icucwec Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I have been in a relationship for seven years. My GF is a single mom with a teenage daughter. I could not be with my GF on V-Day so we agreed to meet up on the phone when she got home from work. I called her and she did not answer. I left her a couple of text messages, she did not respond. I gave up and went on with my day. Later that night I checked her daughters blog (agreed thing my GF and I both do to keep tabs on her daughter). The girl was lamenting about her lack of a date for V-day and that even her MOM was out on a date! My jaw dropped. I left her a message that I know she was out on a date. The next evening, over 24 hours later she finally leaves me a VM. Says she was really busy on V-Day, worked late and then went with her daughter to a play. She goes on to say how much she loves me and misses me. Not even a mention of the date or my catching her cheating. Maybe she never checked her VM??? Hmmm I thought, according to the theatre the play was at 8pm, but the daughter entered her blog entry at almost 9pm. So I texted her back and confronted her about the time difference. Now her story changes. She went to the play in the afternoon, and out to dinner with a friend after. Well according to the theatre schedule there was no play in the afternoon. She says, well it was a special unpublished performance for friends of the cast. Maybe this is true but the sudden change of being at the play at night to the afternoon is fishy. Remember the daughter was at home when mom first said they were together. I pushed a little further and she admits that the friend she went out to dinner with was an old BF and his elderly aunt. The old BF!!! I don't care that the aunt was there (maybe she wasn't), on V-Day you choose to ignore me, not even send a love text, and go out to dinner with an old BF. I ended the relationship right then and there. So went my Valentines Day.
Template Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Wow. Lies lies and more lies. After 7 years of a relationship, it came down to this eh. That's just cold. I think it's great that you ended it right there because who knows how many other lies she has told you. Trust plays a huge part, and everyone knows that. You found the strength to move away. Keep that strength up and stay away. It'll be hard, but you can do it.
Author icucwec Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Who knows how many, and I guess I should have had my radar going better than I did. I am doing ok. I feel more of a sense of relief than anything else right now. To add a funny twist, I get a late V-Day card from her in the mail yesterday.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 It always sickens me, how can someone build up your trust for seven years and then dash it? Why are people so scared of just telling the truth?
tanbark813 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 That sucks, man, but good for you for breaking it off clean right then and there.
BCCA Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Why are people so scared of just telling the truth? It's pretty simple. Tell the truth, the gig is up and you look like a jerk. Lie, and you can have your cake and eat it, too. People are extremely short sighted, they don't think past right here right now. That really sucks, but you did the right thing. And I'm guessing she didn't call to try and straighten things out, right? Or say sorry? That's just cold hearted.
Author icucwec Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 No she did not, but then again I was very firm in my position. I laid it on the line and then I said goodbye. I really did not leave her any opening to try.
LostLamb Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 How could she be so blatant? Her daughter knew? It wouldn't surprise me if she had cheated before , don't go back to her as she is a cow
Author icucwec Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Well she did cheat before, on her husband. She left him for a married man who dumped her. That was 13 years ago so I thought she had learned her lesson. Plus since I have known her since we were 14 I thought there was a real trust between us. We grew up together. But maybe that kind of behavior is not escapable.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Why are people so scared of just telling the truth? It's pretty simple. Tell the truth, the gig is up and you look like a jerk. Lie, and you can have your cake and eat it, too. People are extremely short sighted, they don't think past right here right now. That really sucks, but you did the right thing. And I'm guessing she didn't call to try and straighten things out, right? Or say sorry? That's just cold hearted. Yes but i've always thought the biggest backfire of not being honest, is you can't trust anyone yourself because you can't even trust YOURSELF to be honest. If you know you're a liar/cheat etc, then how can you trust anyone else? That's the biggest backfire for the liar. They can't be honest, so they will never truly trust another human being.
Author icucwec Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 She knew when we started to date that because of our past friendship I was willing to take a large leap of faith to overlook her indiscretions during her marriage. I can only guess that due to the circumstances she grew up under and the way she views herself, she gets to a point where she needs to have someone else to make her feel wanted and loved. Self esteem is not strong with her. Intelligent, hard working, great mom yes, but very unsure of herself. I had no problem with it, I loved her exactly as she is, for she has been that way her whole life, and I have my self doubts too. I could accept all of that, but going behind my back to have dinner with the guy she dated before me, no that was too much. Oh and last week she found out her ex-husband is getting remarried, so a double whammy to her ego on this one. As I look back over her life, its been a pattern. Silly me for thinking I would be different. As I said, I was trusting in our long term friendship. Moving on so far has been fairly painless. I think that when you realize what you had was not pure, you don't long to get it back. Also my work is very busy right now, so I am way too involved during the day to think about much else. Oh and last week she found out her ex-husband is getting remarried, so a double whammy to her ego on this one.
SRV Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Lesson learnt, always pick up on the red flags at the onset of a new relationship. Most times people are too infatuated or 'in love' that they ignore them. She cheated on her husband -red flag. Constant need of validation-red flag, because once the novelty of the new relationship wears off, she will be out looking again for that validation. I think you are in a better place without her. Before she realizes it, time will have past her by and it will be pretty hard to get that 'validation'.
Rogue52 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 That story shows just how big of a coward she is.
Author icucwec Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I dont know what went through her mind. We were not fighting over anything, getting along just fine and planning for the future. We had just discussed a vacation the day before. But she made a very destructive choice. When you deceive someone you have known for 30 years, it kind of makes you wonder what was real. I am not rubbing salt in her wounds, I have not said a word to her since to make her feel bad. I think now that she is dealing/living with the consequences she is putting herself through her own h**l, and the realization that she destroyed her future with me is probably enough punishment. She wiped out years of relationship building and memory making in one day. Also she has to deal with her child and the effects it may be having on her. Trust is but for the moment, deceit is forever.
Author icucwec Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Well it has been 3 weeks of no NC. I am doing well. I had a couple of blue days where I missed her, but I quickly got over it. Oh she must have told her daughter that I found out about her cheating through the blog, because the daughter left a message that I am a stalker for reading her blog. So I guess in all this time mom never told her that we both read it. Hmm, if you put a blog up on the internet, advertise it on your youtube page and tell people to read it to find out about your life, can you really be a stalker for reading it? If she wanted private thoughts she should have kept an old fashioned written diary. But I am glad that she didn't because it saved me from making a huge mistake down the line.
Justmike101 Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Who knows how many, and I guess I should have had my radar going better than I did. I am doing ok. I feel more of a sense of relief than anything else right now. To add a funny twist, I get a late V-Day card from her in the mail yesterday. this is a joke right?
UCLAMike Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Well it has been 3 weeks of no NC. I am doing well. I had a couple of blue days where I missed her, but I quickly got over it. Oh she must have told her daughter that I found out about her cheating through the blog, because the daughter left a message that I am a stalker for reading her blog. So I guess in all this time mom never told her that we both read it. Hmm, if you put a blog up on the internet, advertise it on your youtube page and tell people to read it to find out about your life, can you really be a stalker for reading it? If she wanted private thoughts she should have kept an old fashioned written diary. But I am glad that she didn't because it saved me from making a huge mistake down the line. Her daughter is an idiot.
Author icucwec Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 this is a joke right? None of this is a joke. I invested years of my life with this woman and she flushed it away.
miss-jem-bishop Posted March 8, 2009 Posted March 8, 2009 Well she shouldnt have lied espically on valz day makes you feel even more like crap! but she did but just remember everything happens for a reason and good things fall out of place so better things can fall together... just remember her lost she shudnt have lied and going out with an ex... ummm not right! werid i say! But Heyy You Did the right thing now keep smiling, chin up and things will get better in time... your worth alot more! x
Author icucwec Posted March 8, 2009 Author Posted March 8, 2009 I am really doing very well. Its kind of nice to get to make decisions that only concern myself. I get to keep my own schedule now. Warm weather is back, so I am out on the mountain bike trails every other day, and that clears your mind like nothing else. When the time is right love will find me.
Author icucwec Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 Oh this is just getting too good. Her ex-husband is getting remarried, and his GF has been chosen to be on a TV show called "Say Yes To The Dress". So now she gets to watch her former man get married on TV while she has nothing! Karma is a b*t*h isn't it.
soserious1 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 7 yrs of just dating, no living together, no engagement.. just 7 yrs of dating? Sounds to me like you were both just treading water, in a relationship of convience. No major loss to either of you here IMHO.
Author icucwec Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 As a single mom she was not going to let a man who is not her husband live in her home with her child, and I understand that. She did not want to convey the wrong message to her daughter about people living together. I asked her on many occasions to move in with me, to be a family, but she said it was not the right impression to give to a teenage girl. She is very protective of her daughter, and since I am not the parent I have to respect her choices and keep quiet my feelings about them. Also if you re-read my posts you will see that she refused to marry until her kid was in college.
Author icucwec Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Well this has been a long time for an update. I have been doing great and really enjoying life. It has been months since I had any contact with her. I have started to explore a relationship with a new woman. Two weeks ago my ex-GF calls me out of the blue. She hurt herself in a fall, her life/job/world is falling apart and she needed to talk to me. I listened politely and gave her some encouragement. We stayed in touch on and off thru texts for the past 2 weeks. Just very casual messages as I really want to see where things can go with my new lady. Today I sent her a message that one of our old friends from high school lost her dad. This old friend was her rival for my attention back in our HS days. But that was 30 years ago. Her reply was cold, " It does not surprise me when people in their 80's die" I wrote back that she was cold and is that how she would reply to me when one of my parents die, and she really needed to get over high school. She accused me of being insensitive because her father died in 2004. Umm.. I lost her train of logic there??? Thats when it hit me. Having her back in my life was not making me happy. It was making me uncomfortable and depressed. My final text message to her... "You are not making me happy to be around you anymore. You only need me when things get rough in your life and that is why you called me 2 weeks ago. You need to move on with your life, I dont want this anymore." So that was the end of that. Some people just carry so much negative energy that the only thing you can do is cut them loose or get dragged down with them.
Exit Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Sounds like you made the right choice. Hopefully things go well with the new woman. I could certainly use one.
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