SophieA Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Hi all Glad I found this site. My boyfriend of 5 years is going to be 1st year medical student soon. I was wondering if anyone else has been down this road...if they can tell me what to expect...advice/suggestions/tips on making a relationship work w/ a crazy busy med student would be much appreciated.
sand26 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Same as any other relationship. Because he will be gone a lot just make sure you are busy working on your life too. I think these kind of relationships are actually the easiest to maintain because both people are fulfilled by their individual lives and can seek solace and joy in each other. If you are both growing and learning your self esteems will be strong and trust should be more natural. It's going to be a good thing. Good luck. the mfk
movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 "Part of the dream of becoming a doctor includes dumping whoever you're currently with for someone better ":) (Seinfield) Seriously though: you are on the right track --> if you understand that during this time you will not be a priority in his life and support him instead of giving him hard time, you will be fine. I have been "down this road" and the stress can (and will) really strain a relationship. I don't think my ex understood that the way my behavior changed was a function of stress rather than of any change in my feelings towards her, and it quickly became a viscious circle after that. Keep things in perspective
Sunshine11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Ditto what sand26 said. Also, some other thoughts: 1) Keep yourself busy. Get a job, join some clubs, take up a hobby, or a sport, become a gourmet chef, or take some classes at the local college or university. Actually, if both of you have things to work on in the early evenings, or if you're working some evenings, it gives him time to study, and not feel like he's torn between needing to study, and wanting to spend time with you. (And believe me, he'd MUCH rather spend time with you.) 2) Keep talking. Communication becomes huge, because his needs, priorities, and limits are going to change and be challenged. So keep checking in. You don't need to have weekly meetings or anything, but make a mental note to check in once in a while, and just find out if there's anything you can do to make his life better, AND be sure you communicate your needs. Be prepared to make some sacrifices, namely to be more independent and get less attention, time and affection from him. But also be aware of your own needs and communicate that these are the things you can't live without. 3) Make time. He won't have any spare time to spend with you. He needs to make time. And yes, it is possible. At first, school will be really overwhelming, but after Christmas-ish he should at least be aware of his limits and capabilities, as well as the expectations on him. For your relationship to work, please make time for each other. He can agree to study from 1-7pm every day, and then you spend evenings together, or you can have Friday night date night, or he can take every Saturday off on non-test weekends, whatever. However you choose to do it is fine. Just be sure you do. Best of luck, and if you have any more questions, I'm a med student, dating a med student, and I'd be happy to reflect more. P.S. Student Doctor Network (http://www.studentdoctor.net) has threads about relationships. I don't know if there are any from significant others, but feel free to check it out. Your boyfriend might already be aware of the site; if not, it may have some great resources for him too, just about med school, residency, and medicine in general.
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