sunbrite Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 well, I know you may have seen my other threads and please forgive me for posting so many times and yes I've asked and re-worded the same question a lot of times but it's so I can get advice and different opinions about my situation from neutral people. I'd like to feel confident that I'm making the right choice. Anyway, so my bf of 4 years and I decided last night that it's probably best to part ways. The first 3 years of our relationship went like this: bliss. the only thing we ever fought about was like petty household things, cleaning that is. He's more of a neat freak than I am. I'm a very laid-back person. So we would get into a tiffy and then let it go. When I would talk about it with people like my Aunt I would defend him and say "oh he's not that bad" but it kinda was because he would get on my case about little things. AND, lots of him hunting and fishing. I also over looked this because 1. he got to keep doing what he wanted and 2. I got my "space". I also over looked this too because that's just the way things were. So 3 years come around and we were living like room mates with sex. I started to think, this isn't what I want, etc. then I met someone else that made me feel alive and fun. I ended up having an affair and breaking up with my bf. I lied to him about it being anyone else and he knew deep down that something was up. He ended up finding out about the other man from my page on my space (of all things and all ways!) and was mortified. (I had emailed my friend intimate details about the affair, horrible I know). (I was really kind of careless about the whole thing). So anywho, he thinks all he wants is to make us work (despite everything) and I come to realize that the grass wasn't greener. We were split up technically for about a week. I had moved out, etc. Now, when we got back together we went to couples counseling. I didn't move back in until several months later. So we went to counseling and moved back in, etc and now a year later we're questioning everything. we both feel like we don't respect eachother like we should and feel like the connection is just gone. We had a GREAT history (despite what happened) which is why we're hesitant. But I said last night, when we got back together we knew we couldn't have what we had but we could possibly have something else, maybe even better but no. it's not there. we do love eachother yes, but it's just not quite there. Another note: I am not at all sexually attracted to him. I think he's attractive but when it comes to being sexual with him, I cannot wait until we're done and I'm a little turned off by things, like too much kissing. I get annoyed. I think a lot of the lack of sexual attraction has to do with our relationship and for me, it comes into the bedroom. I won't get into the details but to sum it up (and I've told him this) I don't feel like he loves me like I want to and like he used to love me. Despite knowing that we're going to break up, I don't feel sad. I feel like I am going to miss certain things but all in all, kind of a weight off of my shoulders. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do.
Goatsbreath Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 [so anywho, he thinks all he wants is to make us work (despite everything) and I come to realize that the grass wasn't greener. We were split up technically for about a week.] So in one week you found out the grass was not greener. The breakup was only a week? Sorry, just confused. Anyway, when the trust is gone its gone. You can get back into the relationship and label yourself a couple, tell yourself your working on it but it takes a lot of work to rebuild and establish trust. Its likely that he said he forgave you but really deep down, he can't let it go. Consciously or unconsciously he will sabotage the relationship because he don't trust you and you will feel what you are feeling, not loved.
wowIlose Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So what exactly do you need? If your here for sympathy your not going to get much (at least not from me) seeing how your the dumper and the cheater in this case. My only advice - break this off.. cut contact and be blunt with him. Don't drag this man through the mud, don't string him a long. Your not even sexually attracted to him? Has this always been the case? Either way, be mature about this and end it.
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