tuscansun Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So during the awful break up and the beginning of my ex starting to date his co-worker, my ex hardly gave me the time of day. When we had initially broken up, he fought and fought and fought for me but I was so stressed about school and family issues and work that I couldn't give our problems the attention he needed, so when his unhappiness drove him straight into her waiting arms and THAT finally got my attention, I think he was done fighting. It was the ultimate 'screw you Im done' slap in the face. During the past year I fought so hard to get him back, tried to explain that I had been stressed and that you don't just give up on three years etc...all that stuff. And he did get to a place where he admitted that he still loved me but said he was very hurt and wasn't ready to deal with our drama and he appreciated being in something far less complicated. She lives closer, Im 150 miles away, they work together he doesn't have to make extra effort to see her, they dont fight cuz its all brand new, she's his age, im ten years younger, list goes on. These were his reasons for giving me the cold shoulder. Anyway, Ive posted about all that in the coping section months ago. Funny thing is, NOW, all of a sudden, I'm the hot new item on his brain. Says he can't stop thinking about me, he's coming to my city for the weekend in a couple weeks (Ive posted about that too "Havent seen ex in a while") and ever since I've agreed to it I've been getting flirty texts about how he misses my laugh and smile (sometimes my body)....just RANDOM. He said from the gitgo that he knew dating the CW was a mistake, but they got along, it was working, so why end it...He hasn't mentioned anything about breaking up with her and I haven't pushed it because I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. He just keeps saying, "I just need to see you, I want to sort this out". I'm glad he FINALLY wants to sort this out, seems he was afraid to before, but I'm just wandering what should I expect or not expect? We were very serious before, marriage plans, families intertwined, the whole deal, and I've discovered that he hasn't even introduced her to his family even though theyve been in town twice since they started dating...not sure if that means anything. My dad says he thinks my ex was just hurt and this whole thing has just been a plan to make me jealous and he'll come back eventually. God bless Dads but I need some objectivity here. My parents love him so of course they'll say that. What do all of you think? If you need more info I'd be happy to give it. Im just kind of at a loss here...
westrock Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 When we had initially broken up, he fought and fought and fought for me but I was so stressed about school and family issues and work that I couldn't give our problems the attention he needed, I believe that he is interested in you, but he just got tired of fighting for you, and your lack of attention to the problems. Sounds like your relationship was not a priority compared to school, family, and work. He wanted a relationship that was simpler and easier. Isn't that the type of advice we read all the time here on LS? tried to explain that I had been stressed and that you don't just give up on three years etc...all that stuff. You are saying that he should not just give up on three years, but it seems you were doing exactly that by not having time to give the issues the proper attention claiming you were stressed about school and family issue and work. Funny thing is, NOW, all of a sudden, I'm the hot new item on his brain. And this is a bad thing? He just keeps saying, "I just need to see you, I want to sort this out". I'm glad he FINALLY wants to sort this out, seems he was afraid to before, but I'm just wandering what should I expect or not expect? Take him at his word. Meet with him and sort this out. What you need to expect is that he will want to know what work you have done on your issues regarding school, family, and work and also whether you now place relationship issues ahead of school, family and work issues. Are you prepared to take responsibility for your role in how things unfolded? The question you need to answer for yourself is what do you want? If it is to possibly get back together, this is your opportunity to work it out. My dad says he thinks my ex was just hurt and this whole thing has just been a plan to make me jealous and he'll come back eventually. Listen to your dad. I agree that your ex was just hurt. I don't know if it was all a plan to make you jealous.
Author tuscansun Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Im TERRIFIED.....seeing ex today. He's coming to my city for the weekend. I was all tough and strong until yesterday. I got an amazing email from him earlier this week. He explained how insecure he was/is and how the longer we went on without each other the more insecure he got as he saw me toughing it out alone, fixing my life and getting stronger, lost weight etc....I have to agree, I'm a very different girl than the one who was sobbing hysterically on his doorstep a year ago....he talked about how nervous he is and how terrified he is that he will find himself hopelessly still attracted to me, more so even, and how he thinks i'll see that he's just deteriorated and itll give me that last bit of closure to move on with my life... Thing is, He's still WITH that that chick. If he's so worried about all this why doesn't he end it? I know there are complications, she's his coworker and all that and there would be a ton of drama, but at the end of the day, if he's that concerned about losing me....Maybe that's what he's trying to figure out today, which is why I am totally ready to throw up with nervousness. I was seriously fine until yesterday. I still want to give it a go, but I feel like a need to put on a relaxed beautiful front just to show him what he's missing and let him decide for himself. Doesn't help that I have a test in one of my classes in three hours, then have to fly over to bank to make a last minute deposit...puts my stress level on extra alert! Im so NERVOUS! My only consolation is that thank God I look better today than I ever did during our 3 years together. Tricky part will be not to fall apart in his arms any advice guys??????
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