kashmir Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I seem to have this constant battle of desires. Part of me wants to be the ladies man who gets all the hot girls. Another part of me wants nothing to do with that and just wants one stable, nice, and smart girlfriend who I can share my time with. The first desire seems more applicable in a college environment, and I certainly think I can get it if I put my mind to it, but I usually find that I don't want it enough. When I'm sitting alone in my room reading or whatever like now, I tend to want that. Then I go out, and you know what I realize? Most girls are morons. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be sexist (as I'm sure a lot of guys are morons too), but I'm totally serious. I'm just not compatible with a lot of these girls...at all...not even enough to just have a fling with them. I simply can't act. I can't act like the guy they want to have flings with - the loud and overly-cocky frat guy. There's a guy like that in a lab I have. He's not too bright and is always really loud and pretty rude. He constantly talks about lifting to the girls in the class (though, I'm bigger than him) and they seem to love. I think I even heard one say, "My friend would love you...she loves the cocky ones like you." He slaps them on the ass and stuff. Some of them seemed into me a few weeks ago, but I didn't do that with them. I CAN'T do that with them...I just have a mental/moral block that prevents me from slapping a girl on the butt or being cocky like that. It isn't me. Their interest always fades because of it. There's another guy I knew who was known for saying pretty raunchy stuff to girls. He once passed a girl and said, "I can see your cameltoe from a mile away." He yelled at another girl as she stood up, "You have a f***ing sweet ass!" That was the first thing he said to both of them, and you know what? Both of them slept with him. I partly want to be that guy and I partly don't. I think I have the looks to do it, but it just isn't who I am. I'm contemplating whether to come to a conclusion that I'm just a dork and find a girl who will like me for who I am (and those kind are rare here), but I feel like I COULD make myself into a cocky ass to get the hot girls if I really wanted to.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 bro all you need to do is be yourself but step it up a notch and show a lot of confidence. I know what you mean by wanting to play around and get tons of girls but it is as simple as just going out of your way and talking to them and not looking to anxious. Its confidence not cockiness. I think many girls get turned off by cockiness whereas they get very turned on by a man who shows that he is on top of the world and still a nice down to earth person. And by the way, the guys that grab asses and say incredibly vulgar things to chicks that walk by are the same guys that are going to get their asses kicked by people like me. They are fratboy losers who think they gods because they pay people to be their friends. some girls dig it but that act wont cut it with a real woman.
Still Trying Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 The frat boy's mojo will fade shortly after college. The dork (a-hem, I call it geek from here out) mojo is a slow burning fire, one which will stay with them for a life time. You're in the second group. You're trying to meet girls in the wrong places, those girls are just as bad as the frat boys who chase them. It's college, find the smart geeky girls.
Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Just enjoy life, Kashmir. Don't try to put yourself into a category. I have made that mistake before ("What am I going to be--the quiet girl who waits around for guys to chase her or the outgoing girl at parties?") You don't have to be one or the other extreme. Take advantage of the spontaneity available to you during your college years. Just by God don't act like one of those dickheads you described.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 dorky girls are hot, and you'll realize that as you get older their intellect makes them even hotter!
Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I sometimes read academic journals for fun, but love drinking and going to parties sometimes. See, there are people who like both worlds!
Jaytb Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 party a little bit if you want, but don't get too hung up if you're not apart of that scene. I've seen plenty effects of alcohol to not want to do it. One kid in my dorm threw up all over the bathroom floor after a night out of drinking.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 love connection- Isolde and Kashmir! thats hot
Author kashmir Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Oh, believe me, I fit into both worlds. In the day I have my nose in a physics book. On Saturday night you'll usually find me sipping out of a handle of spiced rum, coming home to play my guitar in the laundry room wasted (it actually doesn't sound bad ). I have the personality of a dork but am a pretty big muscular guy as well. Chris, I've always been shy, but I've come out of my shell more recently. I don't get nervous or anxious around girls anymore, I just always get the impression that they want to get away from me ASAP. Too many times I've talked to a girl, looked her in the eye, smiled, made her laugh, have her touch me, have her compliment me, and then I asked for her number and asked her out, only for her to deny me or give me a fake number. I'm convinced many girls are out there just for the ego boost or getting a guy to hit on them. Almost every one of these girls turned out to be a total bitch, to me and other guys. I just have the raw luck of getting them consistently. This IS New Jersey though...state of rude people. My conditions don't help either. I may feel totally fine and relaxed, but my facial expressions or body language might say different without me knowing. A lot of times people ask me, "what's wrong, you look sad/nervous" when I'm feeling fine.
Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I know what you mean about looking sad when you feel fine. I had an old friend who told me I "always looked like I was about to cry." WTF? I wish I could say the same about guys, as you do about girls (coming out of your shell). I just always feel they have someplace more important to, something more important to accomplish than making idle chitchat with me.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 you play guitar? Are you good? Do you know how many women would swarm to you if they knew you could play them a song? That right there makes you stand out. Make it work in your favor. Thats funny, i get told that I always look pissed off, haha.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Trying to hold down my gag reflex. That guy so deserves to be sued for sexual harassment. I so don't understand why girls go for jerks like that. But if that's not you, don't do it. Seriously - don't corrupt who you are because of the garbage you see around you. God - I'm ashamed for the whole female gender that those girls slept with that guy after those kinds of remarks. Ugh.
collegekid491 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Being cocky portrays the image of being confident. Its possible to be confident without being a ass wipe, but its so loud and in your face its hard for girls to ignore. Trust me when I say, as fun as it looks, its shallow. There's no depth in meaningless sex, its just a male ego booster to be honest :s. You know the answer man, you don't want some chick that is won over with 'hot ass!'. If a girl doesn't spark your interest, then just focus on your bro time! The thing is also, this... running out of words to describe how little I like your classmate lol, is the female populous knows he's a man whore. The quality girls, they don't want to get with that. Do you want to scare away a potential girl because you felt the need to 'feel appreciated'? Dating is a game, but you gotta measure your success with what matters, and its not sex, its finding your SO right? Keep those virtues, don't get desperate, the only thing you should consider is changing your pick up tactics. Throw in confidence, creativity, and style (not saying you don't, but some guys just... no... no lol).
Woggle Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 You have to look at the quality of women these guys. Like atracts like and bottom of the barrel men will attract bottom of the barrel women. Just be yourself there is bound to be at least one woman that finds you attractive and when that happens you will know it is real. When these guys are working their butts off to support one of these skanks who is screwing the neighbor you will have the last laugh. In due time your day will come.
vanilla87 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Guys like that are the reason I don't like to date while I'm still in school. They are just too annoying and can't handle relationships all that well. They like to party too much and love sleeping around. Also any guy that calls a girl like that and sleeps with her still, is the kind of girl that lacks moral respect on some level, usually cause she craves attention of some kind, which is the kind of girls you want to stay away from. You should be happy that you want an intelligent girl that accepts you for who you are, cause it is hard to find some in college, but once you finally get past usually the first year or two, its just easier to find the good ones, cause the ones that can't make it through college or show their not so bright colors, usually are avoidable by that time. So don't give up all hope, you just have to keep looking, but more so pay attention to the girls that don't pay attention to the cocky jocky guys that hog the attention, those are the girls that are probably going to grab your interest, you might just be surprised....
movingonandon Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 1. since when being a well-adjusted gentleman with some dose of self-respect startet to equal dork/geek/whatever?!?? 2. the true source of your battle of desires is that you can't stand the women you describe, but you still want to sleep with them (nothing wrong with that:)). (But, you won't do it because of 1 above) You can still learn something from 2 that will help your future interaction though - there is a little insecure girl in any woman out there, so you have absolutely no reason to be intimidated by any girl . The difference in your case will be that you won't exploit those insecurities (like the frat boy), but will appreciate and rectify them instead, which will draw women to you like a piece of bacon . The key is to behave this way just because you're larger than life, not because you expect anything in return. It's hard to do in college, but your true success with women will begin the moment you stop needing something (anything, even booty ) from them. Sure, you'll miss on some lays, but you'll keep your self respect to the max (and the burning sensation during urination to a min). In other words, no need not to be a gentleman even to the moronic girls. Some of them could have a surprise awakening and swing by your dorm room . In the meantime, focus on working out, studying, the guitar, and the narrowing window of opportunity to rock the long hair .
Author kashmir Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks for the replies. you play guitar? Are you good? Do you know how many women would swarm to you if they knew you could play them a song? That right there makes you stand out. Make it work in your favor. Yes, I'm good. There are times when I play in a show and get nervous and screw up...but that's mostly for dumb talent shows for prizes where they have all these rules and time limits. When I'm given 20-40 minutes, I can play and sing my heart out. In warmer weather I'll go outside on a Friday night and play on campus. I'll usually get a dozen or so people who stick around. Trying to hold down my gag reflex. That guy so deserves to be sued for sexual harassment. I so don't understand why girls go for jerks like that. But if that's not you, don't do it. Seriously - don't corrupt who you are because of the garbage you see around you. God - I'm ashamed for the whole female gender that those girls slept with that guy after those kinds of remarks. Ugh. Yeah...I know I don't want to be like him, but it's tempting to do it just to get laid. Being cocky portrays the image of being confident. Its possible to be confident without being a ass wipe, but its so loud and in your face its hard for girls to ignore. Trust me when I say, as fun as it looks, its shallow. There's no depth in meaningless sex, its just a male ego booster to be honest :s. There have been times where I felt awesome about myself and felt I could do anything. I was happy, confident, and not very shy at all. Still though, the loud ass wipes beat me to the punch. I guess it's just the age and immaturity of these girls. Many of them would rather want the in your face loud guy instead of the one a bit more moderated that's polite. Guys like that are the reason I don't like to date while I'm still in school. They are just too annoying and can't handle relationships all that well. They like to party too much and love sleeping around. Also any guy that calls a girl like that and sleeps with her still, is the kind of girl that lacks moral respect on some level, usually cause she craves attention of some kind, which is the kind of girls you want to stay away from. You should be happy that you want an intelligent girl that accepts you for who you are, cause it is hard to find some in college, but once you finally get past usually the first year or two, its just easier to find the good ones, cause the ones that can't make it through college or show their not so bright colors, usually are avoidable by that time. So don't give up all hope, you just have to keep looking, but more so pay attention to the girls that don't pay attention to the cocky jocky guys that hog the attention, those are the girls that are probably going to grab your interest, you might just be surprised.... It's just so hard to find those girls. I thought I found one like that a month ago, and she told me several times that she loves how different I am and how I'm not like the typical frat guy. She cheated on me in front of my face with one of those guys. It showed me how low class she was, but it also got me down because it showed me that even the most genuine girl can stab me in the back. However, there's one girl I've talked to a bit and is grabbing my interest. It would REALLY surprise me if she turned out to be like the last girl, as she's really artistic and just seems like a good girl. I don't think many guys would be after her, but she seems really cute in my eyes. She's looked and smiled at me a bunch of times from a distance and I once talked to her, but I don't know...she could just be the really nice type to smile at anyone. Friday will be my best chance at getting something more with her. 1. since when being a well-adjusted gentleman with some dose of self-respect startet to equal dork/geek/whatever?!?? 2. the true source of your battle of desires is that you can't stand the women you describe, but you still want to sleep with them (nothing wrong with that:)). (But, you won't do it because of 1 above) You can still learn something from 2 that will help your future interaction though - there is a little insecure girl in any woman out there, so you have absolutely no reason to be intimidated by any girl . The difference in your case will be that you won't exploit those insecurities (like the frat boy), but will appreciate and rectify them instead, which will draw women to you like a piece of bacon . The key is to behave this way just because you're larger than life, not because you expect anything in return. It's hard to do in college, but your true success with women will begin the moment you stop needing something (anything, even booty ) from them. Sure, you'll miss on some lays, but you'll keep your self respect to the max (and the burning sensation during urination to a min). In other words, no need not to be a gentleman even to the moronic girls. Some of them could have a surprise awakening and swing by your dorm room . In the meantime, focus on working out, studying, the guitar, and the narrowing window of opportunity to rock the long hair . Well, at this age, things tend to be more black and white, which comes with the immaturity. Many girls will instantly rule me out if I'm not in frat letters...and these aren't just the party girls. Many of them are good students who are otherwise nice girls. Frat guys might not let me into their parties to get their girls, but besides that they have no power over me. Many have tried to pick fights with me in the past, either over a girl or because they're unsympathetic to my sport (long story). Most of the time I've settled it with words without backing down. A few times they attacked me. I defended myself successfully each time. I'm not intimidated by them. If the girls want them over me, fine, that's their problem. What I need is to convince myself that being a gentleman is worth more than being an ass and getting laid by a few hot girls.
winsmith-84 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 dude, you totally sound like me. i have the exact same problem.
Author kashmir Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 dude, you totally sound like me. i have the exact same problem. Tell me about it (really, tell me about it).
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