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this is BOTHERING me!!!!!!!!! i need as much input from everyone as possible! thank u

smile_through_tears

By smile_through_tears
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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smile_through_tears Established Member

smile_through_tears

Posted
Posted

It's me...AGAIN!!! :o (sorry guys but i reallyyyyy need your advice before i go and do something stupid...it would be me :love: )

 

 

I must be stupid or something must be wrong with me.......But as I stated his attempts to contact me and me ignoring them...has made me feel WORSE!!! :confused: Because now I feel like I'm being rude by not responding or like I'm messing up any chance I have at getting back with him (if possible) or being friends with him in the future...or heck even CLOSURE!!! I wish I could just say HOW I FEEL instead of ignoring him or pretending...damn it!!!

 

 

The thing is that while we were together, he was a sweetheart and we spent TOO MUCH time together...i got so freaking attached and obviouly fell in love with him like crazy...I CRIED REAL TEARS and felt true love for him...Then we broke up...I hate that damn day..I remember it like it was yesterday...it happened sooo WEIRD, we got into an argument and that was it...it was over...without even understanding it...I CURSE THAT F***KIN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGHHHH it brough sooooo much hurt in me....

 

 

I tried to get him back, didnt work...then left him alone.......then he was contacting me for 2 months and a half...i would respond...then i stopped but he kept writing to me on facebook..........NOW I feel like sh** for not responding and its really bothering me....like i just want to call him and let it all out but I wont cause I cant....

 

 

I dont know what to do...whether i should be upfront and tell him how i feel (by doing this im risking a colddd HEARTLESS reaction and also him being surprised i feel so strongly...mind you, i felt sooo much pain but yet kept it all to myself)

 

 

or whether I should reply and be polite and pretend im fine...he might not even reply....

 

 

or keep ignoring him and keep everything inside, NEVER showing him how much this hurt me.....

 

 

 

I know I'm puttin wayyy too much thought into this but I dunno I feel like im "drunk" with pain and cant think clearly....blah...so him contacting me is a big deal, i feel my heart drop everytime i see a text or a message...what do i do????pleaseeeeee helpppp meee!!! I havent responded in like a week.........I miss him soooo much, I dont think he misses me AT ALL...but i wonder if he doesnt care about me or miss, then why does he keep in touch?? Any thoughts??

DSM-IV Tom Established Member

DSM-IV Tom

Posted
Posted

There is only one option babe.

 

You have to ignore him. He isn't saying what you want to hear and he knows he isn't. You aren't being rude, you're standing up for yourself and showing him he can't just use you as a backup/toy.

 

You've already clarified you want to get back together... so he knows that.

 

He will open a conversation saying he wants to talk about a relationship/get back together/ etc. if that's what he wants.

 

He doesn't want that obviously.

 

So you have every right to ignore him. Why should you play along as his toy just for his satisfaction?

 

That dude's pathetic

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smile_through_tears Established Member

smile_through_tears

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Tom here is the thing...

 

He wrote me an "apology" on facebook---I felt kind of offended cause I mean...couldnt he call or something??

 

Also he'll text me the most random things...

 

 

He made it clear to me before we're not getting back and he even said he wanted to keep in touch...so I'm guessing he just wants to keep in touch?? Should I tell him what you told your ex?? :confused:

 

 

Freaking love man!! I'm a college student, stress is NO BUENO!!! lol

SYL Established Member

SYL

Posted
Posted

Don't know what the back story is... but if he bothers you on Facebook, BLOCK him! At the same time, if you have feelings for him, why not tell him? Why are you playing this silly game?? Again, I don't know the back story...

DSM-IV Tom Established Member

DSM-IV Tom

Posted
Posted

No you shouldn't even speak to him. I have been ignoring my ex and the only reason I talked to mine is because she opened a conversation saying she's been thinking and wants to hang out. So I responded for more details. Had I known it was just as friends, I'd have just ignored it; and you DO know your ex doesn't want a relationship already, so IGNORE IT!

 

I'm bout to kick his ass

Kage111 Member

Kage111

Posted
Posted

Until he's crying at your doorstep with two dozen roses yelling at the top his lungs that he made a huge mistake... keep ignoring him. It's not worth it.

BCCA Established Member

BCCA

Posted
Posted

Some one told me this before, but the method he uses to contact you should tell you a lot. He's sending texts/emails...thats a minimal effort at best. Apologies said over email arent worth much to me. If he really wanted to relay an important message, he would pick up his phone.

 

Also, like people have said, unless it starts with 'im so sorry, im an idiot and i made a mistake', hes just trying to push this whole 'keep in touch' bit on you so he doesnt feel like a jerk. No one likes the idea that someone out there hates them, and hes probably only looking for validation from you that he isnt a terrible person.

 

Tom, my ex did the same thing. It's like, they know how to peak your curiousity, but then they pull the rug out from under you. I told my ex this before, 'youre not going to trick me into being your friend'. I honestly think a lot of people try, though.

Knight_Ctrl Established Member

Knight_Ctrl

Posted
Posted

I once said on here

 

"Its funny how as soon as you start to rebuild your pillar of self confidence and identity your ex returns to destroy it all as fast as possible, I swear to **** they must get some kind of psychic signal or something. Because even with NC they still KNOW."

 

yep.

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smile_through_tears Established Member

smile_through_tears

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I know...I wanted him to at least call and apologize for hurting me...he knows he was messed up but then i guess he was just speaking the truth but still he hurt me and I would have liked at least a phone call...I'm shocked he even apologized cause I know in his eyes he didn't do nothing wrong...

 

Knowing him this is what he's thinking or feeling [ he felt guilt for hurting me and as he said we were going to "keep in touch"...Now that I didn't respond, he probably feel "released" that he doesnt have to write me anymore...because now he has "TRIED" and Im the one who's not responding..he apologized and kept on trying to be a "good ex-boyfriend" but Im the one who stopped responding..perfect excuse to not talk to me anymore. ]

 

 

What's so sad about that is that most likely that IS how he is thinking..he cares sooo much about having a clear concious and by doing this thats what he gets...

 

 

Do you think he'll attempt to contact me anymore??? I kind of have ALOT of things bottled up inside that I want to say but I dont want to be the one to bring everything up because he's just going to act cold and indifferent.....I hate this

stovepipe Member

stovepipe

Posted
Posted

He'll contact you again I'd bet. Ignore it. I just started this whole NC thing myself a week ago. She texted me a few times since then I ignored them all. It sucks and I wanted to reply so badly, but honestly I made me feel good that she was wondering how I was, if I was ok, it made me feel better knowing that she doesn't get to know any of that .

You'reasian Established Member

You'reasian

Posted
Posted
It's me...AGAIN!!! :o (sorry guys but i reallyyyyy need your advice before i go and do something stupid...it would be me :love: )

 

 

I must be stupid or something must be wrong with me.......But as I stated his attempts to contact me and me ignoring them...has made me feel WORSE!!! :confused: Because now I feel like I'm being rude by not responding or like I'm messing up any chance I have at getting back with him (if possible) or being friends with him in the future...or heck even CLOSURE!!! I wish I could just say HOW I FEEL instead of ignoring him or pretending...damn it!!!

 

 

The thing is that while we were together, he was a sweetheart and we spent TOO MUCH time together...i got so freaking attached and obviouly fell in love with him like crazy...I CRIED REAL TEARS and felt true love for him...Then we broke up...I hate that damn day..I remember it like it was yesterday...it happened sooo WEIRD, we got into an argument and that was it...it was over...without even understanding it...I CURSE THAT F***KIN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGHHHH it brough sooooo much hurt in me....

 

 

I tried to get him back, didnt work...then left him alone.......then he was contacting me for 2 months and a half...i would respond...then i stopped but he kept writing to me on facebook..........NOW I feel like sh** for not responding and its really bothering me....like i just want to call him and let it all out but I wont cause I cant....

 

 

I dont know what to do...whether i should be upfront and tell him how i feel (by doing this im risking a colddd HEARTLESS reaction and also him being surprised i feel so strongly...mind you, i felt sooo much pain but yet kept it all to myself)

 

 

or whether I should reply and be polite and pretend im fine...he might not even reply....

 

 

or keep ignoring him and keep everything inside, NEVER showing him how much this hurt me.....

 

 

 

I know I'm puttin wayyy too much thought into this but I dunno I feel like im "drunk" with pain and cant think clearly....blah...so him contacting me is a big deal, i feel my heart drop everytime i see a text or a message...what do i do????pleaseeeeee helpppp meee!!! I havent responded in like a week.........I miss him soooo much, I dont think he misses me AT ALL...but i wonder if he doesnt care about me or miss, then why does he keep in touch?? Any thoughts??

 

Contact him one last time, explaining what you need to express - and if it works, great!

CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

Posted
Posted
Tom here is the thing...

 

He wrote me an "apology" on facebook---I felt kind of offended cause I mean...couldnt he call or something??

 

Also he'll text me the most random things...

 

 

He made it clear to me before we're not getting back and he even said he wanted to keep in touch...so I'm guessing he just wants to keep in touch?? Should I tell him what you told your ex?? :confused:

 

 

Freaking love man!! I'm a college student, stress is NO BUENO!!! lol

 

So he sent you a chicken-bleep apology on Facebook??? That's not very manly nor is it sincere. When people want you to know they are sorry, they tell you right to your face.

 

He isn't sorry. Not at all.

 

Hmmm, if I got an apology on Facebook I'd probably laugh then delete it. haha.

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smile_through_tears Established Member

smile_through_tears

Posted
  • Author
Posted

hmm...so keep ignoring him?? :confused: I ask because if I'm going to write to him, might as well be this week...how much longer can I wait?? ahh...i'm still so confused :love:

nittanylion Established Member

nittanylion

Posted
Posted

He is playing with your emotion. If he is sincere, and care about your feeling, he will mend with you. Obviously, he is immmature, and dont have the balls to apology you in person.

 

So, dont contact him unless you are asking for more heart aches.

 

 

Just try to find something to keep yourself busy! I know you can overcome this. I believe in you.

phxalfie New Member

phxalfie

Posted
Posted
hmm...so keep ignoring him?? :confused: I ask because if I'm going to write to him, might as well be this week...how much longer can I wait?? ahh...i'm still so confused :love:

I had a girl that I dated for 1.5yrs break up with via txt message. I lost a lot of respect for her that day.

 

It seemed to me that your "trying" to make this work.

"Trying" dosn't work! you can not "try" to pick up a pencil. You either do it or you don't.

 

So, either except that it is over or do everything you can to make it work. ie. Read books, websites. Complaining on a forum will not change the facts. People love to give their opinions but that may not be best for you. You need to take action.

 

Successful people are successful because they model other people/things that work.

 

Start you new life TODAY!

 

Best!

  • Author
smile_through_tears Established Member

smile_through_tears

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I had a girl that I dated for 1.5yrs break up with via txt message. I lost a lot of respect for her that day.

 

It seemed to me that your "trying" to make this work.

"Trying" dosn't work! you can not "try" to pick up a pencil. You either do it or you don't.

 

So, either except that it is over or do everything you can to make it work. ie. Read books, websites. Complaining on a forum will not change the facts. People love to give their opinions but that may not be best for you. You need to take action.

 

Successful people are successful because they model other people/things that work.

 

Start you new life TODAY!

 

Best!

 

 

 

I'm trying to keep my head up but its easier said than done.

lynne1973 Member

lynne1973

Posted
Posted

hi this is a really tough situation. and also with guys, its so hard to figure out cuz 9 times out of 10 they not really good in expressing what they feeling like we can be straight up and tell them what we want but when they are put in a situation, its tougher to do the same. so then u see random behaviours instead from them that don't really make sense.

 

bottom line is, if all he wants to do is keep the link to remain friends, then you have to ask yourself if you are strong enough to have just a freindship with him only, knowing u can't have nothing more? and if your feelings for him run way too deep that it will hurt to just be his friend, then to protect ur heart you have the right to explain that to him and sever all ties after that.

 

if not, you will just keep dragging urself thru this emotional torture of what if's and maybe's and while ur agonizing over it, he on the other hand will take it all for granted cuz he knows he can have his way with you which is not what you want him to think or feel....

diskey23 Member

diskey23

Posted
Posted

ex's as friends is the biggest bunch of crap. the only people i can think of are jerry & elaine from seinfeld. he probably just wants to see if youre still around at this point, just in case. doesnt mean he wants to get back together, doesnt mean he doesnt. might just be his ego. im a guy, and yes, i think were less likely to just put it all out on the table like girls will. but, i would wait till he gives you a little somethin better to reply to.

Truly Lost Established Member

Truly Lost

Posted
Posted

I don't doubt that he cares about your feelings and harbors guilt about the two of you breaking up. However, if he only contacts you through text messages and emails, he is trying to let you know that he is concerned, but is avoiding the possiblility of having the "lets get back together" talk. He probably doesn't want to get back together. If he wanted you back I think he would try calling you, either that or he is just an idiot.

 

I think its ok to attempt to contact him if you are trying to gain some closure. You're obviously very distressed over your break up. My view is if you DON'T contact him you will still go through the hurt you are experiencing right now, always thinking, "What if...". That thought process can lengthen the amount of time it takes to heal. If you DO contact him you risk amplifing the amount of pain you are going through. Either way, if you do talk and the conversation leans towards no reconciliation, then you can finally have your closure and start healing. After that, don't contact him again. If he reconfirms the decision to stay apart, then you can bet that its over for good.

MeMyself&I Established Member

MeMyself&I

Posted
Posted

Wow! I just don't understand how we can lump the ex's that did the breaking up into one category.

 

I wrote this somewhere in another thread but can't remember so I'll try to convey it again. Not every situation is the same. When I broke up with my EX and tried to talk to him face to face and tell him I'm sorry---he hated it. The emotions were too prevalent and out there to be seen and he is a very private emotional person. That's one of the reasons we split up (very emotionally unavailable).

 

I agree the dumper needs to show effort. But I knew by contacting him too frequently or face-to-face it would send him running the other way. He HATES needy. He told me this at the start of our relationship. So this weekend I sent him an e-mail telling him one last time how sorry I was and that I missed him and the regret I had that we couldn't be together. I told him he was worth making an effort for and that the one earlier attempt I had made did not seem sufficient.

 

I will not contact him again anytime soon. In doing so I would seem needy and disrespectful of his words that he does not want to try again at this point. It's hard because the situation almost seems reversed as now I feel like I was dumped.

 

STT--you know this man better than any of us. I don't know how best to approach him and cannot tell you. But it is not all black and white. I agree that if he's made it clear he doesn't want to be with you that you have to respect that for your own sanity and not to come across as clingy. But you also don't know what he is thinking either.......and you can't.

 

Maybe his reasons are for self-interest (ie. to ease his guilt); but maybe it's because he doesn't know how to approach you--just like you are unsure of how to approach him. What are the dynamics of your past relationship? Only you and him know that best.

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smile_through_tears Established Member

smile_through_tears

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Wow! I really appreciate everyone that has replies, u guys are amazing! thank you.

 

The thing is that he is VERY difficult to understand...he doesn't open up easily...when we were together he did, and he even cried alot of times but after we broke up..he really confused me..

 

 

first he told me he really didnt want to lose me and we were going to work on our problems..then it was he really was confused about his feelings...then we were too young...then he was not in love anymore but loved me as a friend and was attracted to me?? :rolleyes::confused:

 

 

The first month of our break-up he kept telling me he didnt feel good with our break up and he missed me...but he kept on saying he didnt want to get back...then he completely changed and was SO COLD and HEARTLESS...then we were "friends"...then he becomes COLD again....and then we're "acquantances"....

 

 

He makes me feel so invisible, I dont know why...but it hurts. Yeah when we were together, you can imagine, he was so "in love" but now it has changed. I'm maybe putting too much thought into this. He most likely is just trying to keep in touch. Bitter pill to swallow but hopefully it will pass soon. I'll keep praying for everyone who is going through a tough time. At least we have the capacity to LOVE and have emotions & hopefully someday somebody will appreciate that. :love:

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