movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Perhaps it's different in other places, either way I can't name a single person in my research group, in all the research groups I've been in or anyone I've collaborated with that didn't have a highly educated/professional long term partner. By the way, this is a lot of people, and this is a top Uni. I'm sure there are counterexamples that work, and I haven't stated this is for all cases, but I just can't see this not being a normal trend. I don't know why anyone would put themselves through 5 years of hardship to achieve something like that and come out the other end forming new relationships with anyone who isn't in their class. It would be like two completely different worlds colliding, and I don't think that's a natural thing. I do think people on the whole look for people of a similar educational background. Again, there are exceptions to this, but I would be surprised if it wasn't a small minority. That's oh so easy to explain: most people either meet their partners in graduate school, or had a strong relationship long before that, and stuck it i while in graduate school. Others, like me, got sick of the two body problem and crave a normal, low-key girl. So you're talking about mostly circumstantial hitching not necessarily about a "strategy" what works in such relaitonships.
openbook08 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 interesting topic i have a BA and post graduate diploma & it was always & still is my intention to do an MA. my ex , education wise, did not progress beyond high school. he always had a chip on his shoulder about this & would refuse ( or actually throw tantrums ) if we were invited to any of my university friends weddings hed say they were all up themselves etc etc (i can honestly say neither i nor my friends are anything like that). i guess hes happy now his new girlf is doin the same job as him. and also never progressed further than high school. i can honestly say it was never an issue for me but im dam proud of my achievements & wont apologise for it. i find ambition sexy & if that includes a high level of education than its just a topping. im very lucky in that my education means i can hand on heart say i love my job & love going to work each day.
movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 With one or two exceptions, it becomes pretty obvious in this thread that women put higher premium on education/achievement, than men . Just sayin' .
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Wah, wah, wah, that's a total myth.. What are you 7? if so then you should go play with kids your age you have no place having an adult discussion with adults. Clv: maybe I do have you confused with some others in that thread all your comments become somewhat interchangeable after a while. I'll have to revisit the thread and see who said what....until then I am sorry for making that comment (I think)
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 That's oh so easy to explain: most people either meet their partners in graduate school, or had a strong relationship long before that, and stuck it i while in graduate school. Others, like me, got sick of the two body problem and crave a normal, low-key girl. . Oh, I thought you got dumped?
anne1707 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 If looking at formal education then I am far more qualified than my H, I also earn more and have a higher status job. Are either of us bothered by this? Not at all. He is very confident and well read across a wide range of subjects. He does not feel inferior to me in any way - we both recognise each others strengths (and weaknesses ). As for our careers, he has helped and supported me in mine as I help him in his. It just so happens that my field allows me to progress further within an organisation than his typically would. Is education important in our relationship? Yes of course it is. We learn from each other every day
clv0116 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 With one or two exceptions, it becomes pretty obvious in this thread that women put higher premium on education/achievement, than men . Just sayin' . In other news, it has been discovered that water is wet.
clv0116 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 ... maybe I do have you confused with some others in that thread all your comments become somewhat interchangeable after a while. I'll have to revisit the thread and see who said what....until then I am sorry for making that comment (I think) Well have a look, I'd be really surprised to have given that sort of impression. I just accept the way women (and men) are wired and live my life in a way that makes the most of it. Some women do annoy men with their constant self deception on this subject but again I'm pretty sure it's not within their conscious control. It's too pervasive to make sense in any other context.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Perhaps it's different in other places, either way I can't name a single person in my research group, in all the research groups I've been in or anyone I've collaborated with that didn't have a highly educated/professional long term partner. By the way, this is a lot of people, and this is a top Uni. I'm sure there are counterexamples that work, and I haven't stated this is for all cases, but I just can't see this not being a normal trend. I don't know why anyone would put themselves through 5 years of hardship to achieve something like that and come out the other end forming new relationships with anyone who isn't in their class. It would be like two completely different worlds colliding, and I don't think that's a natural thing. I do think people on the whole look for people of a similar educational background. Again, there are exceptions to this, but I would be surprised if it wasn't a small minority. Not all highly educated people quest to "come out the other end to form a new relationship with someone in their class." It's their vocation, their passion, not a dating service. If they are a socially well adjusted individual they can merge with different people of different educational backgrounds and cultures. I would be hard pressed to believe that all PhD's are in ltr with other PhD's as you so implied. There are so many other factors that will/can determine who you will find to be a suitable mate and educational level is just a part of the equation. Maybe your experience/exposure in regards to your research group connecting with other like minded individuals in ltr is merely result of convenience. Not having the opportunity to explore options beyond their network.
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 We've got varying degrees of education, him with a J.D., myself MSc in Finance and Econ. Our incomes from our jobs are on par, due to the difference in fields.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Not all highly educated people quest to "come out the other end to form a new relationship with someone in their class." It's their vocation, their passion, not a dating service. If they are a socially well adjusted individual they can merge with different people of different educational backgrounds and cultures. I would be hard pressed to believe that all PhD's are in ltr with other PhD's as you so implied. There are so many other factors that will/can determine who you will find to be a suitable mate and educational level is just a part of the equation. Maybe your experience/exposure in regards to your research group connecting with other like minded individuals in ltr is merely result of convenience. Not having the opportunity to explore options beyond their network. Firstly I didn't say "all" I said "I haven't stated this is for all cases". Did you miss that big fat thing staring you right in the face? Secondly I also didn't say other PhD's I said highly educated/professional. Did you also miss that big fat thing staring you right in the face? Finally I'm done discussing this with people from "the University of life". On the whole highly educated people do like highly educated people, I don't care what your hangup is about it, go discuss it with your partner instead of trying to claim the rules aren't what they are.
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 CP, I agree that more often than not, you'll find that professionals are drawn to professionals. ALL my married friends are similarly degree'd, although some of the ladies have chosen to become SAHMs for the interim, while their kids are young. Of the unmarried friends, they're also dating/engaged/living with professionals with similar creds.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Firstly I didn't say "all" I said "I haven't stated this is for all cases". Did you miss that big fat thing staring you right in the face? Secondly I also didn't say other PhD's I said highly educated/professional. Did you also miss that big fat thing staring you right in the face? Finally I'm done discussing this with people from "the University of life". On the whole highly educated people do like highly educated people, I don't care what your hangup is about it, go discuss it with your partner instead of trying to claim the rules aren't what they are. Nice...just the type of response I expected from a highly eductated mal-adjusted individual. You are too smart to address people from the "University of life", or maybe not smart enough. Explains your lack if composure. Something missed when you acheived your degree?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Nice...just the type of response I expected from a highly eductated mal-adjusted individual. You are too smart to address people from the "University of life", or maybe not smart enough. Explains your lack if composure. Something missed when you acheived your degree? My "lack of composure" is because you're laying into me for no other reason than your own hangups. I'm not taking this off you, I stated clearly what my preference was, what the trend is, that it wasn't for all cases, and what my evidence was. I might have known you'd have turned this into inverse snobbery - hence the "University of life" aka inverse snob reference. I have every right to state my preference, and if you don't like it it's your problem, not mine.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My "lack of composure" is because you're laying into me for no other reason than your own hangups. I'm not taking this off you, I stated clearly what my preference was, that it wasn't for all cases, and what my evidence was. I might have known you'd have turned this into inverse snobbery. I have every right to state my preference, and if you don't like it it's your problem, not mine. It's not about like or dislike. I don't agree with you. Just as you stated your position, I've stated mine. You should not be so sensitive CommitmentPhobe.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 It's not about like or dislike. I don't agree with you. Just as you stated your position, I've stated mine. You should not be so sensitive CommitmentPhobe. Excuse me, don't flame me then claim I'm sensitive. You didn't even bother to read my post before you went off on your tirade.
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Nice...just the type of response I expected from a highly eductated mal-adjusted individual. You are too smart to address people from the "University of life", or maybe not smart enough. Explains your lack if composure. Something missed when you acheived your degree? Yeah but you totally twisted his original post to make it sound like something he was not saying out of what appears your own lack of understanding. I did not interpret he meant PhD's only look for PhD's, I understood it that people look for people who are like minded in levels of education be it in the same field or something completely unrelated. Not sure why you understood otherwise?
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 If looking at formal education then I am far more qualified than my H, I also earn more and have a higher status job. Are either of us bothered by this? Not at all. He is very confident and well read across a wide range of subjects. He does not feel inferior to me in any way - we both recognise each others strengths (and weaknesses ). As for our careers, he has helped and supported me in mine as I help him in his. It just so happens that my field allows me to progress further within an organisation than his typically would. Perhaps if your H made more money, and had higher education you would not have had an affair? I feel like this is not a truthful post.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Excuse me, don't flame me then claim I'm sensitive. You didn't even bother to read my post before you went off on your tirade. No tirade, I stated my postion which for some reason you took offense to.
wuggle Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Perhaps if your H made more money, and had higher education you would not have had an affair? I feel like this is not a truthful post. Maybe if she had a lesser education and earned less I might not have had an affair first ? maybe you have a personal issue with the poster? perhaps she is more honest that you ?
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Yeah but you totally twisted his original post to make it sound like something he was not saying out of what appears your own lack of understanding. I did not interpret he meant PhD's only look for PhD's, I understood it that people look for people who are like minded in levels of education be it in the same field or something completely unrelated. Not sure why you understood otherwise? Fine, I can accept your explanation and calm manner in which you delivered it. Maybe I could have worded my statement differently. However, that does not excuse CommitmentPhobe attempt to belittle me by saying "not discussing this with people from the University of Life" Attack gets attack.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 No tirade, I stated my postion which for some reason you took offense to. Of course I took offense to it, I was being particularly careful to suggest this was what I saw as trend and that it wasn't for all cases. Of course you are entitled to disagree, but what's the point of having a discussion if you're going to take my post and turn it into something that I didn't even say? I also find it outright offensive that you think I went through 5 years of hardship and determination to better serve the public and came to think of my PhD "a dating service", or think anyone else thinks like that. I made quite a clear point, when you raise your economic and educational level why then form relationships with people that don't mix in similar circles and have similar backgrounds? And then throwing in that "If they are a socially well adjusted individual they can merge with different people of different educational backgrounds and cultures.". Where did I even suggest otherwise? This isn't mutually exclusive to forming relationships or wanting a partner that compliments you, which I suggested (and you are entitle to disagree) would be someone with a similar educational background. Whether you like it or not there is a recognised class system. I wouldn't blast a blue collar worker for suggesting that birds of a feather flock together, so what's the difference when I state people with a high educational background tend to attract similar, whether circumstantial or otherwise?
movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 This exchange reminded me that whether we like it or not, there is a tendency in people with higher level of education (and/or income) to look down on those that do not have it. In my opinion, whether or not one succumbs to this (pretty classless) tendency is one of the most reliable measures of character (or lack of).
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 This exchange reminded me that whether we like it or not, there is a tendency in people with higher level of education (and/or income) to look down on those that do not have it. In my opinion, whether or not one succumbs to this (pretty classless) tendency is one of the most reliable measures of character (or lack of). And yet you've been skulking round this forum insulting career women (and anyone who likes them) for the last few weeks at every opportunity. No coincidence that this should come after you've broken up with one. You're so transparent dude.
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 And yet you've been skulking round this forum insulting career women (and anyone who likes them) for the last few weeks at every opportunity. No coincidence that this should come after you've broken up with one. You're so transparent dude. Don't rise to the baiting posts. It's just an inflammatory comment due to the chip on his shoulders.
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