incision Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well my story is A few weeks before christmas my wife came back from a night out with friends and poured out her heart to me telling me we can`t carry on like this and things need to change but she still loved me. Anyway 2 weeks paseed and i thought it was all good we were getting on great and on new years eve we promised to each other it was going to be a good year, however on the 2nd i asked her if she was happy and she said no and we broke up. The initial break up speach came out all wrong and the next day she said she wanted to fell like we did when we started to go out, so HER plan for us was to split for a while and in no set time we could start dating again and see what happened which i was all for as i love her dearly we even slept together that same week and shared a bed for the last 3 days before i moved out. Things carried on like this for 3 weeks and when she went out for the night to stay with friends while i had our children she phoned me at 3 oclock in the morning to say she was comng home which i thought was great she did and we slept together again. I was loving this as you could imagine but the following week she seemed distant so i asked her if she had met anyone or kissed anybody to which she replied she had kissed a guy she works with but felt very guilty and it was a stupid mistake, i was heartbroken and was very close to suicide but i came out the other side and fell things might work out, but she says she is happy with us as friends at the minute she isn`t seeing this guy but wont tell him to stop texting and he`s been round the house to watch films in the evenings, she swears on our kids lives that there is nothing going on and nothing will ever go on (i believe her like the fool i am) but the texts still go on and he sent her a valentines card i think he wants to follow up the kiss but she wont tell him to back off. I`m at my wits end cause i`m not there and don`t know what she is doing i think we could have a future if he wasn`t around but how do i tell her to get him to back off without giving her an ultimatum i don`t wanna lose her but she is drifting away from me, we have been together for 12 years and married for 7 with 3 great kids i cant go no contact because of the kids. I think it would kill me if i lost her completly but i can`t be her friend and watch her start seeing anyone else if that ever happens. I need advice before i self destruct.
husbndinthemaking Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well my story is A few weeks before christmas my wife came back from a night out with friends and poured out her heart to me telling me we can`t carry on like this and things need to change but she still loved me. Anyway 2 weeks paseed and i thought it was all good we were getting on great and on new years eve we promised to each other it was going to be a good year, however on the 2nd i asked her if she was happy and she said no and we broke up. The initial break up speach came out all wrong and the next day she said she wanted to fell like we did when we started to go out, so HER plan for us was to split for a while and in no set time we could start dating again and see what happened which i was all for as i love her dearly we even slept together that same week and shared a bed for the last 3 days before i moved out. Things carried on like this for 3 weeks and when she went out for the night to stay with friends while i had our children she phoned me at 3 oclock in the morning to say she was comng home which i thought was great she did and we slept together again. I was loving this as you could imagine but the following week she seemed distant so i asked her if she had met anyone or kissed anybody to which she replied she had kissed a guy she works with but felt very guilty and it was a stupid mistake, i was heartbroken and was very close to suicide but i came out the other side and fell things might work out, but she says she is happy with us as friends at the minute she isn`t seeing this guy but wont tell him to stop texting and he`s been round the house to watch films in the evenings, she swears on our kids lives that there is nothing going on and nothing will ever go on (i believe her like the fool i am) but the texts still go on and he sent her a valentines card i think he wants to follow up the kiss but she wont tell him to back off. I`m at my wits end cause i`m not there and don`t know what she is doing i think we could have a future if he wasn`t around but how do i tell her to get him to back off without giving her an ultimatum i don`t wanna lose her but she is drifting away from me, we have been together for 12 years and married for 7 with 3 great kids i cant go no contact because of the kids. I think it would kill me if i lost her completly but i can`t be her friend and watch her start seeing anyone else if that ever happens. I need advice before i self destruct. Sounds all to familar. Listen, she will never tell you what is REALLY going on with this guy. But don't worry about him, he really doesn't matter much. Let me explain... She is looking at this other guy because she is not receiving the things she needs from you. Ask yorself this, what has changed since you first met her? Did you stop going out to dinner/movies? Do not blame children for this either. There are ways around that hurdle. I suggest you go to zaxxes.com to get help if you want her back. That is what I did and it worked for me. Good luck.
edgeof27 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well my story is A few weeks before christmas my wife came back from a night out with friends and poured out her heart to me telling me we can`t carry on like this and things need to change but she still loved me. Anyway 2 weeks paseed and i thought it was all good we were getting on great and on new years eve we promised to each other it was going to be a good year, however on the 2nd i asked her if she was happy and she said no and we broke up. The initial break up speach came out all wrong and the next day she said she wanted to fell like we did when we started to go out, so HER plan for us was to split for a while and in no set time we could start dating again and see what happened which i was all for as i love her dearly we even slept together that same week and shared a bed for the last 3 days before i moved out. Things carried on like this for 3 weeks and when she went out for the night to stay with friends while i had our children she phoned me at 3 oclock in the morning to say she was comng home which i thought was great she did and we slept together again. I was loving this as you could imagine but the following week she seemed distant so i asked her if she had met anyone or kissed anybody to which she replied she had kissed a guy she works with but felt very guilty and it was a stupid mistake, i was heartbroken and was very close to suicide but i came out the other side and fell things might work out, but she says she is happy with us as friends at the minute she isn`t seeing this guy but wont tell him to stop texting and he`s been round the house to watch films in the evenings, she swears on our kids lives that there is nothing going on and nothing will ever go on (i believe her like the fool i am) but the texts still go on and he sent her a valentines card i think he wants to follow up the kiss but she wont tell him to back off. I`m at my wits end cause i`m not there and don`t know what she is doing i think we could have a future if he wasn`t around but how do i tell her to get him to back off without giving her an ultimatum i don`t wanna lose her but she is drifting away from me, we have been together for 12 years and married for 7 with 3 great kids i cant go no contact because of the kids. I think it would kill me if i lost her completly but i can`t be her friend and watch her start seeing anyone else if that ever happens. I need advice before i self destruct. Incision, time to wake up, she's done more than kiss this guy, returning at 3 in the morning, &, sleeping with you, that's just her guilt, there is more going on with this guy than you have been told, time to cut her loose, &, out of your life, cut you losses, sharpen-up you instincts, before she cuts out you heart, g...
Author incision Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 she was supposed to be out all night not come home and she hadn`t kissed the guy at this time it happened 2 weeks later, i do feel there is hope but need advice on what to do.
Author incision Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 I`m going to try and go no contact apart from kid talk and see what happens and hopefully i won`t be pushing her towards anyone else.
suzanne2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I'm a hugh fan of no contact. I cannot say that is got my marriage back on track, but I can say that it helps me keep my sanity. If I was in contact with him, it would be just devastating to me and I would be back peddaling each and every conversation. You can't make someone love you and you cannot make someone want to be with you. The only thing that you can do is take care of you and trust me no contact will be your life saver.
Author incision Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 I hope so i love her so much and i think she still loves me but can`t say it yet she is one for definate lines so i think i`ll have to let it run its course and only time will tell.
suzanne2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Unfortunately, that is exactly what you must do. Keep your head up, stay strong and keep posting.
misternoname Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Dude...hate to be a downer but my wife did the exact same thing and said the exact same thing..."I've only kissed him etc etc" All lies...they were having a full blown affair. I think the guilty party likes to announce just enough to get it off their chest but I seriously doubt "kissing" is all that's going on here. Time to wake up and smell the coffee!
edgeof27 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well my story is A few weeks before christmas my wife came back from a night out with friends and poured out her heart to me telling me we can`t carry on like this and things need to change but she still loved me. a) This was the first warning shot...... Anyway 2 weeks paseed and i thought it was all good we were getting on great and on new years eve we promised to each other it was going to be a good year, however on the 2nd i asked her if she was happy and she said no and we broke up. b) This was the second warning shot...... The initial break up speach came out all wrong and the next day she said she wanted to fell like we did when we started to go out, so HER plan for us was to split for a while and in no set time we could start dating again and see what happened which i was all for as i love her dearly we even slept together that same week and shared a bed for the last 3 days before i moved out. c) She is giving you mixed messages to keep you off balance...... Things carried on like this for 3 weeks and when she went out for the night to stay with friends while i had our children she phoned me at 3 oclock in the morning to say she was comng home which i thought was great she did and we slept together again. d) Okay, you say "friends", are they Male or Female, do you know them, this was probably an alibi while she met with "you know who", they probably had sex, then she fells guilty, so she phones you, comes home, has sex with you, (just in case she's pregnant), you think, "hey, this is great, everything is okay-dokey", ((NOT)), I was loving this as you could imagine but the following week she seemed distant so i asked her if she had met anyone or kissed anybody to which she replied she had kissed a guy she works with but felt very guilty and it was a stupid mistake, e) now she's getting closer to the truth...... i was heartbroken and was very close to suicide DO NOT EVEN THINK THIS WAY, but i came out the other side and fell things might work out, but she says she is happy with us as friends at the minute she isn`t seeing this guy but wont tell him to stop texting and he`s been round the house to watch films in the evenings, f) WHAT, and you think nothing is happening between them...... she swears on our kids lives that there is nothing going on and nothing will ever go on g) telling lies is quite normal for someone who is cheating...... (i believe her like the fool i am) but the texts still go on and he sent her a valentines card i think he wants to follow up the kiss but she wont tell him to back off. h) it's more than kissing...... I`m at my wits end cause i`m not there and don`t know what she is doing i) stop torturing yourself, it's over...... i think we could have a future if he wasn`t around j) he is...... but how do i tell her to get him to back off without giving her an ultimatum k) you can't, and she will not...... i don`t wanna lose her but she is drifting away from me, l) no one does, but it's over, we have been together for 12 years and married for 7 with 3 great kids i cant go no contact because of the kids. m) you have to, for your sake you can not continue this way...... I think it would kill me if i lost her completly n) take charge of your life, leave her...... but i can`t be her friend and watch her start seeing anyone else if that ever happens. o) correct, you cannot be her friend, you cannot watch her, forget her...... I need advice before i self destruct. p) keep reading the posts here, &, you will see an emerging picture that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone, do not hurt yourself, your kids need you, she does not...... Please take care of yourself, forget her, it's over, for everyones sake move ahead, g....
Author incision Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 I know this has probably been said before but i know her very well and she is dead against cheating, why tell me about the kiss but not about anything else if she did sleep with him which i`m 100% sure she didn`t then why not tell me then?
SRV Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 To minimize the damage already caused and spare you some more hurt feelings. What does your gut tell you? If there is a doubt, "there is a doubt", is almost always true.
TrustInYourself Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I know this has probably been said before but i know her very well and she is dead against cheating, why tell me about the kiss but not about anything else if she did sleep with him which i`m 100% sure she didn`t then why not tell me then? Stop validating this behavior. Tell her the text ends or you are getting a divorce/separation. He comes over for movies in your house? He sends cards? Are you serious? If that was me, I would tell her go find her own place. Let her live the dream and illusion of this Emotional (possibly Physical) Affair in the real world, paying for her own apartment. Yet, you think by being understanding and giving and by not setting limits, you are loving her? Wrong. Distance will only achieve one thing and that's allowing her to have a full blown affair. You sound weak and not even in the right state of mind to address this infidelity. Go get some counseling, especially since you have had thoughts of suicide. You are going to have to man up. Seriously.
Enema Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 On what planet is it acceptable for a woman to continue receiving text messages, getting valentines cards, and having movie nights with a guy she's recently kissed? What the hell is wrong with you?
suzanne2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I hate to rain on your parade, but they are all against cheating until they are the ones that are doing it. She is lying to you. I know that it hurts, but the pain will subside. I am going thru the same thing. "We're just friends. I have known her for years." Lies all lies. Don;t believe her. Get mad and then start packing.
Author incision Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 you guys are probably right i think i`m just hanging on for anything but i already moved out and i was made redundant the week after we split, i sit in my flat alone and don`t have any friends.
edgeof27 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 don't sit around doing nothing, get out, walk, run, exercise, read, educate, move on, do not just sit there thinking about her, you now have to make sure that you are being taken care of, do not ignore yourself, accept that it is over, the sooner you do this, the sooner you will be able to live without her, there will be some one else, but you have to be strong to attract them, not weak, g....
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I havent been here in a minute but if she's out there getting slayed out by other dudes is to not mope around about it. You need to invest in yourself and your own well being. When she sees your moving on she'll turn towards you. Your just in a funk right now but one day you'll be through it.
Author incision Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 right an update i had a long productive talk with my wife about everything this guy is off the scene he tried it on with her and she said no she wasn`t looking for anything with anyone, i even stayed there the night things are good and we said we`d leave it for now and see where we are in a few months. Which you never know i might not wanna go back even if she wants me too.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 So you believe women are masters oflying and manipulation I think she slept with the dude and she's lying to you about it because you are the saftey net. If she looses you she has nothing to fall back on. I suggest getting your self in a mentally better shape to live without her this isnt over. if she's still hanging out with the same friends and still doing trifling mess, then she will be tempted to do it again. Once a cheater...always a cheater.
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