SophieA Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I am wondering if there are any couples out there with varying levels of education...and how does it affect your relationship? For example...my best friend has his associate degree in early childhood education...and his wife has a master's degree. She's an engineer and he works at a daycare center. He tells me often that he feels inferior to his wife b/c she has a much higher level of education and makes a lot more money. Is anyone else in a similar situation that would like to share? I'm interested to hear your stories... Thanks.
riobikini Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My husband and I are pretty equally yoked. I think men take it harder when the female happens to be the one with the primo education -especially, if she becomes the main producer of wealth. Now, I say that with the scenario in mind of the realtionship being a pretty traditional one. Men who have found it easier to mooch off their spouse or girlfriend's income have no problem with ego and the traditional idea that men are usually the ones with the bigger salaries and bring home the bacon. Education obviously, has potential to bring on the bigger salary. If it goes beyond those boundaries -and if a guy just can't get past the whole idea- I think it can affect bedroom performance, as well. If the female has the better education and is the main producer of income, I think it takes a pretty well-adjusted guy to make the relationship work. -Rio
Miss Ting Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I have a friend who has a Master's in a highly specialized field and has returned to school for a 2nd bachelor in a completely different field. Her bf of 4 years has no college degree and it has definitely effected their relationship. When they first got together, he would say things to show his insecurities and basically let her know that he didn't feel "good enough" for her because if it came down to it, she would make more money than him and have to take care of him. Whereas he used to express his intention to marry her all the time, he's damn near completely quieted them, and instead have set out on a mission to "conquer the world" in an effort to bring something (financially) to the relationship. Problem is, he tells her he wants to feel like he can "take care of her," but he really isn't doing much, so she's frustrated at their inability to progress. However, I have a 2nd friend who is also working on her 2nd bachelor and her husband has no college education. It presents no problem whatsoever, but unlike the guy above, this one owns and operates his own business. In the end, I don't think the education is all that important. What's important is what you're actually doing, and ambition. I do believe guys feel inferior when they make less money than their partner and do find it empowering when they feel they can "take care of their women" even though they claim they don't want to these days.
2sure Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 If a person has pursued a high level of education with the expectation of a high earning potential....it could be expected that income is important to them and they would want a spouse with a similar eduation/income. This same person could marry a person with an advanced degree and if it didnt lead to a highter income, resentment may ensue. On the other hand, many couples where both have a higher level education, decide that one will pursue the main career/income while the other focuses on home and family. Still, the education is there. Income aside, I think the level of education that a person has is one of the "things is common" successful married couples have. I would go so far as to say that if your friend is feeling inferior, he should take classes to get his BA. Even if income is not a factor, it will make him feel he has more in common with his spouse. I have a higher educational degree than my H, but he is the main earner by far.
carhill Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Depends on how much the respective parties value symbols of society's affirmation of achievement. I personally could care less. A woman can be a doctor of everything and make a bazillion dollars and she still has to shyte in the morning and has good and bad days. We're just people. When you get old, you'll see what I mean. Most of my close friends are low-key wealthy people who are successful in life. Not a doctor of anything amongst them. So, I guess education (as in structured and condoned by society) isn't all that important to me
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I have a PhD and can only click with well educated women. This is all to do with having a similar mindset and outlook. I'm even at the stage where people with bachelors aren't appealing to me because of the disparity in outlook. I do not agree with arguments about education not counting. There is a huge gap in people's ability to think rationally and soundly according to their education level, and thus people's outlooks can be partially based upon that particular skill. Education does count in breeding a mindset that attracts success. Avg salary in the US (2003) clearly shows it: - HS drop out $23,013 - HS graduate $37,620 - Some College $46,109 - Bach Degree $66,997 - Masters Degree $78,094 - PhD $94,487 - Prof Degree $104,368
Author SophieA Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Thank you all for your great responses! Keep them coming! Carhill- You crack me up! And, for the record, my opinion on the subject is quite close to yours. CommitmentPhobe- I've met plenty of intelligent folks that don't have 6, 8, or 12 years of school under their belt. I have a bachelor's (working on a master's) and only make $25,000 a year...so I'm not sure how accurate that scale is!
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I've met plenty of intelligent folks that don't have 6, 8, or 12 years of school under their belt. I have a bachelor's (working on a master's) and only make $25,000 a year...so I'm not sure how accurate that scale is! Ah but you see, I wasn't referring to intelligence, I was referring to outlook and ability to critically think. A person who has gone through exhaustive training to acquire those skills is able to do it better than someone who hasn't.
carhill Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 IDK; I backed our MC into a corner a few times with some of my esoteric philosophical twisties. I'll bet he has a PhD (he's a clinical psychologist) and makes a heckuva lot more money than I do. Perhaps he is smarter than me, as well as more educated, getting me to pay him to play with him
fral945 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I would say education is somewhat important. I say somewhat because there is formal education (i.e., high school, college, graduate school) and informal (i.e., common sense, life experience, etc.). I have a bachelor's and find I have a hard time dealing with women who only graduated high school and women with Ph.D’s. I think you can be too educated (as far as formal education) and I want neither extreme. I have found I fit best with women anywhere from some college to a master’s degree. Anything above or below that range and our outlook on life tends to differ too drastically. I would imagine (generally speaking) that those at the extremes would want someone comparable to their level as well, though you could probably find some exceptions.
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Eh, not with me. I have a BS in psychology. My S/O dropped out of college his freshman year. He is a master carpenter, however, with over 20 years of experience in his trade. We get along great. He knows a lot of stuff that I don't, and vice versa. I don't think I could be with someone who isn't intellectually stimulating to me. We both have a love of learning, though. He definitely makes a lot more money than I could, though.
movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I don't think that education is important - in terms of my own personal preference and also because of being pragmatic - I too have a doctorate, and restricting myself to strictly comparable women will eliminate 98.5% of the female population from my dating pool, (and I'd rather be done with this whole hooplah soon rather than "take my time" and 'explore' :laugh:). More to the point, unless a person is actually a doorknob (which no amount of education will ever fully rectify), I don't see what education brings to the relationship. I'm a lot more interested in feeling warm and cozy with a woman rather than having extended intellectual discussions with her on any topic - I've got my colleagues/collaborators for that. It is true that a severe disparity in education (i.e. 'some college' vs. PhD) could be a problem due to differences in worldview, but discrepancies that big are rare. Moreover, I've seen plenty of MDs who are unable to think critically, so it's pretty much a crapshoos in that regard. My ex has a PhD in engineering, and her ability to think critically wasn't something to write home about too (of course, in the interest of full disclosure, I should say that my field is pretty much the business of arguing, so I'm pretty harsh on casual discussions, but that's exactly the point - being rigorous in such conversations contributes nothing to the relationship, and may even hurt: such discussions with my ex went very sour not because she was dumb, but because of character shortcomings of mine, such as always having to prove that I'm right, and therefore passionately arguing about things she casually mentioned just to share. Instead of smiling and saying "Hmm, interesting" or "that's sweet", i turned them in discourse bloodbaths ). As long as you can have fun with somebody and are comfortable and trust each other, education doesn't mean shet. Women may have different ideas though, because in addition to being strong, sweet, sensitive, well-earning, assertive, good looking, their man of course needs to be highly educated and intellectually stimulating too ). why yes, of course !!
Miss Ting Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Ah but you see, I wasn't referring to intelligence, I was referring to outlook and ability to critically think. A person who has gone through exhaustive training to acquire those skills is able to do it better than someone who hasn't. I don't know if I agree with this one. I've worked with too many people in my profession with more advance degrees than myself who couldn't think critically to save their lives. I believe that ability is more of an innate aptitude that can only be enhanced through training, but never acquired. My opinion of course.
Treasa Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Ah but you see, I wasn't referring to intelligence, I was referring to outlook and ability to critically think. A person who has gone through exhaustive training to acquire those skills is able to do it better than someone who hasn't. I think it depends on the person. My mom is a few credits short of her college degree (I came along unexpectedly, and then my father left, which means she worked non-stop to support us), but she has better critical thinking skills than anyone I know. Education and formal education aren't the same thing. Skills aren't learned just in school.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My ex holds a PhD and is considered an expert in his field. I make more money and have considerable more assests then he. Sort of balanced things out. However, what I most enjoyed about our relationship, is that his public, professional persona was checked at the door. I was privleged to know both the public and private person. To me he was not his credentials, but a normal guy that liked walking around the house naked, playing video games and laughing at his own farts. So much for similar mindset and outlook.
LoveLace Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Funny because I JUST now started a thread related to this...I'm a nursing student so I'm always bombarded by big words and medical terminology; so today on a dating site there was a guy interested in me that couldn't even spell "cool" correctly...he spelled it with a K! I don't expect someone's level of education to be exactly as mine, but I do want to feel that someone is as smart and successful as I, if not more so... my high school boyfriend was a drop out job-hopper and he totally felt inferior to me, leaving me to almost feel like more of a mother figure to him than a girlfriend...that wasn't "kool"....
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My thoughts: I think education is very important unless you are a very successful business person. With both my exes, I was more educated.. My last ex.. was a high school drop-out.. but gosh he was one of the most intelligent guy I've known.. he is now millionnaire (successful businessman).. Other than the example above.. the guy would have to be at least as educated as I am.. My first ex was also a high school drop-out but he always had a good job (in those days, education wasn't as important, people could get a good job without it).. but he wasn't as intelligent.. I finally got tired of him..
clv0116 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 It's not income or education so much as achievement. A low achieving man will often feel uncomfortable with a high achieving woman.
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 It's not income or education so much as achievement. A low achieving man will often feel uncomfortable with a high achieving woman. good point..
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 It's not income or education so much as achievement. A low achieving man will often feel uncomfortable with a high achieving woman. Which is why women who have a certain standard look for the same or above, so really we are doing men a favour in having these standards because if we settled for lower achieving men we would only be making them feel inadequate. I am glad you can admit this.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My ex holds a PhD and is considered an expert in his field. I make more money and have considerable more assests then he. Sort of balanced things out. However, what I most enjoyed about our relationship, is that his public, professional persona was checked at the door. I was privleged to know both the public and private person. To me he was not his credentials, but a normal guy that liked walking around the house naked, playing video games and laughing at his own farts. So much for similar mindset and outlook. Perhaps it's different in other places, either way I can't name a single person in my research group, in all the research groups I've been in or anyone I've collaborated with that didn't have a highly educated/professional long term partner. By the way, this is a lot of people, and this is a top Uni. I'm sure there are counterexamples that work, and I haven't stated this is for all cases, but I just can't see this not being a normal trend. I don't know why anyone would put themselves through 5 years of hardship to achieve something like that and come out the other end forming new relationships with anyone who isn't in their class. It would be like two completely different worlds colliding, and I don't think that's a natural thing. I do think people on the whole look for people of a similar educational background. Again, there are exceptions to this, but I would be surprised if it wasn't a small minority.
clv0116 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Which is why women who have a certain standard look for the same or above, so really we are doing men a favour in having these standards because if we settled for lower achieving men we would only be making them feel inadequate. I am glad you can admit this. Admit? I'm not sure that's the right verb, as a high achieving man I revel in it. I earn more than all but 3% of the US population, which is a pretty wealthy nation overall. I'm completely OK with women digging high achieving guys.
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Admit? I'm not sure that's the right verb, as a high achieving man I revel in it. I earn more than all but 3% of the US population, which is a pretty wealthy nation overall. I'm completely OK with women digging high achieving guys. Really? because you didn't seem so keen on it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t179135/ Maybe that thread and all you posted in it was a form of catharsis and thus metamorphosis for you? My, my your tune has changed.
movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Which is why women who have a certain standard look for the same or above, so really we are doing men a favour in having these standards because if we settled for lower achieving men we would only be making them feel inadequate. I am glad you can admit this. Wah, wah, wah, that's a total myth. I totally wouldn't care if my girlfriend had superior educational or financial achievements (and when i was younger, this was often the case). In the end of the day, she's still a woman in need of things that only a dude that's too cool for school can provide, education or not (and I'm not only talking about "that" ). Some guys will feel inferionr, some wouldn't. The point is that the guys would feel insecure in such a situation would be insecure *even if* they had the education and the money, so there's no difference.
clv0116 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Really? because you didn't seem so keen on it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t179135/ Maybe that thread and all you posted in it was a form of catharsis and thus metamorphosis for you? My, my your tune has changed. My tune has never changed, maybe your world view has colored your perception of what I write? I've been fine with the fact that women love big earners for a few decades now. You probably have me confused with some whiners who also post on those threads.
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