Britney23 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 My boyfriend of one year still receives emails from his ex girlfriend. He keeps all of his emails including these and showed me them. He replies to them. They will email each other everyday and then go a few months without contact and then one of them will start emailing again.. There is nothing flirty in the emails and she lives a long distance away (i.e. a plane trip) where all his family live. They were together for 6 months but it wasnt that serious, like he says he never loved her and they only saw each other once a week/fortnight for the whole time together. However, the only reason they broke up is because he moved away, and we met only 3 weeks after he moved here and became serious straightaway. So there wasnt much gap between his relationship with her and then me. He hadnt received any emails from her since November then about a week ago she started emailing him again and tells him she's coming for a holiday where we live and just wanted to know how the weather was.. I am scared that she will want to catch up and I dont know if I am wrong in thinking that my boyfriend shouldnt catch up with her? He went back to where she and his family live in March last year (in which time we had only been together a month) and he found some of her stuff in his room so he called her and they caught up then, but he hasnt seen her since. He never told me about this though, I went through his phone (please dont judge me...) and saw text messages from her saying it was so great to catch up, whats your email, etc. And thats when the emailing started. It annoyed me that he didnt tell me about this because he told me everything else he did while he was over there. I am just confused if I should be happy that he is being so honest with me by showing me the emails and is friends with his ex (isnt that meant to show good character) or should I be concerned that he is not over her because he is replying to her and sometimes even initiating the emails?
voldigicam Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I suggest discussing your uncertainty about the matter. I really have no interest in keeping up with old lovers or ex-wives. If I run across them in the news I'll look into it, see what they're doing, but I'm not about to re-open things. But an ultimatum rarely works well. Making your feelings known and seeing what happens can be a useful thing. He knows you care. Starts to understand that his actions affect you. Puts his attention on you, and his decisionmaking on whether you're the one he wants to be with now. Good luck!
Author Britney23 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks for your quick reply. I have talked to him about it but he says that they are just friends and he doesnt have feelings for her, but he still continues to email her. I have given him an ultimatum about 6 months ago, because I thought he should at least know that he has a girlfriend now. We argued about this because he didnt think he should tell her, but then after giving him the ultimatum he did tell her in an indirect kind of way. But that was 6 months ago and he hasnt mentioned me since... I dont know maybe I am just being too controlling?
Nagini Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 uh i m just friends with my ex his fiancee had the same kind of freak out he moved 3000 miles away to be with her im totally over him you need to chill.
Author Britney23 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 He didnt move to be with me, he moved for work and then met me after.. Your probably right Nagini, but pretty much all the other posts on LS seem to suggest that if someone is still contacting their ex then they aren't completely over them. I know my boyfriend won't cheat but he might be just keeping her in the background for a casual hook up in the future if we dont work out... Am I just being paranoid. I dont understand how people can be friends with their exes without some feelings still there or some attachment?
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