so that I also live an enjoyable life the way other people of my age do. But now, all that is not happening because BF is not available anyway, so I'm left with a lot of free time on my hands thinking about things I really shouldn't be thinking about. Now, come this morning an ex of mine -who later on turned into a good friend- calls me up and asked for a lunch date, to which I agreed. I have been feeling so low and lonely, so he seemed like the right guy to lift my spirits up. I decide to call my BF just to let him know of this, but then it goes to VM, and I felt awkward leaving a complete message on VM, so I just asked him to call me back ASAP. By the time my ex picks me up for lunch, BF had not called back just yet. So I go out, had a nice lunch and wonderful conversation then he drives me back to my office. As he walks me to the door of my building, guess who do I see standing with a bouquet of flowers? BF. So now the atmosphere becomes tense. Both guys know one another and their respective positions with me. I guess I started mumbling things but BF cuts me short and says that he brought me flowers to say he's sorry because he knew I was unhappy about V-day weekend and the other 2 weekends that we didn't spend together. He didn't appear to want much discussion then, and stormed off immediately after he handled me the flowers. I know he's very upset. But I had no intention of going behind his back, like I explained before. Any advice on how to let him understand this? Should I leave him to calm down a bit or just talk to him tonite? Incase he decides to answer my phone call, that is. Now, do I apologize, or does that mean I accept faults/agree there was some fishy business going on? PS: Before you wonder why don't we all just spend the weekend together like one big happy family, one of his kids is a total nightmare so there's no way I can spend the weekend together with his kids for now. This was my choice.
Author Shygirl15 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 I guess silence means I must have done something wrong, right?
gopher Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I don't know about wrong but....if the situation were reversed, what would your reaction be? It seems like you are very focused on yourself and what you want in all of this, sorry if that is not really the case....
Author Shygirl15 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 I guess I wouldn't be too happy either. I didn't call him last night and neither did he. Any advice how to resolve this? I don't like the direction this situation is now heading.
bayouboi Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I guess I wouldn't be too happy either. I didn't call him last night and neither did he. Any advice how to resolve this? I don't like the direction this situation is now heading. if only you'd have realized that before you went out with someone else?
Author Shygirl15 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks, but like I said, there wasn't any fishy business and I had fully intended to let him know I was going out with my friend. Anyway, the damage is done. It would be nice to stay positive and offer advice on a way forward. I can't undo what has already been done, unfortunately.
bayouboi Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I have been feeling so low and lonely, so he seemed like the right guy to lift my spirits up. Well, I think most of us read that you're not being honest with yourself and I think it's because of the word 'lonely'. Had that word been left out and the sentence reread, then it seems the intentions would be more platonic. That's just my take, but perhaps others as well. But on moving forward and being positive, at least now you have a painful experience to think back to when faced with a choice like this in the future. You'll be able to ask yourself 'Hmm...how would this pan out if I just so happen to bump into my current boyfriend while out with an ex?' and then hopefully you will make a better decision.
Author Shygirl15 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 What do you mean by saying I'm not being honest with myself? Do you mean I had secretly intended to hook up with my ex? You've got it all wrong. I'm sorry if that's how it came out in my post. Anyhow, I'm going to email my boyfriend this afternoon and explain to him exactly what I have written here. My ex is also going to call him and explain the situation as well, so that everything is all cleared.
Recommended Posts