kiory Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 hi, my wife of eight years has just left me two weeks ago stating she loves me but not in love with me and considers me her best friend still. about a year and half ago while drunk i forced her to have sex with me and every time we are drinking i always ask and she says no even though she has teased me all day and night. when she says no i always do the you dont love me bull**** and roll over and go to sleep. at counseling she stated this to be a big problem as well as arguements about the kids and money. in the last 4 months my wife (33) has be friended an exchange student (17) and spent all her time with her. my wife said at counseling that she missed out on being 17-18 because she was pregnant with her first child and didnt want to have the responsabilities of a wife/mum. when she left she went for a couple of nights then for the next few nights would say im coming home then later in the day say no shes not as nothing is sorted and she cant change how she feels. to add to all of this when she was 7-14 she was abused by her brother. after the night i forced her to have sex she said she has some flashbacks. she had counseling as a child but has only just started as an adult(since she left me.) also in the last year i have started work as a prison guard which she says i have started treated the family like prisoners, by being presice about everything,and being bossy. i have also stopped seeing my friends,playing with kids and always saying no to kids, in the last two years and just sit on the computer or watch tv. three days ago she stated the marriage was over has taken her rings off. while i have made changes to how i act especially listening to the kids and playing with them and catching up with friends as i know i need to for me, how can i win my wife backbefore she moved out i asked her about why she was acting like an 18 year old and she said she isnt acting, this is who she is and if everyone doesnt like it they can get fu..ed i have talked to her sisters who are just as confused as me about her behaviour and said they have never seen this side of her and she has alienated them.
SYL Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I am sorry to say this but, no, you don't have any hope in getting her back. As an adult with sexual abuse in her family history and then being forced into having sex by her husband? another trusted individual? No. That level of trust that is so difficult to achieve for a survivor of sexual abuse is gone. Gone! You are right. This has set her back. Of course! I am glad to know that she is seeking counseling for it though. I sincerely wish her all the best. As for YOU... What possessed you to treat your wife like that?? I am amused that you chose 'forced her to have sex' instead of calling it for what it really is -- rape. Being drunk is not an excuse, by the way... When a person is under the influence, their true nature is revealed because they don't have their normal capacities of self control to maintain their level of accepted behaviour. You need counseling yourself to rectify your problem. Rape is an act of anger, hate, and rage -- and it's against the law. Rape is NOT love, no matter who you are with. If that is what alcohol consumption revealed in you, you have some work ahead of you!! You may not be a 'bad' person overall. Your act, however, is despicable.
Author kiory Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 i should add that she liked me to dominate her in bed and that she wanted me sometimes to treat her like a slut
diskey23 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 id probably be happy im not in jail & can still spend time with my kids.
SYL Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 i should add that she liked me to dominate her in bed and that she wanted me sometimes to treat her like a slut You can try to justify it with as many excuses as you want. Bottom line, there is a clear distinction between rough sex or role playing and... RAPE.
phxalfie Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 i should add that she liked me to dominate her in bed and that she wanted me sometimes to treat her like a slut 1. The Bedroom is not how you should treat people in real life. Often Men & Women like to role play because it's fun and exciting. This is not reality! 2. Stop drinking! You will be surprised how much it can affect your judgment during and even days after. 3. Learn how to treat women. A REAL MAN doesn't need to prove anything. The confidence comes from within not from outside actions. Best of Luck. Send me a PM if you need help to get started on your new life.
SYL Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 1. The Bedroom is not how you should treat people in real life. Often Men & Women like to role play because it's fun and exciting. This is not reality! 2. Stop drinking! You will be surprised how much it can affect your judgment during and even days after. 3. Learn how to treat women. A REAL MAN doesn't need to prove anything. The confidence comes from within not from outside actions. Best of Luck. Send me a PM if you need help to get started on your new life. I can appreciate what it is that you do and promote, Phxalfie. However, I am sincerely skeptical about your $39 kit when the OP is dealing with deep emotional trauma that he reactivated by serious and disturbing actions. Your kit might work for generic couple break-ups, I have no doubt that in some cases your taught methods do, but I strongly advise against involving your 'recipe' in this case to get her back. I hope that OP will take the appropriate steps to reach resolve and acceptance within himself to better his outlook on his environment and how his actions impact those around him. I feel, however, that his wife has a painful path ahead of her that she respectfully needs to take on her own -- with full support and understanding by OP.
Author kiory Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 im not trying to make excuses i have taken full responsibilitiy for my actions and have also stopped drinking for three months. my wife has started to talk to me civily over the past three days and even had a coffee with me yesterday. while i am not getting my hopes up at least this is a start.
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