Dexter Morgan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 That's a loaded statement....would you care to elaborate? If it's a "waste of a life" what do you suggest is the best alternative? Uh...divorce:confused: And the waste of life is this man staying with a woman when her heart belongs to another man.
desertmoon Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Uh...divorce:confused: And the waste of life is this man staying with a woman when her heart belongs to another man. But it looks like that's not happening (divorce)...so then he should not live?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 But it looks like that's not happening (divorce)...so then he should not live? One can live and their life still be a waste.
desertmoon Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 One can live and their life still be a waste. Agreed. At the same token, a life lived in anger, resentment and bitterness is a waste of a life...
Dexter Morgan Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Agreed. At the same token, a life lived in anger, resentment and bitterness is a waste of a life... None here. My life would be filled with that if I stayed with a cheating wife. Sure, you can call me bitter and angry while not recognizing that anyone can not be either yet still be annoyed at people who feel they have carte blanche to screw with other people's lives. If we don't like what you and your ilk are doing....we are bitter.....ho hum.
Chat Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 You clearly have no self respect, nor respect for those around you - case and point >>>>>>> I got married and had my first child when I was pretty young. I have been married to my hubby almost 18 years now. Things were extremely bad the first half of our married years...he was verbally and physically abusive to me, had multiple addiction problems including drugs, drinking etc. So you had a child, stayed with a drug addicted abusive man? Well clearly no regard for yourself or your child - well done. I stayed bc at the time I was raising kids and had no real way out nor any family support to get out. I was so miserable with my life back then. Over a decade ago ..I met this man online. We connected immediately and became friendly...He lived very nearby and we found we had a lot in common...he was married also and miserable. To make a long story somewhat shorter we had an affair...it was like my escape from reality. Right so instead of rescuing yourself and your CHILD from an abusive drug addict - you would rather have an affair...right He told me not to get emotionally attached to him but I guess being a woman and not a guy I feel thats easier said than done and I got VERY attached to my extreme detriment. I dont know how he really felt about me bc he was always keeping those kinds of things to himself. Fast forward, the affair lasted several months then he abruptly ended it and he also left his wife shortly thereafter...for some reason or other he didnt want to be with me and I was really devastated but I found out he had met someone else who had a lot less baggage than I did and I always felt the trapped situation I was in was what kept him from trying to make things work with me bc I think I would have tried hard to find a way out if it was possible back then to be with him...In the meantime I confessed the affair to my husband back then as he became very suspicious of me in hopes he would change his ways and we could work things out. he was furious, obviously but I think deep down he felt he bore a huge responsibility towards pushing me away by his despicable behavior. We managed to survive and move past it... Is your husband still an abusive drug addict? anyway me and the OM were together sexually once after he broke up with the woman he was with after he left his first wife..I guess that was 2 or so years after I had met him. I really did love him (or so I believed) and figured by me doing it with him again I would probably be rehurt after healing somewhat but I couldnt help myself...we have this fire between us that I never understood nor can explain nor I have ever felt with anyone else...I was right though..he met someone else with zero baggage around that time eventually married again and had a couple kids...he also has kids from his first marriage..anyway we would go for periods of time with no contact but that never seemed to work very well because he would always email me at some point to talk telling me he missed me and our friendship so did I and I would relent and the talking would continue... the bottom line here is we have both been faithful (at least I think he has) to our spouses for many years now but I have kept in contact with him and even seen him altho its been a couple years but they were friendly meetings and nothing happened but this has gone on almost the entire time since the beginning...Basically I have hid this friendship from my Dh for years now..Rarely do we go for very long without talking online and honestly we are very very close now as friends in fact he is probably like my best friend now although the one nobody knows about and I am his which he has acknowledged and told me that he is so glad I am in his life even though it has to be this way...I had managed to move past his remarriage and new life and have been happy to have him as such a close (secret) friend in my life. However the conversations we have are sometimes very sexually themed and we have often spoken of being "together" again but we just havent done so...I guess for various reasons. My marriage has greatly improved, I have gotten myself sorted out and am not totally happy with my life but I am no less than content nowadays...This man however, is the only thing in my life that I cannot completely get past totally altho I am nowhere near what I was once emotionally. I have managed to be ok with his life and support him when he has marriage issues and vice versa. BUT.. We still want to F each other...I know this and I really dont know why???????...well we found out he has a business trip coming up in a few weeks and I will also be where he is at the same time and well we have already decided we will be "together" during this trip. I am honestly worried about it. I know it is wrong for both of us but its like this uncontrollable desire. I dont want to lose his friendship over this and know nothing will happen as a result as we both know we have to move on from this if it happens with our respective marriages. My question I guess is how does one move on from this?...He has been faithful for so long to his wife and the fact is this would be the second wife he cheated on with me. I often wonder why if he has no feelings for me (other than our close friend status) he would pick me to be with when he could seriously go find someone else with no history and no chance of ruining a close friendship?? I mean I can honestly say even though we are so close, I still do not know if his feelings for me run deeper than that? So are you saying that if things are mutual then you will leave it all to be with this guy - and if not then you will f*ck him and start lying and all that again...wow, no self respect and self centered Again I know this is VERY wrong and I dont want to hurt my husband who I know loves me very much. I do love him but I guess my weakness for this OM especially in the physical sense, coupled with the history of DH hurting me many years ago still haunts me years later. I guess your past always catches up with your future. I know this is just sex with the OM..or is it? I dont know what to do..Am I just kidding myself? is he? I cant get this all out of my head and wish I knew just why I feel like I want to do this so badly...thanks for listening and for any thoughts/advice You want validation from an internet forum to have an affair? See counsellor - a different one - gain some self respect, LOVE yourself and your family - MAKE a decision about your marriage without the influence of another - Keep your legs closed in the interim
desertmoon Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 None here ahmm..sure...! The Nile is also a river in Egypt. Momto3: I think you know in your heart of hearts what the right thing to do. The OM represents something in the past that "felt good'--you want to revisit that....BUT...you know the collateral damage to revisit that is enormous...What are the chances of the OM not throwing you under the bus if this thing blows up on your faces? probably zero to none. So, if you are unhappy in your marriage, if your relationship with your husband is intolerable...time to think about making a life on your own, separate of him ...no? I know, easier said than done...but it CAN be done..and the OM? it looks like you are his spare tire. Sorry. Good luck!
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