summerusa Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I met a wonderful man, and for the first time, my instincts tell me that there is a lot of potential and he could be the one. the thing is that we become intimate earlier than I wanted to. I want this relationship to have all the chances to work and dating/relationship books, all say that it's better to delay having sex. I think the main reasons are.. ~women become more attached and their judgment is clouded ~even if the man has good intentions, having sex early, will dampen his desire for her. Men need the time to learn about her other qualities and then really fall in love with her instead of falling in lust. Since I can't turn back time, what can I do now? Should I tell him we need to cool off and startover? (we are already saying "I love you"..and I really do love him, but I fear that it's infatuation for him) thanks for any advice!
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Slowing it down is going to be virtually impossible, because unless you discuss exactly what your motives and reasons are (and that, alone is a minefield of mis-communication waiting to go 'boom') he's going to think you're either behaving very oddly, jerking his chain, or have a sexual dysfunction.... If you tell him you think you jumped oin too soon, he's going to wonder exactly what your plans are, because he may not view this long-term in the way you do. he amy also think that you think he's only in it for the sex, and that you're actually trying to distanbce yourself from him Jeesh, we make sex so complicated! It's natural, it's fun, and providing we play safe and 'sound', it's something that should just be enjoyed for the sake of it. So you had sex. So what? If it felt good at the time, just enjoy the fact that it felt good at the time. Why are you so fearful that this is just an infatuation for him? Why would he not feel in love with you?
Author summerusa Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 you have so many great points! I think so too, slowing down would be tough and it'll make him feel distant emotionally as well as physically. Why are you so fearful that this is just an infatuation for him? Why would he not feel in love with you? Besides what experts say about people confusing infatuation w/ love by going too fast.. he told me that he was in love before..online, with someone a thousand miles away and had met for one long week (relationship lasted 4mths). Looking back, he says that it wasn't really true serious love like we have..it was more superficial.. i'd like to think that he loves me just as I love him as deeply. I never felt this way before and my instinct tells me it's so right. But if I look at the facts, it seems that he falls in love quickly.. one thing that makes me want to believe in his love..is that he did want to break up with that girl and had doubts after a few months.. maybe I just need to wait a few months to find out if he has doubts about me? are there any questions I need to ask him about his past?? (btw we are seeing each other for about 2 months)
OpenBook Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 it seems that he falls in love quickly.. It seems that you do too!! You had sex with him. That does NOT equal love. It was just sex. Don't read too much into it. I highly recommend that you remain calm, cool and collected with him. Not too much investment, emotion or heart. Just be easygoing about it, take it one day at a time. And definitely DON'T ply him with questions! And if you don't feel comfortable having sex with him, then don't!! Don't feel obligated to continue doing it just because you've already done it. Take control over your own life. Men respect that. If he asks why you're pulling away from the sex, just tell him the truth (nicely!) that you really don't know him all that well yet. It's only been two months!
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