I love this.

[Excellent]

Long story short:

 

New girl starts at work, she gets a crush on me, we flirt, she falls in love, i fall i love, everything is jolly good. Then, she dumps me after 3 months with obvious false excuses for reason. This happened two and a half months ago.

 

And of course, being the dumped and weak one, i fell into the trap of being her "friend", as she wanted.

 

2 weeks ago i had enough of being stringed along as she pleased, and basically started to ignore her. Meaning, not being an *******, but just being nice but evasive. I always, even after the breakup answered her politely when she asked about something at work, always smiling etc. Just acting like i don't care anymore.

 

And it only took it two days before i started to notice some changes. Just in the way she behaved around me. Yesterday i finally deleted her from my msn, and i don't know if this was the cause, but today she acted really depressed. And had a very arrogant tone towards me. I have also caught her doing some staring several times during the last week.

 

Needless to say, i'm loving this! It's nice to have some sort of power again. I hate treating her like this, because i still care for her. But hell freezes over if i let her treat me like her emotional toy again. I'd rather live without her.

 

I'm having a huge egoboost out of this, and have even started to do flirt a little with other girls, wich is fun. I've spent a great amount of time after the breakup hanging out with friends and working very hard getting into physical shape, being more active than i was ever before. I am truly enjoying life right now

 

So what do you guys make of this and her behaviour? I am well capable of moving completely on without her, but it's just that i find this very facinating!

[Geishawhelk]

It's simple.

She dumps you.

She still wants you to want her, miss her, need her and play up to her.

Now you've liberated yourself from that, she's realised she no longer has what it takes to keep you dangling.

Your taking back power, means she's lost hers.

 

If she wants to be bitter, curt and arrogant, that's her problem.

I know it's very tempting, but try to not gloat.

It makes you ugly inside.

 

Oh, and - by the way:

There's even a possibility she may approach you about 'trying again'.

 

Don't even go there.

[Excellent]

It's simple.

She dumps you.

She still wants you to want her, miss her, need her and play up to her.

Now you've liberated yourself from that, she's realised she no longer has what it takes to keep you dangling.

Your taking back power, means she's lost hers.

 

If she wants to be bitter, curt and arrogant, that's her problem.

I know it's very tempting, but try to not gloat.

It makes you ugly inside.

 

Oh, and - by the way:

There's even a possibility she may approach you about 'trying again'.

 

Don't even go there.

 

Naw, i'm not and i won't gloat, that would be pathetic And if she decides to come running back i will decide then and there, depending on where i stand at that point. As of know, i will just enjoy this tingeling sensation i get from having my selfrespect returning

[Bluebird In My Heart]

And if she decides to come running back i will decide then and there, depending on where i stand at that point...

 

Have you learned nothing?

 

No. No, and no!

 

*slaps your hand!*

 

This person is not ready for a relationship, and will not be ready...for YEARS, if ever. She's a Striver, and it's all about Catch...and Release after toying for a while. It's all about Ego for her.

 

 

Oh, and btw...how ego-driven are you, lately?

 

Stop. Just stop.

 

Have fun, find your center, and perhaps one day soon you will be ready for a real relationship. One based on mutual care and respect.

 

You got your sexy back. Leave it at that.

[Excellent]

Have you learned nothing?

 

No. No, and no!

 

*slaps your hand!*

 

This person is not ready for a relationship, and will not be ready...for YEARS, if ever. She's a Striver, and it's all about Catch...and Release after toying for a while. It's all about Ego for her.

 

 

Oh, and btw...how ego-driven are you, lately?

 

Stop. Just stop.

 

Have fun, find your center, and perhaps one day soon you will be ready for a real relationship. One based on mutual care and respect.

 

You got your sexy back. Leave it at that.

 

Hehe, it's not like i am going to drop to my knees and accept instantly if she comes running back. Perhaps i am already in a new relationship by then? Who knows?

 

I don't think i am driven and doing this by ego. I just want to get over her and finally move completely on. But it's hard not to notice her reactions when you work in such a small office as we do. And naturally, as most humans, i get curious. I just try to do my business at work, treating everyone (including her) as normal people. I don't treat her any different than i do with my other colleagues, good nor bad.

 

Oh, and by the way. When it comes to that "soon you will be ready for a real relationhip" thing: I know i am ready, i was ready years before i met her, and now that she left i realize HOW ready i really am. I am not interested in "exploring the marked" and going through lots of girls before i decide, i never was. If i find someone that i like and feel i have a connection with, i will go all in.

 

After my first post here she has changed very much. She is more quiet than usual, and although she tries to laugh and smile at work, it's obvious that this is for the most part just a fasade. She's also behaving and talking more humble towards me, whenever we have to work together on something work-related. She tried to invite me over one night a few days ago too, but i said no thanks, as i had other plans. What this means i don't know, i have stopped thinking so much about it. It's only when i am alone i still think too much about it.

 

Atleast i am not lying in a fetal position in a corner of my bedroom and crying anymore. I did that for the first month, ain't going back there thats for sure! But i know there still some time left before the wound is healed completely, but i'm getting there

[Bluebird In My Heart]

Hehe, it's not like i am going to drop to my knees and accept instantly if she comes running back. Perhaps i am already in a new relationship by then? Who knows?

 

I don't think i am driven and doing this by ego. I just want to get over her and finally move completely on. But it's hard not to notice her reactions when you work in such a small office as we do. And naturally, as most humans, i get curious. I just try to do my business at work, treating everyone (including her) as normal people. I don't treat her any different than i do with my other colleagues, good nor bad.

 

Oh, and by the way. When it comes to that "soon you will be ready for a real relationhip" thing: I know i am ready, i was ready years before i met her, and now that she left i realize HOW ready i really am. I am not interested in "exploring the marked" and going through lots of girls before i decide, i never was. If i find someone that i like and feel i have a connection with, i will go all in.

 

Fair play.

 

Reading your post, I can see what you are getting at. Helluva relief to know you can feel great. You deserve it.

 

I just really did not want to see you go backward (i.e., with her again). I have seen far too many people say, "I am sooo over this" (me included), only to be drawn in...which of course, is damaging.

 

I'm glad you know you are ready for a relationship that's deeper. Only you know you, and if this was was helped you to strengthen in your own mind what you want, then that's wonderful!

 

 

 

After my first post here she has changed very much. She is more quiet than usual, and although she tries to laugh and smile at work, it's obvious that this is for the most part just a fasade. She's also behaving and talking more humble towards me, whenever we have to work together on something work-related. She tried to invite me over one night a few days ago too, but i said no thanks, as i had other plans. What this means i don't know, i have stopped thinking so much about it. It's only when i am alone i still think too much about it.

 

Atleast i am not lying in a fetal position in a corner of my bedroom and crying anymore. I did that for the first month, ain't going back there thats for sure! But i know there still some time left before the wound is healed completely, but i'm getting there

 

 

I'm happy for you!

 

You are feeling optimistic and you can and will do this!

 

 

Plus, I must admit - I love this story too. Hee!

[Excellent]

It has been an interesting day today!

 

I now probably know why she left. In short: I think she had been flirting with this guy for a couple of weeks before she broke up, it's a long distance thing she got going with this fellow. I didn't need to ask her or any of her friends or something like that. Don't ask how i came to this conclusion, but i think it's pretty safe to say that this was the reason.

 

And to be honest, i'm pretty relieved. Because now i know she ain't worth it. She was constantly testing me today too, asking for coffee, said to just ask when i wanted to get together with her to do something, she even asked if i could dig her car out from the snow. Instead of nodding and doing what she asked for, i declined. And said that if she wanted to to anything together with me, she could ask, and i would see if i had the time (in a polite manner, ofc.).

 

And to tell the truth, the more i thought about it, the more funnier it got. To the point that when i came home, i ended up laughing my ass off. It's truly unbelievable that some people are like this! I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me to find this funny, i think i'm just laughing at how absurd this whole thing really is. That and the fact that she is playing me for a fool, and thinks that it is working. And i realized that i don't love her anymore, i just pity her.

 

SO! NC continues, and with a big smile on my face. If i got the timer right, it won't be long before she dumps him either, so i pity him too. He has no idea what he has gotten himself into. All i can say is good luck to them both, especially her, because she really needs to change. And that won't happen until someone gives her a lesson. Wich i'm doing now, in a subtle manner.

 

Sorry about the seemingly huge ego-trip i got going here, but after i found this out, it's like a huge stone has been lifted of my chest. Thats truly all i wanted after the breakup. The big "WHY?". And now i do, and it feels great!

[Excellent]

 

I'm happy for you!

 

You are feeling optimistic and you can and will do this!

 

 

Plus, I must admit - I love this story too. Hee!

 

Thanks! I find this way of behavior fascinating. No wonder my father is a psychiatrist, this level of interest in human behavior must be genetic

[Island Girl]

Sorry about the seemingly huge ego-trip i got going here, but after i found this out, it's like a huge stone has been lifted of my chest. Thats truly all i wanted after the breakup. The big "WHY?". And now i do, and it feels great!

 

 

This is exactly where you need to be sharing it so others out there who are still in the fetal position can learn from you.

 

You were where they are not too long ago but look where you are now!

 

We can post all day long "go NC. Do not buy in to being friends or giving them the fork to have their cake and eat it too".

But a lot of times it falls on deaf ears because they still stuck in that corner.

 

Real situations like this can give those people a light at the end of the tunnel. And a lot of them very much need that.

 

CHEERS TO YOU!!

[Excellent]

This is exactly where you need to be sharing it so others out there who are still in the fetal position can learn from you.

 

You were where they are not too long ago but look where you are now!

 

We can post all day long "go NC. Do not buy in to being friends or giving them the fork to have their cake and eat it too".

But a lot of times it falls on deaf ears because they still stuck in that corner.

 

Real situations like this can give those people a light at the end of the tunnel. And a lot of them very much need that.

 

CHEERS TO YOU!!

 

Yes, cutting contact was the best thing i did. It's damn hard, this i truly know, but it really helps. And once the pain eases, it's easier to stop for a second and think with your head, instead of your heart. And then, my friend, you'll get a much clearer picture of whats going on, what he/she did wrong, and what you did wrong. And most importantly, WHY they did it.

 

The "friend" thing i had going with her for two months after the break was just extremely painfull. Even if you hang out with your ex, you are just feeding their ego, whilst destroying yourself. No one wants to look into the eyes of their ex and see no interest what so ever in there. But still, we come running whenever they whistle. Ask yourselfs if thats helping? Imo, it doesn't, it doesn't at all.

 

I started feeling much, much more better even just after one week of NC. So stick at it, get some pride, and don't let them use you as their own emotional toy.

[Excellent]

A little update..

 

So, now we're about 3 weeks into NC, and even if yesterday was interesting, today was very interesting too!

 

She blushed furiously when she walked past me in the hallway today, and i didn't even say anything. And later on, when she talked to me about some work-issue, it got really funny. She didn't even manage to look me in the eyes when talking, and then she started stuttering! She has never, EVER, done that before. Is her ego falling apart or is it just me? In any case, it's nice to see her arrogance diminishing.

 

I apologize again if it sound like i am enjoying this way too much. But i still need to vent these things, because i am not done with the healing process just yet. But i do have to admit, that i enjoy this a little bit atleast, because i find this extremely fascinating! Maybe i should take up a course in psychology or something...if something like that exists here in town.

[Excellent]

New update, i just felt the need to vent some more.

 

So far this week there's been a huuuge tension between us. She asked for some of her furniture back a couple of days ago, that i agreed to keep for her during our "friend" period (stupid, i know). I just shrugged and left it at that, and basically expected her to mention when she could come and pick it up. Haven't heard anything yet.

 

I still have a blast at work with my co-workers and all, but you can almost touch the tension we're having at the moment. She rarely talks to me now, so now we're both evading each other. And i constantly catch her staring in the corner of my eye all the time.

 

Although i don't think she is mad at me, and i am certainly not mad at her for anything anymore, it's starting to take it's toll, on both of us i think. Because i can see that it bothers her as much as it bothers me, tho i don't show it. Atleast i hope i'm not. And yeah, i still do care about her. But i'd rather care, stay away, keep my mouth shut and be strong and confident, than care, get clingy and trying to initiate conversations with her, and be needy and weak at the same time.

 

To make things worse i got this tremendous feeling in my gut that something is about to happen. I'm not saying between us, since i got so many different things going on right now, both at work and in my private life, but still. It's keeping me on the edge. And it's stressing me out, and i haven't slept very well the last 3-4 days. Sigh..all of this is just troublesome and boring.

 

For the record, i haven't broken NC, and i won't. But it was nice to vent. Still keeping up the spirit tho, or atleast trying to!

[LoveUrselfFirst]

It's simple.

She dumps you.

She still wants you to want her, miss her, need her and play up to her.

Now you've liberated yourself from that, she's realised she no longer has what it takes to keep you dangling.

Your taking back power, means she's lost hers.

 

If she wants to be bitter, curt and arrogant, that's her problem.

I know it's very tempting, but try to not gloat.

It makes you ugly inside.

 

Oh, and - by the way:

There's even a possibility she may approach you about 'trying again'.

 

Don't even go there.

 

 

Geishawhelk said it best.

[Bluebird In My Heart]

Excellent: I love the way you write.

 

Hmmm...she's the one causing the tension here, and LoveUrselfFirst post, quoting Geishawhelk, certainly lets you know why she is doing this, doensn't it?

 

Definitely trust your intuition, but try not to feel too tense. Remember, this is her doing, not yours, so don't let it get to you, babe!

 

She got want she wanted, she just doesn't have you to play games with anymore so she's upping the ante.

 

Pretty interesting thread - says a lot about the psyche of some people.

 

Stay strong! She owns this, not you.

[Excellent]

Excellent: I love the way you write.

 

Hmmm...she's the one causing the tension here, and LoveUrselfFirst post, quoting Geishawhelk, certainly lets you know why she is doing this, doensn't it?

 

Definitely trust your intuition, but try not to feel too tense. Remember, this is her doing, not yours, so don't let it get to you, babe!

 

She got want she wanted, she just doesn't have you to play games with anymore so she's upping the ante.

 

Pretty interesting thread - says a lot about the psyche of some people.

 

Stay strong! She owns this, not you.

 

Thank you! It's nice to have some support from someone, even if it's not from someone you know. I can't exactly pour my heart out to my buddies, macho culture and all that

 

I think the stress is mostly from not getting enough sleep. But i passed an important exam today too, so i hope that will lift some weight off my shoulders. Studying and working full time was harder than i thought, hehe

[Excellent]

Aaaah, she is relentless this one. I think it's exactly one month of NC from my part today, maybe 1-2 days off.

 

All is still jolly good. She tries to string me along, i evade. Yesterday she even offered me to take her car and use it as much as i wanted, and keep it at my place. I know that all she wants is free parking, so i declined. But that one made me laugh when i got home from work.

 

Today she tried a new tactic. Back in the "friends" period she had me going on this promise that we should have dinner at my place sometime, but she always found an excuse. So that particular meal has been lying in my freezer for the whole time. She asked today if i had eaten it, wich i haven't. So i said no. She then said to just eat it. That one made me cheer inside, it's like well over 2 months since she first proposed that idea, and she is still thinking about it, and now she is desperate, fishing for a whine-reaction from me. I just shrugged and said that I will eat it when i feel like it.

 

Boy, did she look depressed when we called it the day and i passed her in the hallway.

 

These things looks pretty trivial, but when i add all what she has been saying and doing during the NC, i think it's safe to say she probably is a lunatic, and a very cunning one. However, i won't get fooled again, so i just have to say thanks to her some day, for making the days at work more exciting, funny and at some points, ridicilously funny.

 

Ok, so maby not a lunatic, but a very immature person. I have had the urge to just let her have it all sometimes, but i have managed to back off. There's no point in being an ass and sink to her level.

[Excellent]

I'm having trouble keeping it together. It's really starting to sink in how badly she treated me right before and after the break. And the more i think about it, the more pissed i get. I snapped badly at her today over a very trivial matter. I am afraid that i am starting to really hate her. And thats not good, it won't make it easier at work, and i don't like that feeling either.

 

To make things worse, i am still sleeping poorly at nights. Only manage about 3-4 hours of shuteye every night. This has been going on for about a month now, and i am beginning to feel exhausted. Seeing her at work every damn day, more or less sleepness nights, lots to do at work....i'm so tired of it all. Gawd, i really long for the summer holiday to start, so i finally can get some real distance between me and her over an extended period of time.

[Excellent]

Well, it's been a while since my last post here. And i am in bit of a loss now. My ex has changed very much in her behaviour at me the last couple of weeks. She has done some staring, and she gave me the saddest look i've ever seen last friday. And she has been acting very nice to me, like the old days. Her arrogance is gone and it is possible to actually share a laugh with her at work now.

 

To top it off, it's now easter holiday, and she has gone to her hometown for a week. Right before we all went on holiday from work, i told some of my colleagues that a friend of mine has been diagnosed with cancer, wich she heard. The day after we went on holiday, she texted me and asked if i have heard anything new about my friend, as he was going to take som tests at the hospital the day before. And she said that it was very tragic that something like that would happen to someone that young. I replied politely, but i may have come off a bit cold, wich is really bothering me now.

 

All this has stirred up som feelings that i thought i had left behind already. I like to think that she is trying to show that she still cares about me. She doesn't know who this friend of mine is, she never met him, nor does she even know his name. I had settled with the idea that she doesn't care anymore, but why would she ask me about someone she doesn't even know who is then? I feel like i'm being pulled in two directions here, one wants to text her and say that i really appriciate her asking, wich i do. The other one says that i must stick to the NC rule.

 

I was wrong, i don't "Love this" anymore, i hate it. What do you guys think? Am i overanalyzing or is it her way of trying to get a foot into my life again, atleast on talking terms after work-hours?