overseas2004 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well I think I have finally come to the point where I can seperate from my husband. I have been married for only two years and we have a small 9 month old daughter. We have every reason in the world to be happy but we are definately not. My husband met me while I was working abroad and came back to the United States with me and we got married. Since then he has not ever held down a full time job. At first it didnt bother me because he didnt speak English and I sent him to classes to learn. I opened my house and my money to him, singing him on to every bank account and credit card. At some point I introduced him to some friends who owned a large company and he started volunteering there. As time progressed they offered him a part time consultancy but they told him that he had to learn English better to get a full time job at the company. When the baby was born, I already had hoped he would be working to help pick up some of the slack from the time off that I had to take, but there was no chance for that. He told me that he wanted to work in a white collar job or nowhere. I kept hoping he would get a job. As time progressed he started spending money alot.... sending presents to his first daughter almost every month, I was also paying to support her and on top of that, he would go to Costco once a week and spend 200 dollars on fruit. I was already spending that in groceries. Then came the kicker. He wanted his daughter to come and visit us from Europe. He wanted for me to pay the ticket for him to go pick her up, bring her to the US and then return her. I think the price tag was about 5 thousand dollars. Mind you.... all of this was happening while I had a 6 week old baby. But because I had promised him earlier that his daughter could come visit, I relented and got him the ticket. During this trip he saw his mom and his mom gave him 20,000 dollars. He returned with that money and opened a seperate bank account. he has never given me any of that money but he does pay for things for the baby sometimes. The money he had was going fast though, he was just spending it left and right. In November he bought a really expensive camera and then a few weeks ago he bought a 1000 dollar computer. I tried to talk to him about the spending habits and even offered that we prepare a budget together rather than me controlling his spending. But he got really angry. He yelled at me and we fought. One day we had an extreme fight and he packed his bags and left. He had threatened to leave on many occassions prior to this and so this time when he came back two hours later, i told him he could not come back to me. He took off and went back to his home country. (yes he charged the ticket to my credit card) This was in September. After about five weeks, he returned with huge promises to get a job and help out around the house more etc... After he got back I took him off all my credit cards, but of course, I support him and pay for almost everything in the house. He uses his money for the things that we dont agree on spending, like 200 $ for fruit every week at Costco or the 600 $ camera. Sometimes he pays for groceries or baby formula and diapers or gas. But I have come to find out the money is almost gone. Besides the money issue whenever I try to talk about the issues in our marriage he either gets enraged and nasty and puts me down or he ignores me. I have finally had enough and I asked him to leave. I am on a business trip now and my mom is with the baby for two weeks. I hope he is out of my house when he gets back I read an article today that most international couples break up because one sacrifices his career for the other and I do stop to try to give myself pause as to whether I have been fair or not to him but on the other hand, the big thing to me is that on top of milking me for every dime I got, he also is nasty and yells at me and puts me down. I know its hard for a man to be supported by a woman and all that, but I just dont understand why he cant go work somewhere to improve his English and then he can get the kind of job he wants. Christ....
Author overseas2004 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 please any opinions are welcome
troubadour Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 It is not what you want to hear... but the sooner you dump him the better for you. He is not going to change. Get divorced and find someone more mature.
Author overseas2004 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 I think so too, I just wished it could be different. My daughter is so beautiful and I wish to god she didnt have to go through this and end up a child in a single parent home. My sometimes, I feel like she is that now anyway.
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Actually, it's exactly what she wants to hear, because it's in the first sentence of her post. And I'm in complete agreement.
Author overseas2004 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 My emotions and my heart are totally ready to let go. I already did when he left the first time. Its just my fear of my daughter growing up without a father and I dont want that for her but at this point I dont know what else to do.
Recommended Posts