robaday Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well, she's changed her relationship status to "in a relationship", a big step for a girl who prides herself on privacy and hates relationships. We split (finally) in Sept in a horrific row. I had a breakdown of the worst kind, my therapist said she'd never seen anyone so close to death. I drowned myself in drugs and alcohol, blamed all my problems on this girl, nearly through myself off a very high bridge. She'd kept me alive for nearly a year. Checking up on me relieved my severe depression and guilt over my sister's death, but my facade of strength couldn't keep up. She didn't know I was suicidal. Since then a lots changed. I've become more confident, met a lot of great people and am slowly but surely getting my life back on track. I can't say I behaved like a man after the break. I argued, begged, cried, text terrorised and everything else. Desperation's not cool, but at the time I thought she was necessary for my very survival. What I've learnt since is important. External validation is pointless if you're not happy in yourself. Knowing when to get help when you need it is vital to your very survival. Truly loving someone means being willing to let them go. I wish her the best I really do. There's so many posts on here taking a stance that your ex is now your worst enemy for the pain she put you through. Well, it's a free country. If someone's not happy then why on earth would you want them to stay? If you can't look after yourself then how on earth can you expect to look after someone else? I've learnt I can't treat people I care about in the way I treated her. Self-destruction is your worst enemy because it effects everyone and everything that you care about. I just kept on sabotaging things, and it wasn't until it was over that I realized it was up to me to sort myself out. You can't save anyone who doesn't want saving. It's been a long road, I've made mistakes but who hasn't? It's only when you sink to the bottom that you can see the stars. If all this terrible stuff hadn't happened to me then I wouldn't be the man I'm going to be.
Ronni_W Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 If all this terrible stuff hadn't happened to me then I wouldn't be the man I'm going to be. Yes, exactly! Well, the man you already ARE, of course, and the man you're aspiring to be. Good to see you back
Ronni_W Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 External validation is pointless if you're not happy in yourself. Hey Rob. How you doing over there? Don't know if I mentioned the book 'Ruling Your World' by Sakyong Mipham, in your other thread -- you might find it interesting. And you have a PM. Hugs.
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