dabears Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I will be meeeting with my ex for the first time in 2 months for dinner. When we were together, we had a great time...I kinda (i did) push her away, i think my expressing to many feelings toward her and talking about our relationship to much. My feeling toward her have not stopped, but I was thrown off guard when she accepted to meet. I did not text, call, or email a lot, while we are apart, but i did send a few texts here and there to see how she was doing, she would always respond. Then this last week, i sent a text..saying "when is dinner" it was more along the lines of a joke, but really i wanted to go to dinner, but also maybe more, I wanted to see what she would say. She accepted, and we are going next week. I would love to get back with her, but I am going into this dinner with expectations that are not toward "us" getting back together. This will be the only second time we have talked in person with each other since the break up..the other was at a community function, and she came up and talked with me for an hour or so. OK, this is where i am somewhat confused.. I am confused because I know I annoyed her to know end with the realtionship talks, i pushed her really far away..she was really upset with me, she sent me a pretty insensitive email and she wanted nothing to do with me..but for her to come and talk that one day, and now accepting a dinner invitation, makes me wonder. because if i turned the tables, and she annoyed me to know end, I would want nothing to do with her, and would not go to dinner with her. I am not going to bring up anything about our past realtionship at dinner, the biggest thing I am hoping out of this, is i can get another chance after this to go out again, movie, lunch or whatever. I have heard that she is going to be the one who needs to initiate the second meeting or date, and not me. Any advice..I really want to make things work here, and for her coming to dinner might be a sign she is to, but I am not going to expect that!
BCCA Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Here is a breakdown of what I see: 1. She became upset with your relationship talks probably because she was trying to pull the old 'I dont know what were doing' card, and you nixed that. If she was into you, she would have no problem with you professing your love and desire to continue to build a relationship. Since she wasnt, however, it became a guilt trip for her, and no one likes those, hence she was mad. Trust me, everyone likes to know what the other person is feeling. Being open is not a bad thing, it just comes with a price. If someone doesnt like what you feel, be prepared - theyre going to get real pissed at you real fast. 2. Do not hope for anything to come out of this dinner. Chances really are that it means nothing. I'm far from a total douche who likes to give out bad news, but Ive been in your shoes before, and I know how youre feeling about this. You want to beleive 'she wouldnt go out to dinner with me unless...' but you just never know. Some people really do have the idiotic idea stuck in their head that you can just be friends. And she could be going strictly out of guilt or boredom, it happens more than you think. 3. Dont settle for whatever scaps she tosses your way. You dated her before, its not that much to expect she can spend an evening eating with you. Its really a minimal effort on her part, all she has to do is show up. You'll probably pay for dinner, and she can feel like she tried to be a good person by even going. You shouldnt be so surprised that she is 'willing' to meet you for dinner, you should be asking yourself why youre so excited. 4. Not mentioning the relationship/etc is a double edged sword. Personally, I want to know now, and not later. I would never be afraid of the truth, youll get it soon enough. I would rather know what she felt about everything and why she agreed to go now. Otherwise, youre filling in the blanks for her, and youll never know, and it could mean wasting time and energy. I think this is part of a covert tactic to get your ex back without her realizing it, but that just doesnt work. 5. If she doesnt mention going out again, and even if she does, if there isnt some sort of clear time line, like 'lets chat next week and plan something for saturday', etc...then she litterally did what I said, and went out with you out of guilt/boredom. Additionally, if you mention going out again, and you get 'we'll see', same thing. I'll level with you, this doesnt sound encouraging. I know, because this happened to me, only difference is my ex asked ME over to her house so she could make me dinner. Sounds promising right? Well, guess what...she just wanted to be friends and to hear that I didnt hate her. I told her that was kind of misleading, and to leave me alone. Havent heard a word in months. To me, it sounds like youve been too available, and she knows she can have you at any time. Neither of those are attractive.
Recommended Posts