Viking Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 There's this girl in my class who I've become kind of fond towards. We've been in the same class for a month and a half and talked to her for the first time at a church service for college aged young adults...not sure what to call it. Anyways, I was there with another friend and was leaving the church and she (the girl I am interested in) stopped me and introduced herself. Talked about class for a little bit and whatnot. Next day, saw her in class and said, "Hi" and after class, went with another classmate to the library to make some photo copies of my notes for him. Well, on the way, he and I are talking about these two girls in our class and lo-and-behold, this girl is walking down the hall, so we slow down before going into the library so she could catch up and chat. We're talking for a little bit in the library with her and another classmate of ours. My buddy needed the copies, so we left the group and went our separate ways. Fast forward a week. She sits next to two guys in class. After class, she leaves the room with one of them and they're talking about "that guy", the guy everybody hates in our class because he's a suck up and knows everything. I overhear them and decide to join into the conversation. We're going down the stairs talking about him and get outside, and the guy she was walking with jets off and says, "see ya later". So, obviously, he wasn't a boyfriend/interest of hers. I continue walking with her discussing what she is studying, what I'm studying etc. We get into the library where she was going to wait for some other classmate from another class, but we're standing there for 5-10 minutes talking about "stuff". The entire time, she's making quite good eye contact (I think she has navy blue eyes, hard to tell, but anyways...). She seemed quite interested in just talking, but I didn't ask her for her number :o:o. Her classmate shows up and she says, "didn't mean to interrupt anything here...but we gotta get this done." I assume she could tell that I was really digging talking to this girl and possibly vice versa. I wasn't laying it on thick, just being myself. I tend to do that with girls in general though. How do I gauge whether she's into me the next time I see her? I hopefully will "bump" into her at the church function this week on Tuesday, but for sure will see her on Wednesday. She's not a super shy girl, but she's not loud and obnoxious either. Not an attention whore by any means. I'd like to invite her to my lacrosse game on Saturday and out to lunch afterward, but don't want to look the fool by asking her if she either has a boyfriend or is not interested. I guess I only can find out one way and that's by asking her. Would it be best to ask her after class Wednesday by saying, "Are you busy this Saturday afternoon? I've got a lacrosse game and I'd like to invite you and take you to lunch afterward." Probably the best way to phrase it, but nothing ever goes according to plan it seems with this sort of thing. How do you approach her without being a creep if she's walking with the guy-friend? I don't want to wait outside the room either because that might be a little creepy... Basically, I don't want to be a creep despite my desire to talk to her and ask her out. Anyways, any advice (on the multiple hidden questions) would be perfect. Peace.
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Just ask her quietly, and whilst you're on your own, "Hey, would you like to go grab a bite to eat, one evening? My treat..... How about *?*?*day?" (Put your head to one side. That's a nice gesture... ) And shut up. You've invited her, you've given her a day, so let her give you an answer.
Mahatma Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Just mention you are going out to lunch after your lacrosse game and she is welcome to join you. You gauge her interest by her answer to this, and things like eye contact, does she face you when talking, how does she react by the further or closer you are, does she touch you, is she interested in what you do, is she rushed to go anywhere else... etc. My best gauge for you is one you can use while eating. While you are eating, sit all the way back in your seat. If she leans forward to get closer, and not because you are mumbling, then she is most likely interested and you too should lean in. Sounds to me like she at least is interested, but can not really tell if she just thinks you'd be a friend or boyfriend. good luck.
Author Viking Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Well, I'd really like her as a girlfriend. We're both history majors too. Its hard to find really cute history majors it seems. Might be an impossible question to answer, but how do I show her that I'm boyfriend material? I don't chase every girl, womanize, have a lot of bad habits, am stable and intelligent. How does one avoid being creepy without following/lurking?
fishtaco Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Well, I'd really like her as a girlfriend. We're both history majors too. Its hard to find really cute history majors it seems. Might be an impossible question to answer, but how do I show her that I'm boyfriend material? I don't chase every girl, womanize, have a lot of bad habits, am stable and intelligent. How does one avoid being creepy without following/lurking? Why are you justifying your worth? That's the doormat approach. You go get her because that what you want. Plus the "qualities" you listed are not qualities at all. They're good things, don't get me wrong, but they're icing on the cake once the woman is ALREADY interested in you. They will never be the reasons why a woman becomes interested in you. In fact if a woman is interested in you enough, even if you have bad habits she'll probably date you anyway (although it may not be a long lasting relationship, depending on how bad your habits are). So it's great that you're have those qualities and all, but keep them in your back pocket; you're trying to sell a computer to someone that's buying a TV. You avoid lurking by just go and ask her out some place. Casual. Get some coffee, whatever. I would suggest that before your lacrosse game. Unless she's into lacrosse, or you, watching sports generally is boring to women. So if you can build up interest by conversation at coffee shop or other fun activities, then bring her to the lacrosse game. Once she becomes interested in you she'd want to know everything about you, including lacrosse. But having her at the lacrosse game won't "build interest". Although it's really difficult to date shy people. A lot of the times they'll run away even if they're interested in you. So you almost have to push yourself on them. But when is too much? That requires psychic powers. Hence shy people are difficult to date. Personally I would just put it out there. If she comes out of her shell and responds, great. If not, too bad for her, move on.
Author Viking Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Why are you justifying your worth? That's the doormat approach. You go get her because that what you want. Plus the "qualities" you listed are not qualities at all. They're good things, don't get me wrong, but they're icing on the cake once the woman is ALREADY interested in you. They will never be the reasons why a woman becomes interested in you. In fact if a woman is interested in you enough, even if you have bad habits she'll probably date you anyway (although it may not be a long lasting relationship, depending on how bad your habits are). So it's great that you're have those qualities and all, but keep them in your back pocket; you're trying to sell a computer to someone that's buying a TV. You avoid lurking by just go and ask her out some place. Casual. Get some coffee, whatever. I would suggest that before your lacrosse game. Unless she's into lacrosse, or you, watching sports generally is boring to women. So if you can build up interest by conversation at coffee shop or other fun activities, then bring her to the lacrosse game. Once she becomes interested in you she'd want to know everything about you, including lacrosse. But having her at the lacrosse game won't "build interest". Although it's really difficult to date shy people. A lot of the times they'll run away even if they're interested in you. So you almost have to push yourself on them. But when is too much? That requires psychic powers. Hence shy people are difficult to date. Personally I would just put it out there. If she comes out of her shell and responds, great. If not, too bad for her, move on. I guess I figured that asking her to a lacrosse game where I would be playing would be a good way to show her something new. I thought it would be kinda "impressive" being that I play college ball. I would then be taking her to lunch afterward and hope that she would have enjoyed the game. Is Saturday a bad day for a first date? It would be lunch due to the time the game gets done (around 3ish). The whole bit about lurking is if she's walking with that same guy again, how do I ask her without embarrassing her or myself? Girls probably don't like being put on the spot and in case she isn't interested, I don't need an audience to my "crash and burn". Do I just come out and ask her for her number at the same time? "Hey, would you like to go to my lacrosse game on Saturday and go to lunch after? I'd like to take you out, could I get your number?" Does that sound like a reasonable question if phrased like that? This would be the first girl I ask out that I'm really interested in after being single for 7 months. Kinda nervous and jittery but her body language said that she might be game. I just need to step up to the plate and take a swing I guess. I won't act the doormat. Thanks for your advice.
Author Viking Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :love::love::love::love::love:
fishtaco Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Time of the date doesn't matter, as long as it's not ridiculous. Important thing is to get the date and spend time with her. Anyway, good job. Yes, don't do all what wuss stuff second guessing yourself, just do it. See, it worked. But don't get all happy just yet. Women are flaky and change their minds all the time. So far so good, but that doesn't mean everything in the future is going to go well, doesn't mean it won't go well either, you simply don't know. Anyway, just take it one step at a time. It's great that you got her to say yes to the date. But remember, you are testing her as much as she is testing you. If you see red flags, or things you don't like, keep your wits about you and get the hell out. Good job, and I hope things go well for you.
Author Viking Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Time of the date doesn't matter, as long as it's not ridiculous. Important thing is to get the date and spend time with her. Anyway, good job. Yes, don't do all what wuss stuff second guessing yourself, just do it. See, it worked. But don't get all happy just yet. Women are flaky and change their minds all the time. So far so good, but that doesn't mean everything in the future is going to go well, doesn't mean it won't go well either, you simply don't know. Anyway, just take it one step at a time. It's great that you got her to say yes to the date. But remember, you are testing her as much as she is testing you. If you see red flags, or things you don't like, keep your wits about you and get the hell out. Good job, and I hope things go well for you. Thank you. I know what to look out for, I have dated other girls...and decided they weren't for me. I am able to exercise restraint, so I think I will do OK. A friend of mine said I got the "trifecta" tonight. Got an enthusiastic "Yes!", her number and a tentative date. How do I go about Monday when I see her in class? Do I play it cool and talk to her (obviously I should), but do I sit on the other side of the class with her or go to my usual spot? Kinda middle school-ish. I think I will say hi when I walk in and say that I'll talk to her when class is over and work out the details from there (?). I'll possibly see her Tuesday at our Church function, maybe invite her to go with me and grab coffee or something before? I'm so excited, but will restrain myself so I don't freak her out. Thanks for the advice Fishtaco. It worked really well. Towards the end of class, I was sweating it. When class ended, she stayed in the classroom and I was outside talking to my buddy who I normally sit next to (he did recon to see if she had a BF because he felt he should...). Anyways, I followed her and the normal guy-pal out again and when we hit the bottom of the stairs they parted ways and I asked her then. Worked really well, wasn't too awkward I hope, but it worked and I got what I wanted. I asked her to dinner tomorrow, but she's got some school thing going and Friday I work and she's going home for the weekend, so no lacrosse. It'll be dinner and bowling next week. I feel that will be a good one as I'm kinda good at bowling but not too good to make her feel bad. I asked her what she wanted to do after class as far as going out goes, so she'll take the bus with me to where I park my car. That to me is a good sign. Am I right? WOOHOO! Just too excited. But like you said, one step after the other. Don't want to get too far ahead of myself. Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.
fishtaco Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I assume she said yes to dinner and bowling next week? Yes that's a good sign. Hmm, tough call. I've been out of school so long I don't remember what it's like to be doing all that in school. For me, I try really hard not to date within my circle. So I normally only go after complete strangers. I usually set a date, and I will not contact them before the date. First date that is. Once we become closer we'll talk more often obviously. So I'm not sure what I would do in your situation where you'll see her before the date. Maybe sit by her and chit chat a bit, but make sure your attention is where it should be - the class. Don't ignore her, but don't give her too much attention. Then maybe invite her out to grab coffee. That's when you can give her your attention. But keep it casual. Just hang. Be playful, make her laugh, do some flirting. Dinner and bowling is a good idea. Better than make her watch your lacrosse game. Totally destroying her at bowling is never a good idea. Depending on how she is, maybe you can let her win. But some women will get mad at that. Ideally you would try to beat her, but she wins barely, thus keeping the competition going and exciting till the end. Once she's into you, THEN you take her to the lacrosse game. She would want to see you in action then. Anyway, this is just my perspective. I would be wrong. Take everything with a grain of salt.
Author Viking Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 I assume she said yes to dinner and bowling next week? Yes that's a good sign. Hmm, tough call. I've been out of school so long I don't remember what it's like to be doing all that in school. For me, I try really hard not to date within my circle. So I normally only go after complete strangers. I usually set a date, and I will not contact them before the date. First date that is. Once we become closer we'll talk more often obviously. So I'm not sure what I would do in your situation where you'll see her before the date. Maybe sit by her and chit chat a bit, but make sure your attention is where it should be - the class. Don't ignore her, but don't give her too much attention. Then maybe invite her out to grab coffee. That's when you can give her your attention. But keep it casual. Just hang. Be playful, make her laugh, do some flirting. Dinner and bowling is a good idea. Better than make her watch your lacrosse game. Totally destroying her at bowling is never a good idea. Depending on how she is, maybe you can let her win. But some women will get mad at that. Ideally you would try to beat her, but she wins barely, thus keeping the competition going and exciting till the end. Once she's into you, THEN you take her to the lacrosse game. She would want to see you in action then. Anyway, this is just my perspective. I would be wrong. Take everything with a grain of salt. I asked her to dinner, but not bowling. I've read that having something else as kind of a surprise is a good thing. So, she doesn't know about bowling. She assured me that despite her being busy that she wanted to go out. "I'd love to go." is what she said. I will call her on Saturday to let her know how my game went, and maybe suggest coffee before class on Monday, if she has time before class. She's not within my "circle" and is just a classmate at this point, hoping for her to become more. Maybe coffee before church on Tuesday would be better? That starts at 9PM, so coffee might be a little late? It's been over three years since I had a first date with someone I was truly interested in. Funnily enough, I asked her out in practically the same spot I asked my last GF out in. Funny coincidence. I didn't plan that, just happened to be the same building three years later... I told her that I'd see her Monday as we were parting ways last night. I want to pace myself, so as to not get too far ahead and burn each other out. I tend to over think things when I'm nervous, as I'm sure you can tell. Just really happy she said "Yes".
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