Island Girl Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 And island girl your post confused me too, no offense...but what do you mean you might have taken them back if they acted as if they didnt want you anymore?? Are you sure you would have? what were the reasons for breaking up in the first place?? Not acted as though they didn't want me anymore. If they had acted like I am not the be all and all of their world. If they had been as they had been in the beginning - strong, confident, - not in any way needy or longing, and if they hadn't just jumped right back into the full relationship right where we had left off. That is why I said I met up with the person I had walked away from. The person I walked away from was "whipped". They had become a doormat in the relationship. That is essentially why I broke up with them in the first place. I did get back together with a few of my exes. And because of the above they ended again in the exact same way.
dwightl Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 In my opinion Tom, you did the best thing! Congratulations man.. Honesty is the best Policy for me.
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Thank you my friends. And a special thanks to dwight I was never friends with my ex though, goat. Right off the bat I showed interest and we started dating. Never went through a friend stage, so I don't know how to be a friend to her. I don't want to downgrade to something I never was.
Ronni_W Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I don't want to downgrade to something I never was. Totally respect and accept that as your position. In my own experience, though, going from romantic relationship to friendship is not necessarily a "downgrade" -- sometimes such 'transformed' relationships can flourish and grow into wonderfully supportive and enriching friendships. Yes, it does depend on all sorts of factors, personalities, etc. And, Tom, I'm getting that such a situation is NOT for you . But one can also grow into and live UP to becoming a genuine and trusted friend (rather than it always just being a "downgrade", I mean.)
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 That's not acceptable for me ronni. I can't ever be her friend and see another guy with her. You don't understand, I am trained too well in combat. I would dislocate the joints of anyone who she talked bout. That can never happen, girls just don't understand. Guy's don't ever want to be friends. I am not friends with ANY female. I either date them or don't talk to them. No drama, no bs.
ATR Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 That can never happen, girls just don't understand. Guy's don't ever want to be friends. I am not friends with ANY female. I either date them or don't talk to them. No drama, no bs. http://www.laddertheory.com/ Did you create this?
LeroyJose Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Ronni has a point. Don't get me wrong Tom. Sometimes friendship blooms into a higher level of relationship but in your case, you said that you've never been friends right? so you're right on saying that you never know how to be and act as one in front of her. This is a tricky situation here.. but I guess there's nothing on being true to yourself. It never will be I guess.
bluehare07 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Guys, we can do your best to cheat everyone except ourselves..
Goatsbreath Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Tom, I didn't mean to make it sound like I am promoting a friendship between you and your ex. I just meant you should of approached the possibility of reconciliation that way. When you start dating someone you approach them on the level of a friend and hope it quickly blooms into something more. You should of approached her that way without laying out the structure of what was because its not that anymore, the structure is gone. It can only be built into something new. If during the building process you see its not going where you want you stop the project.
CaliGuy Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 This is the position I didn't think I'd be in. My ex broke up with me November 4th and it was hell. (I still think about even my first ex. True love never truly dies.. so I still do think about my recent ex, whom this topic is about). But I managed to successfully convince myself that the girl that I loved (my recent ex), wasn't the girl I thought she was for all this time. So that's how I was able to move on. But out of the blue tonight, my ex text me and said she's been doing a lot've thinking these past few months and wants to hang out this weekend. I asked her if it was as friends or if she had intentions of slowly moving towards a relationship. She said as friends because she missed me. I declined respectfully stating it's too painful to just be friends. She got mad and said sorry she even bothered. I said please don't be like that, it's too painful to hang out as just friends... I said it would kill me to see her again and not kiss or hold eachother.. and then just leave after we hang out as friends. She then replied "Well I'm gonna be like that". So I said I wish her the best and I will keep her in my thoughts as a wonderful girl whom I do miss dearly. And that was it. Did I do the right thing? Assuming I would get back with her if she wanted to. Yes Tom, you did the right thing. #1 Never make someone a priority in life who only sees you as an option. #2 Never be "friends" with someone you are in love with. #3 Never accept tablescraps of their affection (eg: friendship). She wants to meet with you simply to make herself feel better, not you. She wouldn't have pouted and acted like a baby when she didn't get her way. You put you foot down. You made your need a priority. If she doesn't respect that then screw her. She doesn't deserve your time. Don't worry about getting her acceptance or approval. That's not important. What is important is what YOU think the right thing to do is for yourself -- and DOING it. And if that means slamming the door in her face, so be it!
dwightl Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Probably the best thing for now is not to be friends with her. You can't force yourself to simply forget what you've been through in the past. I bet it's never easy. Let time decide on that matter.. probably time will come that you'll be able to accept her as your friend.
bluehare07 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 they say that time is the best healer.. who knows? your road might cross again in better terms. let things flow as they should be.
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