rach1122 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 For the most part I think I can trust my bf. Though a few months ago I went through his phone because I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't right and I found an out going text to another girl that said "hey baby". I'm sorry but the only girl he should be calling baby is me! I asked him about it and he said that his guy friend was using his phone and sent that text. So I let it go. Then right around Christmas I found another out going text that was real flirty with another girl. So I asked him about it again and he gave me the same story, that his guy friend was using his phone. My bf is very attractive and he is younger than me. I've never been a very jealous person before, but since I've been with him I have. Was it wrong of me to be going through his phone? Should I be worried that this texting could lead to him cheating? Or am I just over reacting?
AlektraClementine Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 You shouldn't have to go through his phone to determine whether or not he's trustworthy. That said, yes it was wrong of you. No, you cannot trust him. He told you a lie. You know that right?
norajane Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 How often do you let anyone use your phone to text other people? Most people have no idea what other people's phone numbers are unless they look them up in their own phone. So his friends would have no way of texting anyone unless he already had that girls' number in there. Or they'd have to look it up in their own phone first, and if they were doing that, why not use their own phone to text? And if they had just met some girl and she provided her number, why would your bf have those numbers in his phone and not the friend? He lied. You know it. It's up to you whether you want to admit it or not, but no, he's not trustworthy.
Author rach1122 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 I know now that he lied to me. It really hurts though. I don't really know what to do. It bothers me almost everyday now. I'm always worried that some other girl is going to flirt with him when I'm not around and then something will happen. I love him alot. I keep telling myself to let the whole text thing go and if anything else suspicious comes up then I should be worried. Any advice would be great. Oh and now that he knows I went through his phone, he has it set so that all of his out going texts are automatically deleted!!!???
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Yes, call the number and ask her if she knows his name, then tell her that you're his g/f. After you get all the angry information from her, dump his arse.
Author rach1122 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 I thought about calling the number at that time, but I didn't. I just tried to let it go. But now I just worry about everything. I just wonder if this worry will ever go away. I asked his friend if he ever uses his phone and he told me that he does when his phone is low on minutes. But my bf could have told the friend to tell me that if I were to ask about it.
Enema Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I just wonder if this worry will ever go away. ....call the number
norajane Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I asked his friend if he ever uses his phone and he told me that he does when his phone is low on minutes. Texting doesn't use minutes. It's a separate charge and has nothing to do with minutes.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 guys full of ****, and a dumbass too for saying his buddy did it. Dump him and go out with a real man
JoL Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Liar, liar pants on fire....but..you already knew that and you are hoping we will tell you otherwise, right? Look, he is lying to you. All of the above posters have said everything worth saying already.....get to the bottom of it and then kick his worthless arse to the curb. You deserve better.
MichelleS1983 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Where there's smoke, there's fire. Your boyfriend is a lying little sneak - deep down, you know it, too. More than likely, he's already cheated many times. If he's chatting up girls on his phone - and has now set it to auto-delete text messages - you'd be a fool to believe he's just doing some harmless flirting here and there. Some people need that 'smoking gun' before they'll finally face the fact that their spouse is a lying sneaky cheater. You've already seen CLEAR evidence of his sneaky activities, and know he protects his sleazy little ass by auto-deleting his messages to his other women - and you're still hanging in there, hoping it means nothing. You sound like the type who needs a smoking gun before she'll finally believe what is already painfully obvious to others. Maybe you need to catch him in bed with one of his little girlfriends before you'll believe the worst. From back here where I'm standing, the writing is on the wall and you're headed for lots of heartache.
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 The reason you feel so awful is you already KNOW he is up to no good. He lied about the text - he DID call another girl "baby" - and who knows what else. But you know now. And you know you should end it. So if you fail to protect yourself (by cutting this guy loose) then I am sorry to say but you will get just what you are expecting to get: more hurt and more betrayal. Before this relationship screws with your head any more and causes you years of therapy or the inability to connect with another man because of immense fear - leave this loser. BTW - how can you love someone that looks right into your eyes and lies to you?
Author rach1122 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm taking all of your advice into great consideration.
Nagini Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 he totally lied no one under the age of 60 knows anyone's phone numbers anymore... theyre all programed total bs
norajane Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm taking all of your advice into great consideration. What does that mean? Do you still doubt that your bf is a big liar? Or do you know he's a big liar, but you're still thinking if you should stay with him?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 For the most part I think I can trust my bf. Though a few months ago I went through his phone because I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't right and I found an out going text to another girl that said "hey baby". I'm sorry but the only girl he should be calling baby is me! I agree. Highly disrespectful to you, and inappropriate for him to be calling another "girl" baby. I'd say something is going on, at the very least emotionally. I asked him about it and he said that his guy friend was using his phone and sent that text. Ya......bulls##t. There won't ever be a time when I want to use another guy's phone to text someone I'm interested in. How stupid is that? So I let it go. Then right around Christmas I found another out going text that was real flirty with another girl. So I asked him about it again and he gave me the same story, that his guy friend was using his phone. My bf is very attractive and he is younger than me. I've never been a very jealous person before, but since I've been with him I have. Was it wrong of me to be going through his phone? Apparantly not since you found incriminating evidence. He obviously gave you a reason to check up on him. How are people ever going to find out they are being lied to and played if they don't do some investigating? I don't check my gf's phone because she hasn't given me any reason to not trust her. But if the day comes, you better believe I'll be checking. Should I be worried that this texting could lead to him cheating? I'd be worried that this texting is evidence that he might have ALREADY cheated. And as far as I'm concerned, he IS cheating, whether he has stuck his little vienna sausage in another girl or not. Or am I just over reacting? Not at all. You think he'd be ok with you texting another guy and saying something like, "how you doing today gorgeous??"
Author rach1122 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Well I only found 2 text messages like this and these were back before Christmas. I confronted him, he told me his side and then I just let it go. I haven't had any problems since then. So I guess what I'm wondering is since I let it go at the time, is it wrong of me to bring it back up again? He thinks I have let it go and that I have believed him. Should I just wait until I catch him in another lie or what? I really appreciate everyone's advice.
bearhugs Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 heres the deal....its morally wrong to go through someones phone, but if you are invested in a relationship than you need to know if its worth it. and its ugly but effective to snoop.......and if you find something the bigger wrong is on him! Im tired of unfaithful untrustworthy people pushing blame on the curious. hes up to no good, im a 29 year old male and im telling you hes into something bad! Either nip it here or leave him. people with something to hide are always the biggest hater of snoops......it never fails. They say why dont you trust me........humans rarley can be trusted, its sad. I was unfaithful many times and would put girl numbers under guy names and remember numbers and turn my phone off at night...now im madly in love I leave my phone out and even would let her look through it if she wanted too.....id never hurt her and im going to make that clear to her. Im tired of people hiding behind the " what, You cant trust me?" line....its getting old.
Author rach1122 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Also, call me crazy but I really do want this to work out. I think I can get him to admit that he was lying. If that is the case, do you guys think it can work. Please don't be biased and consider the fact that we've been together for over a year. I do love him. I loved him before the situation and after the situation. Everyone lies. Should I give him a second chance?
Trialbyfire Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Also, call me crazy but I really do want this to work out. I think I can get him to admit that he was lying. If that is the case, do you guys think it can work. Please don't be biased and consider the fact that we've been together for over a year. I do love him. I loved him before the situation and after the situation. Everyone lies. Should I give him a second chance? I'm going to ask you this question first. Is there a difference between these lies: "No honey, you don't look fat in those skintight white pants. (even though your hips measure 52 inches across)" and "No honey, I didn't cheat. (even though I did)" If you see no difference, then I think you have your answer.
norajane Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Well I only found 2 text messages like this and these were back before Christmas. we've been together for over a year So, the texts you found were from two months ago, well into your year long relationship. Don't think of it as he texted two months ago and stopped. Consider that he started texting other women two months ago, after dating you for a year, and the only reason you haven't found more texts is that he probably deletes them since now he knows you look into his phone. Please don't be biased and consider the fact that we've been together for over a year. That you have been together for a year is why you should be livid! If he were texting others when you first started dating, before you were really an established couple, that's more understandable. But you are an established couple now after a year and now he starts flirting with women behind your back? That sounds like a guy who has one eye out for your replacement. I do love him. I loved him before the situation and after the situation. So what? Do you know how many people who love their partner have been cheated on? Dumped? Your love will not make him faithful or honest. Clearly. Your love just makes it easier for him to pull the wool over your eyes, because you want to stay with him and you want to believe he's not doing anything wrong, despite the evidence. Should I give him a second chance? You already gave him a second chance. After the first text, you gave him a second chance. He blew it by contacting another girl. This would be his THIRD chance you'd be giving him. And NO, you shouldn't give him a third chance, unless you want to find another text - or worse - next week, next month, whenever.
amymarieca Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Also, call me crazy but I really do want this to work out. I think I can get him to admit that he was lying. If that is the case, do you guys think it can work. Please don't be biased and consider the fact that we've been together for over a year. I do love him. I loved him before the situation and after the situation. Everyone lies. Should I give him a second chance? Who cares if you have been together over a year? I was with a guy for eight years and he cheated on me with my best friend (who was a guy by the way). I dumped his sorry ass. That is completely unforgivable. I'm just amazed that this guy has been able to string you along for that amount of time. I admit to having cheated on someone in my past for several different reasons. I immediately broke up with him the next day because I can't be in a relationship and pretend everything is okay. That is not to say what I did was right, but at least I didn't toy with the person's mind and live a lie every day. This guy is lying to you every day. Can you really accept this? Everyone lies, yes. It is okay to tell white lies every now and then so you don't hurt peoples' feelings. For example, telling someone you love their new outfit when you secretly think it looks terrible. That is totally different than lying about sleeping with someone else. Come on! I think you are in a huge amount of denial. You are afraid to leave him so you just want to accept his a$$oholic ways. Plus, if I was texting someone from another phone, don't you think it would make sense for me to say "this is actually Amy by the way in case you were wondering about the strange number." I wouldn't just text something that flirty from someone else's phone without informing them that I was actually using a different phone. Clearly this guy lied, and you need to face the facts. There is no excuse for cheating....ever.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Oh and now that he knows I went through his phone, he has it set so that all of his out going texts are automatically deleted!!!??? Yep that screams trustworthiness doesn't it? I'm sorry but hes just using you until something better comes along and it sounds like hes working on it as we speak I know it hurts but leave him before it gets really ugly..
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