collegekid491 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I have a girl that I'm pretty much best friends with and have been for several years. In that time I hadn't dated at all, and in fact asked her out only to get turned down. Despite all that, we get along great and kinda just let it go because a good friend is valuable as well and I was able to be there for her and all. Well I started seeing a girl, we have been officially dating for 3 weeks (facebook official for like 1, lol, depressed to say that but ties into the story, i promise! lol). Then she, knowing full well my dating situation, says that she wants me. Now, the thing is she lives in my home town and would prefer to not have a long distance thing(saying shes moving here in a few months), she has been single for a year so not rebounding, and has a special event in the coming months. Considering she knew a week and right away told me this also makes me think maybe its genuine and that i wasn't picking up the queues (equal chance that she panic'ed about potentially losing some of my time). I confronted her on it, and like most conversations it strayed off topic and I walked away with zero information other then feeling the ball is in my court and that she wants more. Is it just a matter of bad timing and am I looking to far into this?
Viking Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 She's jealous. You're obviously over her as far as romantic encounters go. She thought that she still had you, and that you'd be hers at any time...well, wake up call. You moved on and she feels as though she might lose a possession. Ask her why she really feels that way. Don't break up with the girl you're currently seeing. She doesn't deserve that just because someone was on the fence for a looooooong time or feels that you're a belonging.
JoL Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 She wants what she can't have. Believe me, someone is soooo much more interesting/enticing when they are no longer available and interested in you. This girl now wants you because you don't want her. Get it? It's messed up. Once she has you, she won't want you anymore- believe me. This girl is a game player and is going to mess with your mind if you let her. I would suggest you tell her no thanks, you are perfectly happy with your new girlfriend and that she had her chance. If she really did like you and want you- she wouldn't have rejected you before.
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 She wants what she can't have. Believe me, someone is soooo much more interesting/enticing when they are no longer available and interested in you. This girl now wants you because you don't want her. Get it? It's messed up. Once she has you, she won't want you anymore- believe me. This girl is a game player and is going to mess with your mind if you let her. I would suggest you tell her no thanks, you are perfectly happy with your new girlfriend and that she had her chance. If she really did like you and want you- she wouldn't have rejected you before. Absolutely true.
beautiful_stranger Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 sometimes people only realize what's important to them when they are on the verge of losing them. I was in the same situation as her, and i say maybe seek out what her feelings are coming from.. unless you are totally in love with your new gf, then you shouldnt confuse yourself.
Mahatma Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I have had this happen countless times. Suddenly they want you when someone else takes you. This is such an easy answer, everyone is getting it. I would never try her. She will get you, will win, and lose interest. Her interest in you is based on another girl's interest in you. Once she has you, it wont be there and she'll grow bored UNLESS you play games, which I wont get into because they are just pointless. If you want a real relationship, keep her as your friend and keep dating this girl.
Davey McG Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Run! Don't respond to her or she'll screw up your current relationship and THEN dump you.
carhill Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Your reward for being your friend's emotional tampon is meeting a girl who does want to date you Stay off of Facebook for romantic/dating stuff if you wish to preserve your sanity. Press flesh and speak and listen instead Your female friend should be happy for you that you met someone. If she isn't, she's not a friend, trust me.
fishtaco Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 You just inadvertently stumbled on a useful tool. Keep this in your library for future uses. This is how women are. Sometimes they'll become interested in you only after you lose interest in them and move on to someone else. I don't know why, I don't care to know why, I just know this is how it is. What you did right: - Staying friends. - You really DID go after girl #2. You can't just pick someone you're not interested in just to show girl #1. Women are psychic, you have to do it for real. You can't pull this off unless girl #1 is really dumb. What you didn't do right: - Waited until you're officially dating #2 to let #1 know about it. You're supposed to let #1 find out before you're exclusive, so you could still multi-date both. And no, it wasn't because you didn't pickup the cues, she flip-flopped. But in this case you're stuck. You are already officially going out with #2. Behaving like this is common for women. I would say girl #1 would NOT be a bad choice simply because she does this flip-flop thing. I would just consider her common. However, she showed her true colors when knowing you're already in a committed relationship, she approached you and tried to break you up so she could have you. Bad sign.
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 NO it's not a matter of bad timing it's a matter of your "friend" being the typical grass is greener type. If you leave your current girl to go back to that twisted loser she will dump your azz faster than you can say "want to go out next week again?" Let her be jealous, she had her chance she is not interested in YOU she is interested in how you make her feel when you become a challenge, so you might as well be a cardboard cut out of a guy for all she cares.
Author collegekid491 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Yes, I admit in hindsight this is exactly what I was thinking. The thing is... the fact she is my friend counts for nothing? Thats the thing, I have trouble thinking she's capable (although I probably shouldn't) of it because she's been a stake holder in my life for such a long time. And the gap from when I asked her out and now was over 6 months ago... and she's severely closed off so makes me believe she was to damaged to date before (although again, games are tricky). Thanks for the advice and people who took the time to respond. I understand enough to know that the whole reason that its looking so good is a bunch of doubts i havn't addressed with my current gf, so gonna do that and see if we can work it out. If not I obviously can't stay with her anyways... and if i give my friend a shot and your all right, maybe i won't have such a hard time believing it if it happens to me :s. P.S. Carhill, your right about the facebook thing 100%, contemplating deleting that gosh darn thing because i get in crap if i don't change the relationship status... get issues if i do :S
BCCA Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 she's capable Trust me, she is. Every woman out there is. They wont even do it intentionally, per say. Women are extremely jealous of one another, to the point that some of my female friends bad mouth eachother because one of them is taking up my time. She only wants to boost her ego by stealing you away from this other woman, proving her superiority. Then, you can bet everything you own she'll get bored and dump you, and worst of all - she wont even feel like shes done anything wrong. Your friend is not even an option anymore. You gave her a chance, she balked. Thats that.
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