steve12 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 This girl and I were together for almost a year. She apparently had been very unhappy the last couple months. Broke up with me a few weeks ago. Still calls and messages, at all hours of the day and night. Even slept with me last week, only to cry 5 minutes after saying she didn't feel a connection, and anytime would have been too soon. Says she tired of tying, she put too much effort in and didn't get it back, and doesn't want to date me anymore. She also tells me she would really think less of me if I cut off contact and never talked to her again. We had plans to visit some of my relatives, who live in a very nice vacation spot, this spring as hopes to get away and 'renew us'. Well, she can't cancel the ticket, too late now. Said she could go down and stay somewhere alone or bring a friend, but that's too late for someone else to get a ticket. Tells me she could do that but wants to go with me still, as long as i want her to go. She is completely okay with visiting and meeting MY FAMILY as my buddy/ex girl friend. She doesn't even want to try to fix things because things got "too messed up", her words not mine, but can still hang out with me and be my "bud". I really wanted her to go even a week after the break up, so maybe we could reconnect, but now I fear it's just going to be awkward and ruin my vacation. I can't win with any choice I make. I try to delete all the pictures of us online, so I wouldn't look at them all day. Only to get a message 'that really hurt my feelings' after she noticed. At first I thought these were like elite mind games to see how into this relationship I was, but I don't think so much now. I love this girl so much I'd do anything to be with her, but she has made it clear we are over. We are 'buddies' now its driving me absolutely insane. Asks me out to dinner the last two nights in a row and we study after, and even shares her expensive wine. Then, I go home without even a hug, and totally heart broken. Any ideas on what to do next? Is it a good idea to bring her to meet my family? Do i just need to move on and cut all ties?
GoneButNotForgotten Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 You really need to stop caring for what she thinks. So what if she thinks less of you? She made it clear she doesn't want to be with you, so you owe her nothing. You don't have to be friends with an ex. Most of us actually aren't. If you can't be a friend then don't go through the motions just to make it easier for her. Do what is right for you. Personally, I wouldn't invite her to come meet my family. You can't force someone to be with you. Even if you could would it really be worth it? Do things for yourself man. Don't give her control of your life after she broke up with you. You cannot let anyone else control your happiness. You deserve better. Cut her out of your life. It is not something she can control. She broke up with you. Thereby giving up all rights to bitching, moaning, and complaining about what you do with your life. If you don't want to talk to or see her then don't. And as for the "that really hurt my feelings," it doesn't matter. She is the one who gave up. Her feelings are no longer your problem. Think about that for a second. You are not obligated to care about anyone but yourself. If she doesn't like not having her fall back option or an easy way to smooth over the guilt that is something that she has to deal with. ON HER OWN! You are no longer the shoulder to cry on when things go wrong or she doesn't get her way. She is not a princess. She is not a beautiful and unique snowflake. She is the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile. (edited from Fight Club)
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