livinlovin Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 About three years ago my divorce was final. When he told me something was wrong I tried all I could to fix it, but it was too late for me and my ex-h. He was done with it. Said I hadn’t appreciated him, focused on my work, etc. It took me a while to get over the divorce, but I am young, and eventually began dating again. I had gone through a “personal transformation”, I though, and was a much better person because of my divorce. I didn’t see myself in anything but a casual relationship, until I met my current boyfriend. He made me truly forget about my ex-husband, as he was intelligent, funny, well-read, etc. He treated me like a princess However, he is also a recovering alcoholic and loves to spend most of his time on his computer. He is doing very well in his recovery. I, of course, fell back into my old ways and nagged for more time, for him to stop eating fast food, for him to be everything I felt I needed him to be. Finally he told me he’d had enough. I, for the second time in my life, was blindsided. I hadn’t seen this coming. It’d been a year and a half of ups and downs, but I had thought the ups outweighed the downs. Thing is, I heard the same things coming out of his mouth as my ex-husband had said. “I can’t live up to your expectations, I’m tired of the guilt of being wrong, I haven’t been myself in a long time.” My boyfriend has taken me back for now, but I am on THIN ICE. I don’t understand how I got back here again. Has anyone else found themselves destroying their next relationship, too? I feel right now that I am destined to be alone because I obviously have personality flaws. I don’t want to screw this up but I fear it may be too late for us, as well. Or maybe he's not "the one" so I have been purposely destroying our relationship? Help!
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 How long have you wanted perfection in a man, and how deep does the disappointment drive you when they don't come up to your expectations? What do you want from them, that you can't give yourself? Why are you expecting every good quality in one individual? Why do you turn your self-dissatisfaction out onto them, when it's you who needs the work? When could you go to counselling? Don't answer any of the above questions here. Just think about them for a while.
Miss Ting Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 You need to do some self reflection and figure out why you do this. It's a terrible thing to be with someone you feel have relegated you to a position that makes you question "how good of a person you are" and then actually make you begin trying to change yourself, or worst, hide who you are, just to please them. For some reason, your actions in your relationships is causing this. Be honest with yourself and admit what it is you do to make the other person feel this way, and then why. If it's because you are unsatisfied in your relationships, letting go would be the moral thing to do, not making someone feel inadequate with your words and/or actions.
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