Author Trialbyfire Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Give of yourself, yes. Just don't base your value or self-worth on their acceptance or rejection of you. Sometimes the stuff just ain't personal. Exactly!!!!
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Give of yourself, yes. Just don't base your value or self-worth on their acceptance or rejection of you. Sometimes the stuff just ain't personal. This is what I was trying less articulately to say!!!
robaday Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 What happens if your feeling of self worth is really low? What happens if your self esteem is shot to pieces and you are severely depressed? and someone takes an interest in you? Is it unfair to enter something in these circumstances? After the relationship ends your self worth is even worse than prior to entering. How do you go about getting it back? I can do false confidence up to a point, and am attending therapy for my depression but fear entering another relationship until I am happy within myself, which from what I've read is a lifetime mission. How do you leave the baggage at the door? therapy's all good and well but only works up to a point
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 What happens if your feeling of self worth is really low? What happens if your self esteem is shot to pieces and you are severely depressed? and someone takes an interest in you? Is it unfair to enter something in these circumstances? After the relationship ends your self worth is even worse than prior to entering. How do you go about getting it back? I can do false confidence up to a point, and am attending therapy for my depression but fear entering another relationship until I am happy within myself, which from what I've read is a lifetime mission. How do you leave the baggage at the door? therapy's all good and well but only works up to a point Hi Robaday. I think it would be unfair on both of you to enter into a relationship under these circumstances. False confidence, as implied, only covers what's hiding under the surface, and it sounds like your low self esteem is not too far beneath the surface. Being with someone new may help your confidence for a time, but in the long run, if you don't have it while you're on your own, you won't be able to survive it with someone else. work on yourself for now. A lifetime mission certainly, we are always learning along the way, a process that never stops. but as the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. you need to help yourself and focus on you before you can focus on someone new.
Meaplus3 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I see it time and again, people coping from break up, where they've tied their self-esteem and self-respect into the other person. In essence, you've given over control of all your emotions, to someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. Why do this? I'd assume the ones that do have a lack of self-esteem and self-respect to begin with.. or else they would not have become so reliant on another for their personal happiness. If a person is strong and secure in their own right to begin with then this should not happen. Mea:)
jerbear Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I see it time and again, people coping from break up, where they've tied their self-esteem and self-respect into the other person. In essence, you've given over control of all your emotions, to someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. Why do this? Easier said than done, the hate, hormones, testosterone, caffine, etc.. all interact different. I've done it before where I would disregard other things and make irrational decisions. Like I said, sometimes it is easier said than done.
Author Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 The process has to start somewhere where the only person who can do anything about it, is you. So, do you justify why it's happening and remain in a trap of your own making, or do you put that energy towards detaching? This is why I'm saying to people, ask yourself why you would put your self-esteem and/or self-respect in the hands of someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind, post break up. Take it back.
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