lovinghim Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Hello everyone. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months, I love him with all my heart, I feel like he is my soulmate and he is the one for me. We live together and are very happy. In 2 weeks he is going to be going to a all nude strip club. I have expressed to him my feelings about this and how I am not comfortable and he states that he only goes because his friends want to go. He states that he goes for the atmosphere and the beer. He does not get lap dances, he said that he would never go with a stripper and is totally in love with me and thinks that I am sexy. I know that he does love me and I am somewhat comfortable with my body but I cannot help but feel insecure. I am just wondering from the guys and girls, do you think that I should be worried that my boyfriend is going to a strip club, what do you think about them and deal with any insecurities that come along with it. For the men: why do you go?
sand26 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Strip clubs are boring. I used to go and was always disappointed. The drinks are pricey, the girls are bored and obviously only want money, and the music sucks. If men go in groups it can be social and fun. I do not think you should feel very threatened unless he starts spending a lot of time/money there. These places are not really that sexual, and the women are pretty tore up (all haggard and stuff). The strippers will probably remind him how good he's got it to have a real woman who is beautiful and fun. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, you have told him how you felt, now let him go with a smile and a flirty kiss. Trust me, strip clubs are no match for a confident sexy woman. the mfk
Mahatma Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Strip clubs are boring. I used to go and was always disappointed. The drinks are pricey, the girls are bored and obviously only want money, and the music sucks. If men go in groups it can be social and fun. I do not think you should feel very threatened unless he starts spending a lot of time/money there. These places are not really that sexual, and the women are pretty tore up (all haggard and stuff). The strippers will probably remind him how good he's got it to have a real woman who is beautiful and fun. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, you have told him how you felt, now let him go with a smile and a flirty kiss. Trust me, strip clubs are no match for a confident sexy woman. the mfk I disagree with this. He is going for the same reason all guys go to a strip club. No one goes for the "atmosphere." You shouldn't have to, but if you told him you were uncomfortable with him going, he should think twice about it. How important is it? Why can not he just be with his friends somewhere else? How many other boyfriends have you had that expressed desires to go to a strip club? I would not even think of going to one while I am dating my girlfriend. How many other women have you known that had boyfriends that go to strip clubs while they are together? There are so many other things that could be done instead. Whether or not he wants a lap dance, the women there are still frisky and will be on him for money. I just would not want to be in that situation when I had a girlfriend because I can't even imagine the enjoyment of a strip club if you are not enjoying the naked women...
GoneButNotForgotten Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I wouldn't worry about it. Don't try and push him into not doing it. Chances are he will go out with his friends, laugh at them making themselves look like idiots all the while thinking how he is glad he has a real woman. (been there done that plenty of times) It really isn't as big a deal as people make it out to be. Sand is right for most of the time. It is cool and fun when your with friends, but really doesn't make you want to do it often. One time we went, I actually asked a stripper to move so that I could see the TV better. Let him go with his friends. He will probably come back even more thankful that he has you.
sand26 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I just would not want to be in that situation when I had a girlfriend because I can't even imagine the enjoyment of a strip club if you are not enjoying the naked women... I just don't think strippers are that attractive. If I wanted to see a coked up 26 year old ex beauty queen with cheap fake tits than I would definitely go to strip clubs to "enjoy" the naked women. But I have never seen a stripper I would actually screw. If I wanted to enjoy the naked female form I would also not go to a strip club, maybe an art gallery. So, maybe I am too picky, but I can't enjoy those naked forms at strip clubs, they are too pathetic. Then again, I date some amazingly gorgeous women; so I may be grading on a curve.
Mahatma Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I just don't think strippers are that attractive. If I wanted to see a coked up 26 year old ex beauty queen with cheap fake tits than I would definitely go to strip clubs to "enjoy" the naked women. But I have never seen a stripper I would actually screw. If I wanted to enjoy the naked female form I would also not go to a strip club, maybe an art gallery. So, maybe I am too picky, but I can't enjoy those naked forms at strip clubs, they are too pathetic. Then again, I date some amazingly gorgeous women; so I may be grading on a curve. No, they are disgusting. I personally do not like strip clubs because of the dancers, food, and music. They are always "dirty" looking and usually not very attractive otherwise. If he goes, he will certainly appreciate his woman more, but I do not see why he wants to go there instead of being with his friends elsewhere. Especially when his woman expresses her discomfort.
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 we've had so many threads about "My BF is fgoing to a strip Joint/lap dancing club and I don't want him to" - ! Almost without excepotion, the women writing in feel uncomfortable about their guys going, or if (more rarely) a guy posts - it's because his GF has expressed her displeasure and they don't get it. My partner, as part of his job, sometimes had to go along with the chosen 'lad's nights out' and attend an evening 'do' strictly for the boys, at a club like this. he loathed them. He would never go off his own back, and if not obligated to do so by his company. If he were invited by pals to do so now, he wouldn't go. He finds them tacky, expensive and pointless. However, if the situation were ever to arise again, that he would find himself forced by circumastance into going to one, it wouldn't matter to me one single bit. Not a bit. I know what his feelings are for me, I know how he feels about me, and I know that even if he were to enjoy himself, it would not, by virtue of that fact, be in any way threatening to me, because I know who he is, what his morals are, and what his standards are. If the OP is in any doubt about how her BF would respond, react or behave in a situation like this, then already, there are flags flapping about levels of Trust, Self-esteem and Respect. Punto e basta.
kashmir Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I never got the point of strip clubs. A guy goes there, throws his money at some girl to get incredibly turned on by her lap dances or whatever, and then goes home with nothing? If you're going to spend that money on a woman, just buy a hooker so you can get the full deal. Otherwise, save it.
Miss Ting Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Not unless he as whoring tendecies and you (1) know this and (2) don't trust him. And if either of those are true, the question then becomes "why are you with him anyway."
miguelito13 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Guys go to strip clubs because it is a Fantasy World for them. Hopefully the women are attractive and pretending like they are interested in you. You go with a big group of guys and just have a good time, for women consider it window shopping. You go and look at all the stuff you want to have at the mall but can't and then you go home to all the stuff you do have and are grateful for. I wouldn't worry about it, it's really not a big deal at all. You making it a big deal would be highly annoying, have faith and confidence in your relationship and yourself that he's just going for ****s and giggles, which is what most men do.
sand26 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I do not see why he wants to go there instead of being with his friends elsewhere. Especially when his woman expresses her discomfort. good point. Sometimes we have to show business associates a good time and this is what they want, bachelor parties, etc. Sometimes there are places I go without loving. ya know?
BobSacamento Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Show me a man who would turn down a lap dance at a strip club and I'll show you a homosexual.
Citizen Erased Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 The atmosphere and beer? That's what bars are for. What total BS. The fact he even said that crap says a lot. Not too many people go to strip clubs and leave without having had a little "fun". If you aren't comfortable with this you need to make your feelings very clear. I don't think it is too much to expect your partner doesn't do something that they know will hurt you.
sand26 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Show me a man who would turn down a lap dance at a strip club and I'll show you a homosexual. Um. I would. 20 bucks to have a homely girl sit on my lap? Maybe you think that is a good time buddy, but I would rather do a lot of other things. Like....ah....um... have sex with a woman, for free. I hate it when people say crap like this. I once had a girl say that if a guy didn't find every female "flower" gorgeous then he was gay. Later that night I found why she said this. It was a disgusting mess down there and she was trying to justify to herself that it wasn't her flaw. Maybe this poster, bobsacamento, spends a lot of time paying to have girls sit on his jeans and doesn't want that experience to be demeaned. Well sorry Bob. Paying an ugly girl to sit on your lap does not make you straight, it makes you lonely and in need of attention. sorry bro. good luck dude, the mfk
Enema Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I prefer strip clubs over a regular club. - The air-con is really cold so the girls don't sweat. - The drinks are cheap (probably so you get drunk and order a dance) - Girls don't play games, they're open about just wanting your money - There aren't any pesky clothes forcing me to undress them mentally - I like techno You just have to not fall into the trap of buying a dance and the night is win!
AlektraClementine Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 You go and look at all the stuff you want to have at the mall but can't and then you go home to all the stuff you do have and are grateful for. I wouldn't worry about it, it's really not a big deal at all. You making it a big deal would be highly annoying, have faith and confidence in your relationship and yourself that he's just going for ****s and giggles, which is what most men do. Typically, what we look at but can't have isn't someone else's penis in our face. Just think that's worth pointing out. Whatever though, if your boyfriend goes and "hooks up" with a stripper, you dump him. Done. My BF is going next month for a bachelor party hosted by a very wealthy man. A man who can buy just about anything he wants for the group. I have to trust that my man isn't going to be up to any funny business. If he does? I'll figure it out and get rid of him. That simple. We have to get over our fear of break ups people. If your partner isn't on the up and up, get rid of them.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 The atmosphere and beer? That's what bars are for. What total BS. The fact he even said that crap says a lot. Not too many people go to strip clubs and leave without having had a little "fun". If you aren't comfortable with this you need to make your feelings very clear. I don't think it is too much to expect your partner doesn't do something that they know will hurt you. Honestly, I go to strip clubs to play pool. Yes some the girls are hot and when they walk by me and have a great azz I love to check it out. I guess at a really trashy strip club you can get a bj or a naughty lap dance but i havent been to one like that. Nothin wrong with your man going to one once in awhile (once every couple of months is mean).
chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 and the thing with strippers is they are trash for the most part. And they really think they are fooling some desperate men by smiling at them so they can get money thrown at them. There are the types of guys who go there ALL the time (pathetic) and the types who go with the boys once in awhile to look at titties and play pool. Its all good, im sure you boyfriend is a good guy.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I never got the point of strip clubs. A guy goes there, throws his money at some girl to get incredibly turned on by her lap dances or whatever, and then goes home with nothing? If you're going to spend that money on a woman, just buy a hooker so you can get the full deal. Otherwise, save it. I know what youre talking about man. Its such a tease to look at naked girls cause all it does is give you a chubby. Kind of sad when youre single cause you know you arnet going home with any of them.
Tomcat33 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I find it interesting that women will pipe in every time there is a thread like this trying to tell the OP what they should feel, and they give her the "it's totally normal you are over reacting" spiel. That may be great and true to what you tell yourselves as women and how you handle your relationships but that doesn't mean other women would see it like this as well. First of all you don't have to go to peelers all the time to "get in trouble", all it takes is one lapdance and the desire to get carried away is there, and it can happen in one single outing if he feels like it. Clearly some of you women are clueless as to what goes on at stripjoints. It's stupid to think it's only a problem if he goes frequently. Yeah if he goes frequently he has a problem, more like an addiction, but to say only once is harmless is foolish if the woman in this situation does not feel that way. Look OP if you feel this is wrong and you feel like this is not part of what you wish for your relationship, like others said, make yourself heard. You have every right to not want this sort of thing in your relationship. I'd be inlclined to let it go the once, but that's me, you obviously feel strongly about this so you should stay true to what you feel. Don't let others talk you out of that. Just like if you were into calling some men's sex hotline to have phone sex with strange men, he has every right to tell you "hey listen I am not into this so please don't". Lastly why bother asking people why they go to strip joints because the answer is clear why they go, they go to look at naked bodies all the other stuff is filler for what they are really there to do. They can do all the other stuff they say they are there to do at any other establishment so the pool, the food, the music, the cheap drinks , is all irrelvant because they can get all that where there are no naked people dancing. LOL
collegekid491 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 The atmosphere and beer? That's what bars are for. What total BS. The fact he even said that crap says a lot. Not too many people go to strip clubs and leave without having had a little "fun". If you aren't comfortable with this you need to make your feelings very clear. I don't think it is too much to expect your partner doesn't do something that they know will hurt you. I will start off by saying I never go to these because I am a perfect, stand up guy.... who doesn't have money or time to do it lol jk. Honestly, just never appealed to me. The thing is, just cause you don't understand what other people say, doesn't make their statement void. Honestly, I think theirs a bigger danger of picking up a girl that would do me in a bar then a strip club :s, but thats just me! Personally, my gf has gone to these night clubs with her girl friends and I couldn't care less, I trust her. I think if you can't trust your bf or you want one thats gonna do as you say, get a puppy
Tomcat33 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Personally, my gf has gone to these night clubs with her girl friends and I couldn't care less, I trust her. I think if you can't trust your bf or you want one thats gonna do as you say, get a puppy Not to undermine what you are saying, but if you have been to both types of clubs (male strip joint vs female) you would know they are day and night. Not a comperable example.
collegekid491 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Not to undermine what you are saying, but if you have been to both types of clubs (male strip joint vs female) you would know they are day and night. Not a comperable example. Well as I said, I havn't, I roll on alot of stories about these places and have my views based on that. The general thing I was trying to convey is if you don't trust your SO then you shouldn't be dating them
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 The only reason I'd be annoyed at my SO going to a strip-club is if I wasn't invited. And, no, it wouldn't be to keep an eye on him. I've had a couple lap-dances in my day. I appreciate the female form and my eyes were glued on the women, not my XH's reactions. But anyway - men are visual creatures. There's something taboo and fun about being able to see a woman completely naked even if you can't HAVE them. If I wasn't invited, I'd just deal with it. I trust my BF and know that he'd be coming home to me because he loves me. I don't mind him looking at other women. *shrug* Heck, I'm usually the one pointing out hot women in public.
rainfall Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Guys go to strip clubs because it is a Fantasy World for them. Hopefully the women are attractive and pretending like they are interested in you. You go with a big group of guys and just have a good time, for women consider it window shopping. You go and look at all the stuff you want to have at the mall but can't and then you go home to all the stuff you do have and are grateful for. I wouldn't worry about it, it's really not a big deal at all. You making it a big deal would be highly annoying, have faith and confidence in your relationship and yourself that he's just going for ****s and giggles, which is what most men do. A guy thinking he had a right to go to a strip club in a relationship is highly annoying. If he wants to have nasty women touch him he should be single,then he is free to do whatever he wants whith whoever he wants. Until a guy is single though a SO should have a say in who her SO can see naked.
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