Ty Wanabu Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 My MW and I have been together on and off for one year. During that time she has broken-up with me and gone back to her H 4 times(thats right, 4 times). Each time he takes her back fairly easy. He makes her change her cell phone number, the wedding rings go back within a week or so and I'm out in the cold. The reasons for the break-ups are mild at best. Things mature adults would normally talk or argue there way through I get broken -up for. And its ALWAYS her who breaks-up with me. ALWAYS!! Now, this being the fifth time we have gotten back together(I know I'm crazy, just shoot me now), I am VERY insecure about the H. Never was before, but I am now! Too many things to get into, just overall insecurity ONLY about the H. Just to set my mind at ease, does anyone think I'm crazy for feeling this way? Is it normal and/or common for there to be jealousy and insecurity of the H or soon to be xH? Thank You Ty
crazy love Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 i think that is completely normal..with her running back to him all those times, I would be more than a little jealous if that had happened to me. It's immature for her to react that way whenever you have a conflict. Have you told her how this is affecting you?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 She wants you, but needs him. I can understand why you are jealous. You are just an option for her, no more, no less. Until she divorces (if she ever does), you will simply have to either accept it, or move on. You may want to understand that there is a very good chance she won't end up with you. If she does not need you now, its doubtful she ever really will. She will either end the relationship, or replace her husband with someone else and leave you as an option in case she feels like cheating on him too. That's no prize you have there. You just don't see that yet.
Author Ty Wanabu Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Yes I have told her how it affects me. She has basically told me to just "get over it". She says I really have no reason to feel this way because he knows about me. Yes that's right! The H knows about our R and has since almost the very beginning. Which adds to my insecurity because he has taken her back everytime and I believe will continue to take her back until she no longer wants to go back to him.
Meaplus3 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Of course it only makes sense to be jealous of the man who she sleeps next to evey night. Because I'm sure you would like to be in his place.I have to ask you here. If she keeps going back to him, then why are you wasting your time on her? How much more of this are you willing to take? Mea:)
norajane Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 This woman has extremely poor conflict resolution skills and an extradorinary sense of self-entitlement and selfishness. And why wouldn't she think her sh*t doesn't stink? She has two pussy-whipped men who lap it up every time she decides she wants one or the other. If you end up with her, which you won't, you'll end up with a princess whose ass you have to kiss forever - or until she finds herself another sugar daddy to worship her.
bentnotbroken Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 It appears you and her H have the self esteem of ugly snails(redundant, I know). You and she wouldn't know what maturity was if it bit you on the....ahhh....nose. Mature people don't lie, and treat others with disrespect and disdain. Mature people handle their issues in adult ways, not by hiding the sausage with someone you aren't married to.
Author Ty Wanabu Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 This woman has extremely poor conflict resolution skills and an extradorinary sense of self-entitlement and selfishness. And why wouldn't she think her sh*t doesn't stink? She has two pussy-whipped men who lap it up every time she decides she wants one or the other. If you end up with her, which you won't, you'll end up with a princess whose ass you have to kiss forever - or until she finds herself another sugar daddy to worship her. The truth hurts. But I do agree with you on all points. Sometimes I wonder, who's worse, me or him? I think the answer is we're both pathetic, me more so. At least he has the excuse of trying to keep his family together. What's mine?
samprez Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Look, here's the deal. I'm now in my 4th or 5th break since August of 2008. And the reality is that I (and you) have to be strong enough and smart enough to make it permanent. My MW doesn't love her H anymore, but has enough of a relationship and lifestyle that she's unwilling to leave him. They also have a child with issues (as do I which contributed to our relationship starting). I have been on such a yo yo that my emotions are totally frayed. I'm sure you're the same way. It's just now worth it. Ultimately I am finally making the decision to break away myself. I am not jealous of the H. He's got to deal with her everyday; not me. Ultimately, I'm totally responsible for my own actions and up until now I've not been good at owning my role in this relationship. You and I have both been involved with a MW that is demonstrating her inability to conduct her married life by being in an affair to begin with; then she is moving back and forth between you and her H. When does it end? It doesn't. I don't know about you but enough wasted hours and days dealing with this and too much emotional stress for everyone involved. Not jealous of the H, he's got his hands full in my situation and as a buddy of mine said, be glad you're getting thrown clear of the explosion.
Author Ty Wanabu Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Look, here's the deal. I'm now in my 4th or 5th break since August of 2008. And the reality is that I (and you) have to be strong enough and smart enough to make it permanent. My MW doesn't love her H anymore, but has enough of a relationship and lifestyle that she's unwilling to leave him. They also have a child with issues (as do I which contributed to our relationship starting). I have been on such a yo yo that my emotions are totally frayed. I'm sure you're the same way. It's just now worth it. Ultimately I am finally making the decision to break away myself. I am not jealous of the H. He's got to deal with her everyday; not me. Ultimately, I'm totally responsible for my own actions and up until now I've not been good at owning my role in this relationship. You and I have both been involved with a MW that is demonstrating her inability to conduct her married life by being in an affair to begin with; then she is moving back and forth between you and her H. When does it end? It doesn't. I don't know about you but enough wasted hours and days dealing with this and too much emotional stress for everyone involved. Not jealous of the H, he's got his hands full in my situation and as a buddy of mine said, be glad you're getting thrown clear of the explosion. Excellent post!!! I have often thought of her H the very same way.
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Sometimes I wonder, who's worse, me or him? I think your constant comparing yourself to him (and perhaps vice versa) is part of what keeps you both addicted to this bizarre competition. There are no winners in this silly game, only losers. I think the better man is the one with enough self-esteem to believe he deserves better than some half-hearted booby prize... and finds the courage to put an end to his own torment. I think as an individual, you’re worth far more than she values either one of you guys put together. But until you’re at a place where you finally believe that for yourself, it will be difficult for anyone to convince you otherwise.
JamesM Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Sometimes I wonder, who's worse, me or him? I think the answer is we're both pathetic, me more so. At least he has the excuse of trying to keep his family together. What's mine? 1. You. His at least is an honorable excuse...albeit pathetic. 2. Great Sex.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Difference is, HE is her husband, you're not. He has obligations to her and you don't. You can choose to walk away anytime you want, you don't owe her anything.
Author Ty Wanabu Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Yeah! But I am crazy for feeling jealous and insecure in this situation?
JamesM Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Yeah! But I am crazy for feeling jealous and insecure in this situation? No, because in reality, you have no security in the relationship and you are second fiddle to her husband. This will never change until...or rather IF..she leaves her husband.
Elubat Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I joined this community simply to respond to your post. Perhaps I'm old fashioned or something akin. What right do you have imposing yourself on a relationship that obviously didn't fly by night as you do? You are scum. Perish. Who cares what you feel. The H by my book would have found you and dissected you by now. **** should simply be flushed if not cuz of the smell, but for civilization sake.
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