gutted1 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 cut a long story short, I loved my ex girlfriend with all my heart, however my heart was ripped out by her in September last year. She was a cheat and crushed me I was the lowest i'd ever been, but i didn't crawl or try and get her back one bit after the last phone call, just immediatly went NC I became suicidal and sort help from the doctor got put on anti depressants which have actually saved my life. Its now February and after the hell i've been through mentally and emotionally i can honestly say that the only thing i hope and prey for is that i never ever see or hear from my ex ever again, the thought of her makes me feel physically sick!!! The reason i'm posting this is to let people who have recently been dumped and cheated know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, use NC to improve and work on yourself not to get your ex back, remember that life goes on and you will move onto bigger and better things, time really does heal. I unfortunately can't help but think about the ex this month because of v-day obviously but also because we were due to get engaged this month as well. . . . turned out i had a lucky escape. nearly through this month and then i'm free for good hopefully !!! Good luck everyone and remember to stay strong and make yourself your priority !!
sultry33 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 thank you for sharing... I feel exactly the same way..onwards and up x
Woggle Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Thank you dodged that bullet and didn't marry her.
Jenny123 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Gutted1, My Ex left me September last year, I found out in October he is with someone else. I was suicidal etc, quit my job, fell to pieces etc. Life does go on, I'm now wondering if I will have a love like that again? Hard to hate someone when although he was ****ty at the end-we had a good relationship prior. I'm world weary now, and why do they move on & be happy with someone else? Whilst we become broken, distrustful, cynical? Life is better but I would like to be in love....
Author gutted1 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Gutted1, My Ex left me September last year, I found out in October he is with someone else. I was suicidal etc, quit my job, fell to pieces etc. Life does go on, I'm now wondering if I will have a love like that again? Hard to hate someone when although he was ****ty at the end-we had a good relationship prior. I don't know about you but if like me once the bomb was dropped all little signs i'd seen added up and all the pieces fell into place, my girl had been betraying me the whole way through our relationship, i was just too blinded by love to see it, so although i thought we were happy after it ended i could see everything all so clearly. Its damaged me to the point where i really don't trust any women now and i haven't been involved with any women in any way since although i do wish that i had a girl that i was in love with. I'm world weary now, and why do they move on & be happy with someone else? Whilst we become broken, distrustful, cynical? Life is better but I would like to be in love.... I think what has happened to us is all part of a big learning curve, i'm so much wiser now also i feel that should i see signs in any future relationship i will be strong enough to put a stop to the relationship before i get hurt. Basically we will probably become better people from our bad experiences. Best not to focus on what they are doing, i'm focusing completly on myself now, i'm starting modelling this year and i've got loads of other plans, the best revenge is success Judging by your picture Jenny you really have nothing to worry about:)
Jenny123 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks Gutted1, nice that i'm not alone in these feelings. Starting a fantastic job (airhostess) in 2wks, so thats my fresh start. Been a long wait! I think I will make wiser choices next time-go for a good man-not the shallow, vain types I went for before. Good luck with the modelling,v.cool:)
Author gutted1 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks Gutted1, nice that i'm not alone in these feelings. Starting a fantastic job (airhostess) in 2wks, so thats my fresh start. Been a long wait! I think I will make wiser choices next time-go for a good man-not the shallow, vain types I went for before. Good luck with the modelling,v.cool:) You'll have a great time in your new job!! airhostess is v.cool as well !! Never judge a book buy its cover, you can get vain guys that are good men too, honest. being vain is mainly because of insecurity:) I know what you mean with this though, my ex girlfriend was the typical bimbo type girl, beautiful but very very obsessed with getting attention, i shall avoid these types of girls like the plauge in future !! I think that we both need to get to know people better before we get involved, i have rushed into things in the past and it always goes wrong!! So next time i'm gonna get to know the girl properly first, if i'd have taken things a bit slower with my ex and used my brain rather than my **** i would have probably ditched her after the first red flag, but i did my usual falling in love thing and ignoring the warning signs thing and surprise surprise i get crushed !!! lol Another lesson learnt the hard way !!
riobikini Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 re: Gutted1: "....time really does heal. " I do believe time heals wounds. But it's important, too *how* they heal. A bitter, infected slash of the heart doesn't heal, at all, too well if they right care isn't given. Little pieces of debris like denial, bitterness,and hatred just make the scar all ugly. Yeah, you'll heal but you'll wind up still having to cover up the scar with a big tatoo or something. (Analogies are everything, sometimes......Smile). Ignoring some of the worst parts of your ordeal doen't work, either. You have to find the courage to come face to face with all the things that hurt you. In time. I don't believe healthy recovery from a nightmare heartbreak is an overnight accomplishment. It's not cut 'n dry -and it's certainly, not easy by no means. It takes time. Baby steps. Minutes, hours, days...until you're strong again. I've been there -and it's amazing how small it all appears, now, from where I'm standing. I'm a happy person. But what a difference from way back then. (Smile) -Rio
riobikini Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 P.S. After having been absent from this board for so long, my fingers are flying too fast across the keyboard! Folks, please excuse my typos. -Rio
Author gutted1 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 ~Thanks Rio I've gone from suicidal to being ok and happy again. However the pain of my experience has changed me as a person, i'm very untrusting of women now and i'll be ultra careful from now on, i'll be glad when this month is over and i can put her behind me once and for all. Its just difficult this month because of the fact we were due to get engaged in 2 days time so i can't help but think about her, i'll cross this bridge then i'll be free !!! peace
sedgwick Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 You got over all of this in FOUR MONTHS??? I'm 19 months out from a 10 month relationship I'm still mourning. How do people DO this??
Surfer Dude Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 ~Thanks Rio I've gone from suicidal to being ok and happy again. However the pain of my experience has changed me as a person, i'm very untrusting of women now and i'll be ultra careful from now on, i'll be glad when this month is over and i can put her behind me once and for all. Its just difficult this month because of the fact we were due to get engaged in 2 days time so i can't help but think about her, i'll cross this bridge then i'll be free !!! peace It's not worth being mistrustful. There are great ladies out there. Instead of fearing them, try to see positive aspects and qualities in all women you meet. Not all are disrespectful and dumb. Also, try not to take relationships and life too seriously Life and love are a game, enjoy them. See failures as no more than being beaten by a boss at your favorite game. Good luck bro.
Surfer Dude Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 You got over all of this in FOUR MONTHS??? I'm 19 months out from a 10 month relationship I'm still mourning. How do people DO this?? By doing self work, challenging their own core beliefs and system of values and replacing them with something better and new. A natural evolution occurs. It doesn't mean betraying yourself, it just means discarding stupid beliefs about live and love and accepting some new mindsets and values. This process hurts badly, it's very confusing and scary to venture into uncharted waters like this but in the end it pays off. It also took me something like 4 months. In plain language, I underwent a transformation from beta to alpha! This breakup was the best thing that happened to me!
Author gutted1 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 You got over all of this in FOUR MONTHS??? I'm 19 months out from a 10 month relationship I'm still mourning. How do people DO this?? Well i had the help from the doctor But mainly this girl nearly made me take my own life but i realised that shes gone and its her choice, what can i do about it .?? . . . nothing.!!! She wasn't what i thought she was and what she turned out to be actually disgusts me to the point where the thought of her makes me feel physically sick. Mourning and obsessing will make absolutely no difference whatsoever, all it will do is make you ill!! If you get dumped by someone it sucks but it also means that person isn't the one for you because if they leave you they don't have true love for you. Time wasted mourning and obsessing is less time that can be spent with the right person.
Author gutted1 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 It's not worth being mistrustful. There are great ladies out there. Instead of fearing them, try to see positive aspects and qualities in all women you meet. Not all are disrespectful and dumb. Also, try not to take relationships and life too seriously Life and love are a game, enjoy them. See failures as no more than being beaten by a boss at your favorite game. Good luck bro. Cheers Surfer dude, I am realiseing that its all a bit of a game and i will try not to fall so hard next time and keep my wits about me, i hate losing you see!! lol
sedgwick Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 By doing self work, challenging their own core beliefs and system of values and replacing them with something better and new. You mean sort of like I'm doing by going to therapy three days a week, dancing daily, doing lots of yoga, making a film, and writing a memoir? It hasn't helped much.
Author gutted1 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 You mean sort of like I'm doing by going to therapy three days a week, dancing daily, doing lots of yoga, making a film, and writing a memoir? It hasn't helped much. Sedgwick, I think you should spend more time focusing on your life now than going to therapy and living the past over and over again. You sound a cool girl into cool things, get out and give a great guy the opportunity to meet you, i'm certain if you let yourself meet another guy you like you would be happy.
black cat Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You got over all of this in FOUR MONTHS??? I'm 19 months out from a 10 month relationship I'm still mourning. How do people DO this?? Mourning and obsessing will make absolutely no difference whatsoever, all it will do is make you ill!! If you get dumped by someone it sucks but it also means that person isn't the one for you because if they leave you they don't have true love for you. Time wasted mourning and obsessing is less time that can be spent with the right person. I've been lurking on this forum for a long time, nearly 2 years now. I've read just about every post in the coping section, for reasons I'll go into later. Sedgwick, what amazes me is that I sometimes go a couple of months without reading here, but I can guarantee that when I read a post from you, it will be saying exactly the same things...I'm not over him, he dumped me because I wasn't a fiddler player, etc. You've had 'tough' love, you've had people telling you how great you are - none of it seems to have made any difference. So why are you still here? Yes, maybe he did dump you just because you didn't play the fiddle. Or maybe he dumped you because he knew you were looking at him to make you happy...which is too much for any person. God alone knows most of us have trouble making ourselves happy - but that's how it should be, YOU MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY - IT IS NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ANYONE ELSE! I actually feel a bit sorry for this 'Joe' now. He's being blamed for your present unhappiness - yes, he did make you unhappy by ending your relationship, but that was in the past. You cannot keep blaming him for it now. I'm bipolar, and have suffered from crippling bouts of depression for over 20 years....I'm now 40. So yes, I do know what it is like to have a mental illness, in case you were thinking 'huh! she doesn't know what she is talking about'. I came to this forum because 2 and a half years ago I met a man I loved so much, I wanted to have children with him. Due to our ages, we decided to check out how fertile we both were - during these tests, it was discovered I had cervical cancer. As this was my second time around with it, I had to have a hysterectomy. My ex was so desperate for children, he ended our relationship while I was still been treated...he's now with a woman of 32, who no doubt is still fertile. His actions nearly killed me. I actually gave up cancer treatment for awhile, I was so devestated...I couldn't see the point of living. Tonnes of therapy later, I'm still here. I still have very rough days, but I realise that is because I am trying to live in the past. Yeah, the present and the future don't look too bright to me either at the moment, (I'm still having grief counselling to deal with not having children) but I don't blame my ex for what happened. He knew that he wanted children, and he knew it was his responsiblity to make that happen - he knew he was only responsible for his own happiness. Dumping me while I was being treated for cancer was cruel, and is the only thing I wish he had done differently. I've highlighted what gutted has said, because it is so true. You are obsessing now. I have read that you are having threapy...is this being addresssed?
foxh1234 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I've been lurking on this forum for a long time, nearly 2 years now. I've read just about every post in the coping section, for reasons I'll go into later. Sedgwick, what amazes me is that I sometimes go a couple of months without reading here, but I can guarantee that when I read a post from you, it will be saying exactly the same things...I'm not over him, he dumped me because I wasn't a fiddler player, etc. You've had 'tough' love, you've had people telling you how great you are - none of it seems to have made any difference. So why are you still here? Yes, maybe he did dump you just because you didn't play the fiddle. Or maybe he dumped you because he knew you were looking at him to make you happy...which is too much for any person. God alone knows most of us have trouble making ourselves happy - but that's how it should be, YOU MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY - IT IS NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ANYONE ELSE! I actually feel a bit sorry for this 'Joe' now. He's being blamed for your present unhappiness - yes, he did make you unhappy by ending your relationship, but that was in the past. You cannot keep blaming him for it now. I'm bipolar, and have suffered from crippling bouts of depression for over 20 years....I'm now 40. So yes, I do know what it is like to have a mental illness, in case you were thinking 'huh! she doesn't know what she is talking about'. I came to this forum because 2 and a half years ago I met a man I loved so much, I wanted to have children with him. Due to our ages, we decided to check out how fertile we both were - during these tests, it was discovered I had cervical cancer. As this was my second time around with it, I had to have a hysterectomy. My ex was so desperate for children, he ended our relationship while I was still been treated...he's now with a woman of 32, who no doubt is still fertile. His actions nearly killed me. I actually gave up cancer treatment for awhile, I was so devestated...I couldn't see the point of living. Tonnes of therapy later, I'm still here. I still have very rough days, but I realise that is because I am trying to live in the past. Yeah, the present and the future don't look too bright to me either at the moment, (I'm still having grief counselling to deal with not having children) but I don't blame my ex for what happened. He knew that he wanted children, and he knew it was his responsiblity to make that happen - he knew he was only responsible for his own happiness. Dumping me while I was being treated for cancer was cruel, and is the only thing I wish he had done differently. I've highlighted what gutted has said, because it is so true. You are obsessing now. I have read that you are having threapy...is this being addresssed? Hey Black cat, lurking for 2 years, it's about time you posted;) I am so sorry to hear about what you went through. No one deserves to be treated that way. You are so right about loving yourself. Ilearned this and I feel so much better. It has been the worst year of my life but I have learned so much about myself, it is worth it in a strange way. As far as Sedge goes, I love talking with her on here so I'm glad she is still here. I do agree that she needs to continue to move forward and put him behind her. It is hard, no doubt and it takes each of us different amounts of time to get there. She will be OK, it is just taking a long time. Welcome and I hope to chat with you on here again.
entityzero Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 gutted and jenny i really connect with what you guys are saying, i feel for both of you and relate very well to the advice you give each other! im going almost the same as you gutted except my ex hooked up with a mate, quickly. it sucked. it still sucks. but im glad i read this thread, it must have something to do with learning, people like us need to learn these lessons because we are the better person! Well id like to believe that anyway but maybe its just random, i do think the bigger your heart the more it hurts when it breaks. see..this is me trying to be positive! surfer dudes got the right attitude aswell we'll get there in the end and our exes will be up s**t creek, f**k them! so to speak. good luck all:lmao:
Author gutted1 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 gutted and jenny i really connect with what you guys are saying, i feel for both of you and relate very well to the advice you give each other! im going almost the same as you gutted except my ex hooked up with a mate, quickly. it sucked. it still sucks. but im glad i read this thread, it must have something to do with learning, people like us need to learn these lessons because we are the better person! Well id like to believe that anyway but maybe its just random, i do think the bigger your heart the more it hurts when it breaks. see..this is me trying to be positive! surfer dudes got the right attitude aswell we'll get there in the end and our exes will be up s**t creek, f**k them! so to speak. good luck all:lmao: I think the hardest bit is remembering your self worth through these types of break up. The way we've been treated isn't anything to do with us but everything to do with our exs, i still have moments here i feel low and hurt by the thought of her but then i force myself to remember that i did nothing wrong and that what happened happened for a reason. What i do when i get a negative thought is to alter that thought to a positive. . . .For example when i sit and think about my ex all happy and having fun without me and sleeping with someone else it makes me sick. . . . .but then i alter that thought to feeling pity for the new guy because i found out the hard way what she is like and know what he's in for and i also think to myself that whilst shes been out sleeping around and making a bad reputation for herself i've been bettering myself and working towards a brighter future which she will have no part in, i've been dealing with my emotions and working though them not burying them. I believe in the law of attraction and if you get in life what you attract into your life, my ex is attracting abuse and crap into her life i'm doing the opposite and will continue to do so. If anyone is interested in the law of attraction you should by a DVD called 'the secret' its very insightful and will give you a better understanding of how thing work. just keep positive and focused, if you lose focus you will sink.
seductress989 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Hey guys, I have experienced three memorable breakups throughout my 24 years. I am young I know but each breakup makes me stronger and teaches me valuable lesson I can honestly say that I have taken something from each relationship that I ended. Call it being young or plain commitment phobia but *Yes, I ended all 3 relationships and it was still hell. Being the dumper is just as bad as being the dumpee. My first breakup taught me to value myself and I began working out. Well that was five years ago and I have never stopped. It was the best thing I could do for myself. It was so hard and I broke NC so many times before I finally got it right. The second guy I ended things with taught me about my beliefs and how important it is for me to date someone with similiar beliefs if considering marriage. The most recent breakup I iniated was by far the hardest and I ran from it for almost a year trying to change him. I learned that a person is not changeable and if you can't tolerate who they are then don't stay with them. Each time NC is easier for me and less painful. I hope that my response helps people realize that in good things do come out of painful experiences and that all of you will survive!
Author gutted1 Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 Hey guys, I have experienced three memorable breakups throughout my 24 years. I am young I know but each breakup makes me stronger and teaches me valuable lesson I can honestly say that I have taken something from each relationship that I ended. Call it being young or plain commitment phobia but *Yes, I ended all 3 relationships and it was still hell. Being the dumper is just as bad as being the dumpee. My first breakup taught me to value myself and I began working out. Well that was five years ago and I have never stopped. It was the best thing I could do for myself. It was so hard and I broke NC so many times before I finally got it right. The second guy I ended things with taught me about my beliefs and how important it is for me to date someone with similiar beliefs if considering marriage. The most recent breakup I iniated was by far the hardest and I ran from it for almost a year trying to change him. I learned that a person is not changeable and if you can't tolerate who they are then don't stay with them. Each time NC is easier for me and less painful. I hope that my response helps people realize that in good things do come out of painful experiences and that all of you will survive! good things do come out of painful experiences and that all of you will survive! bad experiences help make up who you become as a person, i've learnt so much from all my break ups and i believe that although incredibly painful they have benefited me.
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