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Her bf is overseas in the Navy, im the other guy with her here

dreamline

By dreamline
in The Other Man / Woman

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dreamline New Member

dreamline

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ive been dating this girl for about 2 months now and she has a live in boyfriend thats in the navy. when he goes out to sea and at school is the only time i get to see her . i have fallen in love with her and she says that she wants to be with me. she tells me she is miserable when she is with him but that she doesnt want to hurt him by breaking up with him .she also says she loves him. they have been together for a year. i know i can make her happy and have told her this but all she says is "Im confused i dont know what to do" i have told her what to do break it off with him. now i am miserable because all i want is to spend some time with her and i cant so she can keep me a secret from him. please any input on this matter would be greatly appreciated (dumping her is not an option)

Tony T Established Member

Tony T

Posted
Posted

1. "when he goes out to sea and at school is the only time i get to see her."

Well isn't that special. So you're falling for a gal who cheats on her boyfriends. Lots of luck!

 

2. "i have fallen in love with her and she says that she wants to be with me."

 

Yeah, right. If she wanted to be with you she would.

 

3. "she tells me she is miserable when she is with him but that she doesnt want to hurt him by breaking up with him."

 

So this girl is crazy too. She would rather remain miserable the rest of her life than break up with somebody. Sounds pretty spineless and inconsiderate as well.

 

4. "she also says she loves him."

 

Yeah, right! He makes her miserable and yet she loves him. I think she talks out of both sides of her mouth or she's on some powerful drugs.

 

5. "i know i can make her happy and have told her this"

 

You don't have the power to make anybody happy...sorry. Every person is responsible for their own happiness. So what exactly would you do that would suddenly make her bubble over with joy about being in the universe?

 

6. "... but all she says is "Im confused i dont know what to do"."

 

Confused is an understatement. This lady doesn't have a clue. But I'm sure somewhere in there is a lot of guilt about screwing around on her sailorboy while he's away defending our country.

 

7. "i have told her what to do break it off with him."

 

If she wasn't getting something out of the deal, she would break it off. My bet is that he's sending her money, lots of it, from his monthly check because he's on a ship somewhere and has nothing to spend it on. She's not going to give up that kind of gravy train for you or anybody else. Meanwhile, the dummy has no idea the love of his life is taking his money and screwing another guy.

 

8. "now i am miserable because all i want is to spend some time with her and i cant so she can keep me a secret from him. please any input on this matter would be greatly appreciated (dumping her is not an option)"

 

This girl has issues with hair on them. Get away from her. Order some ethics and morals from the Internet and then wait until your love interest has formally broken it off with her Navyman. Once she is a free agent, then you should go for it. You'll never, ever be happy participating in something like this and you'll never be a winner. If there's stuff she's not telling her boyfriend, you can bet there's even more she's not telling you.

VASH THE STAMPEDE Established Member

VASH THE STAMPEDE

Posted
Posted

I agree with tony 94% ,you could make some one happy.so that part i cant agree with.

back to the subject at hand,shes no good .whats going to keep her from doing this to you?you could make her happy but that does matter.im willing to bet the sailor makes her happy by sending his checks over to her,but to her it does matter.

so you would have to rethink your "dumping is not an option"theory.where are your morals man ,hes home and hes getting some cooter(god i hate that word)and your at home thinking how to keep her.

so rethink your situation,dont ask her to dump him it has to be her choice.

you can not love someone who has all these problems,shes taking you for a ride.

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted

I agree 100% with Tony.

 

And if dumping her is not an option, then put on your best door-mat suit and lay down.

 

You can not make someone else happy. You can do things that you hope will bring happiness into her life, but if she chooses not to be happy then she won't be - no matter what you do.

 

Bite the bullet and dump her. She is treating you like dirt. Have you ever heard the expression "actions speak louder than words"? Well, her actions are saying, [color=darkred]I don't love you[/color], [color=darkblue]I don't care how you feel[/color], [color=blue]I don't resepect you[/color], [color=indigo]It's all about me and you don't count. [/color]

 

Now, if she were to ever actually SAY those things to you, using those exact words - would you still stay with her?

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dreamline New Member

dreamline

Posted
  • Author
Posted

ok let me clarify some things she IS going to break up with her bf she just doesnt want to hurt him which is understandable.

im impatient, waiting is not my forte` i have told her i will let her alone so she can make an unbiased decision.

 

what i meant by "make her happy" was that if she was with me she wouldnt have to go through the **** she is going through right now. ie. the arguing fighting and so forth she also has 2 children that are in the mix and they dont like him because of his verbal abuse toward her.

 

you dont just stop loving someone there will always be a place for him in her heart but i know and so does she that she is not IN LOVE with him. she is waiting for the right moment to let him go.

 

about your comment about her getting money from him is totally wrong he gives her nothing to live there he is a freeloader in my book and i dont like that he takes advantage of her like that

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted
ok let me clarify some things she IS going to break up with her bf she just doesnt want to hurt him which is understandable.

 

Well, I don't understand. At what point does she not hurt him? Wait until that relationship gets so bad that HE leaves? Make him miserable for a while so that he's happy she's leaving? Wait for a neighbor to make a domestic disturbance call the police and her, or the kids, to be hurt?

 

Maybe it will work out for you, but it still sounds like she's very selfish and uncaring about your feelings and may turn around and cheat on you someday. How would you feel if your gf had been cheating on you for a while but didn't tell you because she didn't want to hurt you? Would it hurt any less to find out another way? Would it hurt any less to watch the relationship deteriorate?

 

And if there is verbal abuse and arguing, etc. in her relationship with sailorboy, why is she still with him at all? Certainly she should put her children first and get them out of that environment. Don't their feelings and needs come before "hurting" sailorboy?

 

It sounds like what you need to do is tell her to make a choice RIGHT NOW because you will not tolerate the disrespect and the sneaking around. If she says she can't, then make the decision for her and leave. Find someone who will respect you and treat you right.

  • 3 weeks later...
ArdeaCandidissima Established Member

ArdeaCandidissima

Posted
Posted

You're not Mr. Right, you're Mr. Right Now.

 

She caaaan't be...with the one she loves...

So she loovvvves the one she's with!

Honey, loves the one she's with!

 

- by The Doors or whomever

amerikajin Established Member

amerikajin

Posted
Posted

Here's the low-down.

 

She's not married. She isn't committed. So she's not committing the ultimate sin.

 

But...

 

She is lying to him, and she's lying to you, too. About the only thing dumber than the girl for giving you the "She doesn't want to hurt him" crap is you for actually being gullible enough to accept her copout.

 

A little nookie once in a while is okay but I wouldn't try for anything long-term with her.

 

But remember, too, there are risks in getting involved with girls with boyfriends. Some of them might not take it too well. So if you get a call from someone saying "Why you been messin with my woman?!" Just lie about it "You're woman?! I thought she was my woman."

mattdad Member

mattdad

Posted
Posted

Take my advice, partner - if they're cheating on omeone else to see you, you have a 100% guarantee that they will do the same to you!!! In my 40-plus years it has ALWAYS proven to be the case.

Don't walk - RUN away from this woman and don't look back. In the long run you'll be glad you did!

  • 2 years later...
karma_25 New Member

karma_25

Posted
Posted
ive been dating this girl for about 2 months now and she has a live in boyfriend thats in the navy. when he goes out to sea and at school is the only time i get to see her . i have fallen in love with her and she says that she wants to be with me. she tells me she is miserable when she is with him but that she doesnt want to hurt him by breaking up with him .she also says she loves him. they have been together for a year. i know i can make her happy and have told her this but all she says is "Im confused i dont know what to do" i have told her what to do break it off with him. now i am miserable because all i want is to spend some time with her and i cant so she can keep me a secret from him. please any input on this matter would be greatly appreciated (dumping her is not an option)

 

 

 

 

Frankly speaking, if she can cheat him for you, then she can even cheat you for somebody else. I understand that you are madly in love with her and wouldn't want to hear anything against her, but seriously do think about this. It's very clear that she's a very fickle minded lady. if she really does love you a lot then she should be bold enough to walk up to her bf and tell him that she loves somebody else and she wants to go. And moreover what has that poor guy done to deserve being cheated like this. Tell her that if she can't reciprocate to that guys feelings,she should atleast respect his feelings and not hurt him like this.

newbby Established Member

newbby

Posted
Posted

there are a few inconsistencies in her stories to you.

she doesnt want to HURT him, yet he shouts at her children?

she is using you to keep herself entertained whilst he isnt home.

i'm sorry, it's tough, but UNTIL she actually has dumped him, she is not the one for you.

  • 2 weeks later...
Experienced

Experienced

Posted
Posted

First of all, going after a taken woman is a wrong and selfish thing to do. So what if she doesn't love her bf. But now that you know she's cheated on him for you, how would you know she won't cheat on you with another guy? Find a girl who won't keep secret relationships with the man she claims to love.

 

 

ive been dating this girl for about 2 months now and she has a live in boyfriend thats in the navy. when he goes out to sea and at school is the only time i get to see her . i have fallen in love with her and she says that she wants to be with me. she tells me she is miserable when she is with him but that she doesnt want to hurt him by breaking up with him .she also says she loves him. they have been together for a year. i know i can make her happy and have told her this but all she says is "Im confused i dont know what to do" i have told her what to do break it off with him. now i am miserable because all i want is to spend some time with her and i cant so she can keep me a secret from him. please any input on this matter would be greatly appreciated (dumping her is not an option)
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