Pinkos Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Okay. So I have a friend that I'm very close to, we'll call him 'S.' A long time ago, while I was still with my ex, he told me he was interested in me. I acknowledged his feelings and it kind of settled in the back of my head, where I forgot about it. Fast-forward several months later, and he's got a girlfriend who really knows how to throw a dramarama. Despite all his relationship baggage and the fact that he already has a girlfriend, he won't keep his nose out of the goings on in my love life - even though I've explicitly asked him to. The first real annoyance was a few weeks back when he asked incessantly about a few of the guys in the group of friends that I hang out with a lot. He had done it before... but never like that. I usually just ignored it. After I told him that I was absolutely, positively, completely sure that I wasn't interested in any of them like that, he left it alone. However... Now I'm currently dating another friend, 'Z,' who asked me to be his Valentine last week during a voice conference between the three of us and a few other friends. I said yes, everyone aaawed, congratulated Z, etc... Except S. He started cracking off-the-wall jokes about us, then went all doom and gloom for the rest of the night. Since then, S has been acting a bit off, and every time someone brings up Z and me, he starts brooding about it. Now it's only been two days after the 14th, and he's already acting like he's completely lost his mind. Today, after a barrage of bizarre questions about how I felt about Z, he told me he was keeping tabs on my relationship with him(?!). When I gave him a neutral response, he flipped out and started bitching and saying things about Z that were totally out of line. S even went so far as to call my judgment into question, saying that Z is just trying to impose himself on me, that Z brags too much, that Z was just acting like a knight in shining armor to impress me, and that I should just leave Z alone. I really have no clue was S is going on about. Sure, Z talks a lot, but he knows better than to try that impress-a-chick cocky crap with me. (In fact, it's not even like he implied that he was so awesome that I'd just happily leap into his arms for some V-Day nookie, he awkwardly blurted it out after we all started asking him what the heck he was mumbling for.) On top of this, S has started acting like a bitter immature child, saying things like "I can - insert something Z does well - too, you know." He's getting on my last nerve, and I'm so torn on what to do. Part of me wants to snap at S, throttle the daylights out of him and tell him to leave me, Z, and the relationship that has nothing to do with him the **** alone. Another part is telling me to just talk to him and wait to see if it passes so I don't lose a friend. All the drama is starting to drive me nuts. :/
Ronni_W Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Another part is telling me to just talk to him and wait to see if it passes so I don't lose a friend. S is NOT acting like a friend, and he's NOT treating you as if you are his friend. He is draining, exhausting and depleting you. And now he has you doing drama-rama, too! (Read your post, again...cringe at the drama-rama...S is facilitating your feelings that are leading to this.) It's a friendship that is no longer serving you. There's nothing positive and uplifting to lose, here. If you want to try to salvage it, let him know that he needs to smarten up yesterday, or you will take steps to ensure that you only surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Things do not magically improve if we ignore them -- wishing/waiting for a miracle to "fix" it likely is not the most effective strategy. Be assertive -- speak out, clearly and kindly, about your wants, needs, preferences, dislikes and desire to be with Z.
andwhoknew Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 He's getting on my last nerve, and I'm so torn on what to do. Part of me wants to snap at S, throttle the daylights out of him and tell him to leave me, Z, and the relationship that has nothing to do with him the **** alone. Another part is telling me to just talk to him and wait to see if it passes so I don't lose a friend. S - "Let me share my opinion of Z with you." You - "S, I don't need relationship advice, thank you." S - "But I can do XYZ better than Z!" You - "S, I don't need relationship advice." S - "<drama> But Z isn't a nice guy! <drama>" You - "S, I SAID, I don't need relationship advice. If you continue to give it, this conversation will be over." S - "But Z is bad for you! <Drama drama drama!>" You - "S, we're done having this conversation. Goodbye." There. No drama, no yelling, no throttling. He behaves, or you remove yourself from his presence.
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