tallboy Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My wife had an affair, I am wanting to move forward in working on our marriage, but she is refusing to move in either direction. At this point she is afraid to go back to the issues of our marriage that brought us to this point, and also aware of the impact divorce would have on our child - a 2 year old son. Our marriage problems boil down to the fact that she is allergic to me, sexually, and that has led her to a disharmony and dissatisfaction and a whole host of resentments and (I believe) psychological scarring for her... that led her to an emotional and physical affair, with an individual to whom she had no allergy and good sex. She also works with this person on a day-to-day basis. He has repeatedly expressed he wants to be with her, even though he too is currently married. At this point, they have supposedly cut of improper communications, but I’m not so sure of that, either. How do I frame this to move forward? How do I or our family counsel her or us? Is there something I can provide or our extended family by means of counseling and support to help her to make a decision for our marriage and then advice as to moving forward to repair our marriage? She is currently cocooning herself from those who would give the “do the right thing” advice. At the same time, what is the right thing in this situation? Is there a way anyone can reach her? I am willing to wait for as long as I can (this has already been months), but the process of watching and waiting while (it seems) my wife is deciding between me and the life another wants to give her is destroying me.
stampdaddy Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Dude, this is gonna sting a little, ok? You ready? **SLAP, SLAP, SLAP and one big kick in the ass!!!** What are you doing? Allowing her to completely destroy your family while she continues to have an affair right under your nose? Is this right? Did I really just read that you are having difficulty "reaching" her? REACH her by packing her bags and changing the locks.. Then you will reach her loud and clear... Good Lord
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Well.... DITTO!!!!! If she's "allergic" to you (WTF....?!) then there's no future for you sexually, is there....?! What, you didn't know about this 'allergy' before you married....? You had a baby, didn't you? Trust me. Divorce and find someone with whom you are completely compatible. The baby will not suffer any great deal, at this age, providing you're both mature about parenthood. Let her go her scumball cheating way, and cut yourself some slack and find happiness with a woman with whom you are physically, mentally emotionally spiritually compatible....the works. She's not worth the effort.
Author tallboy Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 We waited until our wedding night to have intercourse and found out about it then. We have kinda just done it, but not very often. It does hurt her. It is called seminal plasma hypersensitivity. We have tried to work through it, but it only has led to more problems- mental and physical. Protection does help, but she doesn't like that. We were able to conceive, but still more problems.
2sunny Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 let me get this straight... you have issues with the sex between the two of you she goes out and finds someone else to fill her needs (wants - desires, really) expects that you are supposed to be okay with it WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??? EVERYTHING!!! what if you had been selfish and self serving the way she's been in your marriage? how would she feel? she should be bending over backwards to make you happy and confident that she's ended things with the OM and found a new job! what has SHE done to make the marriage work at this point? stop being a doormat and demand that she either be a decent, kind and loving wife and partner or she's out! sheeez, women like this give us a bad name! don't put up with that - now or ever!
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 By the way: It is treatable, but it takes time - and commitment. (a word your wife may have difficulty coping with, or understanding....) BACKGROUND: Human seminal plasma hypersensitivity is a rare disorder that is often misdiagnosed. While this disorder is well described in the allergy and immunology literature, few cases exist in the gynecologic literature. CASE: A young woman presented to our allergy clinic with recurrent vaginal burning, swelling, and itching occurring approximately 10 minutes postcoitally. Semen allergy was suspected. Using her partner's semen, intradermal testing produced 1.6-cm wheal and 6.0-cm flare. The patient underwent intravaginal desensitization, and she and her partner were instructed to have intercourse every 48 hours to maintain desensitization. At 5-month follow-up, they were practicing coitus interruptus with success. CONCLUSION: Human seminal plasma hypersensitivity may mimic chronic vaginitis. The intravaginal graded challenge, a form of immunotherapy used by allergists, remains a mainstay in treatment, but is only effective if maintained correctly.
2sunny Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 nah! from her perspective why make the effort? i can go get myself laid without the hassle of my husband. and hurt him while i'm at it, then pretend like it's not still happening... that's a gal that's really into the commitment it takes for the long haul of the marriage - NOT! change the locks and place her bags on the curb. tell her to come retrieve her things - they are by the gutter, which she should recognize so easily.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My wife had an affair, I am wanting to move forward in working on our marriage, but she is refusing to move in either direction. So she cheats, you forgive her and want to make it work, but she isn't taking the 2nd chance you are giving her and running with it? So she is allergic to you. Ok, did she not know this when she married you? Either way, she'll never be happy if she can't have sex. And if you can't have sex with her because of HER allergy, then she will never stop cheating. Get rid of her.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Protection does help, but she doesn't like that. I'm sorry, but I just have to express a big boo-f####n-hoo to that one. So basically she doesn't love you enough to use protection so that she can have sex with you. She'd rather cheat on you with someone so she doesn't have to have the guy use a condom. Get real.
2sunny Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 and now i'm thinking logically... wtf? she's not allergic to his semen means he's not wearing a condom - which means she may get pregnant or at the very least bring home an std for you. sounds charming, eh? nice wife. if she wanted to make things work with you there are a lot of different ways to be intimate in a marriage without the penetration or ejaculation that may bother her. did she bother making an effort to work through those barriers for the marriage to be happier for you? nope - she just went out and found some new stud to screw without considering your feelings at all.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 We waited until our wedding night to have intercourse and found out about it then. We have kinda just done it, but not very often. It does hurt her. It is called seminal plasma hypersensitivity. We have tried to work through it, but it only has led to more problems- mental and physical. Protection does help, but she doesn't like that. We were able to conceive, but still more problems. Dump her! She is total trash. If she really did get diagnosed with this allergy then she was told how to fix it and she did not. Either way... if you can't do better than this... your better off celibate. If this woman was the best I could do... I would probably shoot myself. Go find someone who loves you, and stop wasting your time with worthless people.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Divorce her, you son will be fine.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Divorce her, you son will be fine. I can vouch for that.
mark982 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 i'd call his wife, expose this relationship,or better yet, just drop her off at his house. his wife will sure be suprised.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 And whatever you do, find a way to rat out the OM to his wife. She deserves to know, he deserves to have to deal with her knowing, and you need to do whatever you can to make continuing the affair as difficult as possible for them. Because, frankly, I don't really believe that it's over.
smarterthanbefore Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I don't usally say this, but it sounds like she has completely checked out of the marriage. It also sounds like she is the most selfish person ever, who put herself before you and your kids. I would suggest you back off and leave her alone and consentrate on yourself and your kids. They will need more than ever because your wife is not thinking of the families best interest, but her own. You say her OM is married, right? So it's not just your family she is destroying, but also helping to destroy another. Are you sure you want this selfish, lying , unfaithful woman as your wife? Please stop feeling this is your fault, i can tell by your words you partly blame yourself. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. It is not your fault she is allergic to you. But think of it this way. Your sex life with her hasn't exactly been peaches for you either, but you loved her enough to be faithful anyway. She did not love you enough to do the same. IF that alone don't make you file for divorce, nothing else will. So sorry for your pain. Be strong and know you will a better person no matter what happens.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 And whatever you do, find a way to rat out the OM to his wife. She deserves to know, he deserves to have to deal with her knowing, and you need to do whatever you can to make continuing the affair as difficult as possible for them. Yes, start with this. The OM doesn't deserve to go unscathed here. And when you rat the OM out to his wife, don't say a word to your wife. Wait to see if she comes to you angry that you outted him. That will tell you everything you need to know right there. If your wife gets mad that you outted her f##k buddy, then open the door and tell her to get her worthless ass out.
seibert253 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Time for you to pack her bags and put her out. Nothing like a good dose of Oh sh#t, what do I do now, to make someone think about what they're doing and slap them back to reality.
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