JoL Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I think I must be slightly deranged to be even considering this... When i was 21 i met this guy, let's call him A. I met him at a party and it was....i don't know how to describe it- we were introduced and it was like (corny) the room stood still and his eyes burned into mine. I have never felt such a strong attraction and spark with someone I have just met through eye contact before, and have not since. The electricity shook me to the core. I was breaking up with my boyfriend at the time, ever so slowly and painfully, and this was his friend. A approached my bf and told him he was so lucky to have a girl like me and was apparantly saying he thought i was adorable etc. My bf at the time said he saw sparks flying between A and I when he introduced us. We just had a laugh about it.. the bf mentioned this a few times and i admitted to him that A was the kind of guy i would date if i were single (we had a very honest rship). Bf and i broke up for good not long after (totally unrelated issues) and stayed friendly and kept in touch over the years. Haven't had contact for about 2 or so years now. I haven't spoken or seen A in 5 years. My entire contact with this man was a 5 minute conversation and some friendly smiles across the dancefloor/room. So why can't i stop thinking about him? I have looked him up on facebook and It makes me feel like a crazy cyberstalker. I want to contact him...I have this urge to send him a message and say hi remember me? But my ex is on his facebook and i dont want him thinking im chasing down his friend. Agrhgr am i crazy? What's the best thing to do? Stop the nutty behaviour and grow up? Or be totally impulsive and message him?
prettybaby Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Is your Facebook profile quite full and active? If not, just message him through Facebook, but then try to keep any further contact strictly by phone conversations / phone texts, and say you don't really use facebook much but just happened to see him and used it to get back in touch but that you'd rather communicate regularly by other means. Heck, even by regular e-mail is fine. Of course, if your profile shows 50 updates/day, then that will look like an obvious lie Don't you have his phone number or e-mail at all? In any case, do contact him. Just keep your initial approach nice and casual; nothing too heavy/emotional/demanding. And why would you care if your ex bf is on his facebook? I thought you two were cool?
I'm Joe Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Me too.. only mine is a girl who I knew in elementary school who I havent seen in 15 years. But I still am worried that it makes me creepy..... My advice: go for it.. It sounds like it would be a funny story to tell your grandchildren....
BobSacamento Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Moral of the story - don't have a BF at 21.
confused_2008 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Moral of the story - don't have a BF at 21. What's that supposed to mean? That she could have acted on these feelings if she wasn't tied down?
BobSacamento Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 What's that supposed to mean? That she could have acted on these feelings if she wasn't tied down? Yes exactly.
carhill Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Topically, not crazy. Logistically, since most people apparently exclude the friends of present or past partners from their pool of potentials, what would have happened anyway? Even if you didn't have a problem dating your ex's friend, how would he feel about dating his friend's GF. See where I'm going? As far as contact, I can give an example of how. I sent my old female friend an unsigned BD card with humorous version of a line I had used in letters decades prior. I wrote, in really small letters, the url of my business web site on the back, near the area where "Hallmark" was printed. She recognized the handwriting, looked on the back, searched the internet, found my phone number and called me. Time elapsed from last contact? 14 years, 1 month. What started decades ago as an inappropriate romance on my part has become a very satisfying friendship. That all said, I can't imagine her being a friend of my wife's (years ago); that would've been a bit too weird for me. YMMV
Flamenco81 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I think you should go ahead and send him a message on facebook. And if it is a private message, then your ex is not even going to know you wrote to him, plus if he's your ex it shouldn't matter. I had a girl that I used to have like a school crush on from when I was like 12! That I used to play with in my cousin's neighborhood but then I lived out of the country and we never spoke again, but I always remembered just her name. And then randomly through my cousin;s friends I found her and wrote to her again after like 15 years of not seeing or talking to her. And now she is married but I still wrote to make contact and she wrote back was super nice and we've hung out a few times and we are good friends now. It's worth it.
BCCA Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 It's not crazy at all, I think almost everyone has 1-2 'what-if's' they still think about. Mine is a girl I met in 10th grade, we got along great for the two days we were 'together', and then her family moved across the country. Not even a chance to say goodbye, and this was before the times of cell phones, so I didnt even have a way to reach her. I have thought about looking her up, but I'm always worried that she wont remember things as positively as I do, so I dont. And its been 12 years lol If I were you, send him a FB message. Whats the worst that can happen, he doesnt respond or tells you to get lost? Big loss there. Go for it, you only live once!
Recommended Posts