gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 My Ex dumped me 2 weeks ago and basically said I was the course of her anger issues, she did not love me etc (We were together for 3 years) I told her I need time and space 2 weeks ago, now she contacted me out of the blue saying she knew a course of study I am doing started today, and if I need any help please contact her, and she also said thinking of you at the end of it. Do I contact her back?? I do love her but will this set me back?? advice would be great
DSM-IV Tom Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 F*** no. Seriously. Heed my words like a damn prophecy. DO NOT CONTACT HER. DO NOT. DO NOT. Do not listen to anyone here who disagree's. (Although I DOUBT severely anyone will disagree). My words will seem prophetic, LISTEN TO THEM.
Author gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 stupid question I suppose by why??
SYL Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Because only two weeks have gone by... Everything is still too fresh.
Author gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 yeah your right, I want her back and if I was to contact her I suppose that would put out the signal that once again she clicks her fingers and I come running
DSM-IV Tom Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Well before I tear your ex apart psychological limb from limb, let's see. Is there any reason on Earth that you would think that her statement regarding you being the reason for her anger, is justified? Or was that completely just a low blow?
Author gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Some days she would come home and be ok with me, with who I am as a person, the next day she would come home and get angry at me for being me, in the end I withdrew emotionally from her because it was safer for me that way which only got her more annoyed. She also said she got the angriest with me because I was closest to her, and I accepted that statement up until 2 weeks ago.
DSM-IV Tom Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Thought so. Enjoy the list of issues with her. Bipolar disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder. Narcissist. Who else but DSM-IV Tom can diagnose mother ****ers so accurately so quickly
SYL Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Some days she would come home and be ok with me, with who I am as a person, the next day she would come home and get angry at me for being me, in the end I withdrew emotionally from her because it was safer for me that way which only got her more annoyed. She also said she got the angriest with me because I was closest to her, and I accepted that statement up until 2 weeks ago. Why do you want her back?? Listen to yourself: You withdrew emotionally... Because it was safer for you... And pay attention to what she said: She gets angriest with you because you are closest to her... RED ALERT. RED ALERT. This is called EMOTIONAL ABUSE!! And YES it can happen from a woman to a man!?
Author gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 thanks for your advice guys!!!! sometimes its hard to see the right way to go
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 My Ex dumped me 2 weeks ago and basically said I was the course of her anger issues, she did not love me etc (We were together for 3 years) I told her I need time and space 2 weeks ago, now she contacted me out of the blue saying she knew a course of study I am doing started today, and if I need any help please contact her, and she also said thinking of you at the end of it. Do I contact her back?? I do love her but will this set me back?? advice would be great NO! Let her stew for a while.
Author gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 thankyou I read the guides you posted, they rock!!
a_f_w Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Yea, I wouldn't reply. Precisely two weeks after starting NC with my ex, she sent me three e-mails one evening, each more friendly than the last, saying how she misses my company, how she sees what great times we had together, and all that ****. I didn't reply and don't intend to. She's still with her new boyfriend and they're getting on just fine, so it's obviously a load of **** anyway. I gave her enough fuel for her ego in the 2 weeks following the breakup, when I begged and pleaded like a worthless **** - so I won't be contributing to that any further. OP - at your T+ from the breakup, I wanted her back as well. But now, oh my god, I REALLY, REALLY do not. Once all the dust had cleared I could look back and realise how completely ****ed up she, and "we", were. You owe it to yourself to stay away for longer yet, and see if you come to any similar realisations.
LoveisWar Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Man, some things said sound so similar to what ive been through. She had depression from her past which she told me about but i think there may have been some kind of personality disorder too. She used to pick up on things i said or did sometimes and blow it into a big deal, i would find myself explaining things many times. She said a few times she was on the verge of giving up on me, but then build me up after and said that she wanted to resolve things. She told me she loved me, 3 weeks later she said she didnt love me yet. I split up with her, but she still acted like i was her boyfreind, then went all cold and said hurtful stuff that cut me up inside. When she said these things i would have to walk away. She asked me if i had regrets about breaking up with her, because i love her i said yes. She then told me that now she had the control! ...Huh?? I put a lot of effort into the relationship, phoning her, talking, listening to her when she was down. Travelling many miles to be with her. I sacrificed myself financially, time, emotionally, many sleepless nights. She said i 'reacted' to things she said. The only reason i did was because the stuff she said was'nt what a person who cared would say to me, it hurt! So i would say if you feel that way do you want to split? That was a reaction to her...man, im feeling better now 7 weeks later but when i left i was a broken man..She told me i would end up old and alone while she would be married with kids. I had zero self esteem, zilch, nada. A changed man from when i first met her. Dont get me wrong, there were a lot of great times too, if not i would of been gone a lot sooner than i did. Has anyone been through this kind of thing? Does it sound like a personality disorder?
a_f_w Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Dont get me wrong, there were a lot of great times too, if not i would of been gone a lot sooner than i did. Has anyone been through this kind of thing? Does it sound like a personality disorder? Probably nothing that would be diagnosed by mainstream medicine. It's easy to put labels on things like that, but I think people are just weird and pretty much anyone can act strangely, given the right circumstances.
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 thankyou I read the guides you posted, they rock!! You’re welcome. That's exactly what they are for!
Rogue52 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Buddy, take the advice of the rest of us who have been in the exact same situation as you and failed. If things are TRULY going to work out, it needs more than 2 weeks. Do not respond. If you do (and you probably will), get ready for being set back 2 weeks.
Author gavinus Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 yeah by responding I was thinking of texting thanks to appear a nice guy, but then I thought why should I? The worst has already happened, she has already dumped me. Thanks for all your support, I will not respond at all and continue to be strong:)
diskey23 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 im not going to tell you to never contact her again but i agree with everyone else. 2 weeks is way too fresh. if you cant help it & already have it in your mind youre going to respond, dont worry about saying something nice, reply with something indifferent, like "ill keep that in mind" reading some of the replies i can relate so well with bipolar, etc... chicks. towards the end of my last relationship it didnt matter what i did she would become annoyed. if i missed a turn driving it resulted in me getting cut down, even though she has the worst sense of direction of all-time. if i did something she would get annoyed at me, but if one of her friends bf's did the same thing, it was considered funny. weeks before we broke up i would get how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, the next day was drama.
Author gavinus Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 yeah, I want to respond but all that would do is say to her that her treatment of me was ok, which it was not, I like your I'll keep that in mind answer, besides she contacted me out of the blue if I don't respond and she wants to contact me again I am sure she will, it is hard though, I come home and check the answerphone etc every day
diskey23 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 if you have a decent state of mind, i dont see a big deal in a response as long as you dont reply a split second later. give it an hour, a day, whatever. let 'em think your busy & not top priority. i also lean towards an indifferent response, i think it can kinda show your 'over it' in a certain way, as long as the break up isn't fresh, then they dont know which way your leaning. if you dont seem eager to back togather or so pissed you wont talk to them, i think theyre more likely to conatct you in the future. but dont reply all the time & keep responses short, otherwise theyll think they still got you by the balls. let them be curious. & only contact when they contact first. also, if your just a wreck over the relationship still, dont reply. ive kinda been doing this with my ex bc its once in awhile (once every 2 weeks). i go out with friends a lot & have hooked up with someone new since the break up, basically i dont feel im soaking on it right now. a diffrence might be im around 3 months, youre 2 weeks. so after all this, i guess idk.
BCCA Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 "ill keep that in mind" I might add ', thanks' to the end of that, but otherwise, thats the best thing to say if you HAVE to respond. Personally, I still wouldnt. There is nothing to be gained there, really. What she did to you was certainly not ok, and youre not going to forget about it because it would make her feel less guilty. I think her whole ploy here is to seem like she being nice, so you dont remember all the crappy stuff shes already done. Is she sincere about helping you even? Doubtful, its a trap.
Author gavinus Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 I agree, its funny when you are with somebody they first make excuses for their behavior then after awhile you make excuses for them, I will not contact her, Thanks for the great and strong advice :)
a_f_w Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Let me note here that I was in a lot of contact with my ex for the first three weeks or so - well, as much as she would permit. Basically a few hours a week if I could catch her when she wasn't with her new man. During that time I said a whole lot of stuff to her. The first couple of meetings I was a sad begging wreck, trying to compliment her and be as nice as I could. Then I stopped being a loser and told her what I had come to feel, and what I still feel today. There's more I wish I could have said, but I'm glad I got to say what I did. Then I've been in NC for the last 3 or 4 weeks since then. I'm glad I didn't start NC right away. When she suddenly, overnight, switched over to a new man and never wanted to see me again, there were a lot of questions I wanted answered, lol - and I'd hate to not have had a chance to ask them. Now, I'm happy to never speak to her again - but perhaps for people fresh from a breakup, NC does more harm to you than it's worth? Basically, I started NC when *I* wanted to, and not a moment sooner. When I needed to see her and speak to her, to make me feel better, I did that. Then when I needed not to, I did that, instead.
Author gavinus Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Thats true, I suppose I am hurt as at the end of the text she sent me, she said, thinking of u. She did not say I want you back or missing you, or even say sorry for hurting me. I suppose my fear of NC is if I don't contact her back to acknowledge her text I may never hear from her again as she may think I am being a horrible cold Basta*d. But I did ask for time and space 2 weeks ago and she contacted me anyway. Its confusing
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