climbergirl Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I apologize for stereotyping, but I'm a bit paranoid about this. I vowed to never again date someone who drinks to excess. I'm not talking just ethnicity, however perhaps that applies too, but born and raised in Ireland. Don't know this guy too well, and I don't know if I'm looking for red flags. All the irishmen i've known have been heavy drinkers. I'm blowing this guy off before he even has a chance. I'm being paranoid, right? Is this a predisposition?
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I know four Irishmen. Three of them are teetotal. The last drinks socially, but his cousin (who was born, raised and lived in the UK all his life) is an alcoholic. Yes, you're stereotyping.
Author climbergirl Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Well, he just called me and told me that he spent the weekend with friends and they spent the weekend drinking. Perhaps it was only because he was visiting friends? He really is a cool guy. I guess my paranoid radar went up when he offered to buy me a Washington Apple drink at 1 in the afternoon.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well, he just called me and told me that he spent the weekend with friends and they spent the weekend drinking. Perhaps it was only because he was visiting friends? He really is a cool guy. I guess my paranoid radar went up when he offered to buy me a Washington Apple drink at 1 in the afternoon. While I don't think it has much to do with place of birth, I totally understand why your flags are going up. I myself have vouched to avoid heavy drinkers from now on and these two things up there would most likely make me lose some interests. What I understand from your ambivalence is that you are perhaps somewhat falling for this guy... Question: any specific pasts experiences that make you want to avoid heavy drinkers? (My experience was so bad that, like I said, I almost automatically lose interest.)
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well in that case, just take it casually. You have no way of knowing at this point, whether he drinks, sociually, or DRINKS socially.... Give it one week of dates. If the signals are just too loud and evident to ignore, you haven't gone the full hog and bought the gown and booked then church, at least!
bean1 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I don't know any men who go away with their friends for the weekend and DON'T drink. Also, I think you are being paranoid. My dad was an alcoholic and I was also very fearful of dating a drinker. I couldn't handle my first boyfriend's 2 or 3 beers on the weekend. You need to accept that people are different and just because someone has a drink doesn't automatically mean they have a problem with it. It's not easy.
wuggle Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I thought the Irish were known for thier charm, wit, friendliness and the fact that they are the most straight up\honest people who will do anything for anyone
Author climbergirl Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Thanks to all for your replies... Kamille-yes, I've had a bad experience both with myself succumbing and my ex doing the same. Spelled nothing but trouble. Relationships are hard enough without adding extra negative variables. I chose to be with someone on the same healthy wavelength-and admittedly-I haven't until recently. But I'm working on it. Geisha-he doesn't live in the same state. I do like him, but atm am afraid of getting involved with a similar situation in the past. He and his friends want me to come out and i'm fearful of going and making a paranoid situation exacerbated. I just got out of a terrible situation. Bean1-I agree. And perhaps this is more about me. Not perhaps, but is-I just want to be sure that I'm not throwing myself into a situation that makes me regress. Wuggle- I agree. that is what makes this more difficult. From what I've seen...he's very accepting and considerate.
Krytie TV Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Irishmen are only known for being Irish men. Anything else you place on them is of your own doing.
Author climbergirl Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Yes, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm hoping i'm paranoid given the signals.
sand26 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 You are all being really politically correct. True: Not all Irish men drink. But not all generalizations are false either. I spent half a year in Dublin and it seemed to me that drinking is a huge part of the culture, especially for men. All the friends I met there drank pretty heavily. This does not mean they are all piss the pants, fall down the stairs drunks. But I will say that I have never in my life seen so many well dressed businessmen (sometimes with briefcases), passed out drunk in the afternoon. Sometimes even laying on the sidewalk. The locals didn't even seem to notice and would laugh it off . So, I am agreeing that you certainly should not assume that this man lives up to the stereotype, but the stereotype IMHO does hold a bit of weight. Oh, I actually know an Irish guy, Ian, who moved to and still lives in Minneapolis. So if his name is Ian, he is definitely a drunk. He used to love double-fisting Guinness back in Dublin. the mfk
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Well, my last bf was Irish and he lived up to the sterotype. When I would visit his house, he would have empty beer bottles in the kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. His basement was filed from floor to ceiling with empty cases of beer. I asked why he kept them and he replied they would come in handy if he moved. Really I think he kept them as some sort of trophy, like a notch in his belt. His diet consisted of cashews and beer. His fridge was stocked on Friday night with 2 cases of Bud Select and was empty by Sunday morning. For breakfast he would have a half a cup of coffee with a half cup of Bailey's Irish Creme, only to be chased by another bottle of Bud. One the few occasions when he ate real food, it was usually a little sushi with a whole lot of saki. At a restaurant, if I left just a swallow of wine in my glass, he was sure to gulp in down before we departed, commenting "waste not want not". Amazingly he was never sloppy drunk, but did spank me once...really hard after he had a few too many...but that's another story.
IrishCarBomb Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I vowed to never again date someone who drinks to excess. Why not just hang out until you find out if he drinks to excess, and give him a fair shot? You said you don't want to date someone who drinks to excess, and that's cool. So, as a result, you should find out if someone drinks to excess, and then end things with that person once you realize that they are a drunk. However, once you shift the standard to "I can't go out with anyone that might even have a chance of being a drunk", you are just starting to be paranoid. Then again... I am Irish (but raised in the U.S.), so maybe all this was just the whiskey talking.
Author climbergirl Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 ICB...OMG! That was funny! I don't care if he gets drunk on occasion...I just don't want it to be the norm. So here's the deal...He lives in another state and has booked me a flight to see him. I mean, just DID IT! Gave me three options... Stay with him (no way) Stay at the guest house of some lawyer friends of his (whom I've met and talked to many times...wife is way cool, but don't know them well enough to stay with them) Book me a room at a hotel (which I'd pay for since I in no way want him to think this is 'his' room and have carte blanche to claim as available to him) But here you go...starting to trust my instincts; Get this text from- "But I gotta warn ya WE party" WTF is he meaning?? Him and me or is this to imply a swinging thing? His accent throws me on what he means. But, whatever, it isn't looking too good.
Author climbergirl Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Oops, sorry Sand and Pheonix, meant to respond. That's what I'm sayin'...what you've experienced is the same thing I have. Hard to dismiss. And I'll certainly stay away from drunk Ian from Mpls!
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 You are all being really politically correct. True: Not all Irish men drink. But not all generalizations are false either. I spent half a year in Dublin and it seemed to me that drinking is a huge part of the culture, especially for men. All the friends I met there drank pretty heavily. This does not mean they are all piss the pants, fall down the stairs drunks. But I will say that I have never in my life seen so many well dressed businessmen (sometimes with briefcases), passed out drunk in the afternoon. Sometimes even laying on the sidewalk. The locals didn't even seem to notice and would laugh it off . So, I am agreeing that you certainly should not assume that this man lives up to the stereotype, but the stereotype IMHO does hold a bit of weight. Oh, I actually know an Irish guy, Ian, who moved to and still lives in Minneapolis. So if his name is Ian, he is definitely a drunk. He used to love double-fisting Guinness back in Dublin. the mfk I'm Irish, born and bred. Lived in Dublin for four years. Never saw well dressed business men passed out in the streets mid afternoon. EVER. And locals would probably notice, but just walk by. None of their business type thing. Certainly wouldn't laugh it off. the only people I can see laughing that kind of thing off are scumbags who think this thing is ok, and live in certain parts of Dublin. Then again, I lived on the south side for those four years (wealthier side, where most of the business men would live.............never saw this behaviour of which you speak). What I saw were drunken students. BUt then students will be students. And again, never saw them passed out in the street. There's always one or two poor unfortunates at the end of the night who can't see straight, probably can't stand....................but certainly that is a minority! I think every bar probably has one of those people at the end of a big night. To be honest, I hate that Irish people are depicted in this way. I know that drinking is a large part of Irish social culture. I'm a girl, and yes, I could say that I drink a lot. At weekends. When I"m out for a night with my friends. Which is the typical Irish guy thing as well. out at the weekends, with friends. or maybe watching a game. But then, I'm coming from the side where I never drank till I was 18, which is an unusual thing for most Irish people. I would always have been one of the more sensible crowd. Irish people are known for drinking certainly. Partly because of the way we have been portrayed through mass media. How many soaps can you name where the one and only Irish character to come into a storyline has a secret alcohol problem? It's frankly, quite sad. We're not all drunks. I know of one or two Irish men personally who are alcoholics. I'm a health professional, so I have seen many treated for it too. But probably no more than anywhere else. Don't disregard this guy just because of a stereotype. I realise you're coming from a painful place with regard to this issue, but Irish people are also known for the "Cead Mile Failte" - a hundred thousand welcomes. We know how to have a good time! it doesn't mean we're all alcoholics!
sand26 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I'm Irish, born and bred. Lived in Dublin for four years. Never saw well dressed business men passed out in the streets mid afternoon. EVER. And locals would probably notice, but just walk by. None of their business type thing. Certainly wouldn't laugh it off. the only people I can see laughing that kind of thing off are scumbags who think this thing is ok, and live in certain parts of Dublin. Then again, I lived on the south side for those four years (wealthier side, where most of the business men would live.............never saw this behaviour of which you speak). What I saw were drunken students. BUt then students will be students. And again, never saw them passed out in the street. There's always one or two poor unfortunates at the end of the night who can't see straight, probably can't stand....................but certainly that is a minority! I think every bar probably has one of those people at the end of a big night. To be honest, I hate that Irish people are depicted in this way. I know that drinking is a large part of Irish social culture. I'm a girl, and yes, I could say that I drink a lot. At weekends. When I"m out for a night with my friends. Which is the typical Irish guy thing as well. out at the weekends, with friends. or maybe watching a game. But then, I'm coming from the side where I never drank till I was 18, which is an unusual thing for most Irish people. I would always have been one of the more sensible crowd. Irish people are known for drinking certainly. Partly because of the way we have been portrayed through mass media. How many soaps can you name where the one and only Irish character to come into a storyline has a secret alcohol problem? It's frankly, quite sad. We're not all drunks. I know of one or two Irish men personally who are alcoholics. I'm a health professional, so I have seen many treated for it too. But probably no more than anywhere else. Don't disregard this guy just because of a stereotype. I realise you're coming from a painful place with regard to this issue, but Irish people are also known for the "Cead Mile Failte" - a hundred thousand welcomes. We know how to have a good time! it doesn't mean we're all alcoholics! Denial isn't a river in Egypt.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Drinking is a huge part of irish culture for definite, but we are not a nation of alcoholics. I am jumping to our defense, because it simply isn't true.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Then again... I am Irish (but raised in the U.S.), so maybe all this was just the whiskey talking. That's funny...lol:bunny:
runner Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Drinking is a huge part of irish culture for definite, but we are not a nation of alcoholics. I am jumping to our defense, because it simply isn't true. i don't think its a fair stereotype either. i think its more fair to say that the irish just love their social hour (no different from the scots, english, scousers, etc), and there just so happens to be alcohol on premise. haveing spent a bit of time in eire, the only people i've noticed who couldn't handle their tolerance were the tourists or younger crowd. couldn't the same be said about anywhere ?
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I agree runner. And I think it's the same for many countries! I've travelled a bit, and to be honest, it's not a thing isolated to Irish people.................I've met many young people from different countries, and the same thing, out for a laugh, and there was drink involved. It doesn't mean I label anyone from any other country as an alcoholic or excessive drinker. just young and having fun. it's where the alcohol becomes you're reason for being or the only thing that keeps you going that there's a problem!
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Well, he just called me and told me that he spent the weekend with friends and they spent the weekend drinking. Perhaps it was only because he was visiting friends? He really is a cool guy. I guess my paranoid radar went up when he offered to buy me a Washington Apple drink at 1 in the afternoon. I think it's odd that he would describe his weekend by saying "we spent the weekend drinking". That's alcohol abuse talk, IMO/IME. What, they didn't do anything else? Normal people say stuff like, we spent the weekend waterskiing or BBQing or gambling or whatever. They don't specifically mention the alcohol because it is not the primary objective. I understand your wariness - being a recovering alcoholic who is involved with another recovering alcoholic.
Phoenix11 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 My Irish beau drank more beer/alcohol than any other guy I've dated. His day was not fullfilled unless he had a beer bottle in hand and another one chilled and ready to go in the fridge. I would not label him or Irish people in general as alcoholics. He just enjoyed his ale and had a high tolerance for it. Tis all.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 my ex (also Irish) liked the odd beer in the evening, watching TV or with dinner. But more often than not on nights out he was the designated driver, and didn't drink at all. All of the guys I know have a very responsible attitude to alcohol. We've all had our moments where we've had one or two too many, but otherwise, very healthy attitude. I do agree though that someone saying we spent the whole weekend drinking has the wrong attitude. maybe explore exactly what he meant by that? I don't think I'd like to be with someone who lives for the weekend, so they can spend it in a drunken haze, that is certainly wrong. (What I do take offence at is the notion that this is because he is Irish...........)
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