allieapplesauce Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So, I know no one knows what someone is really thinking, but it's also hard to tell what's going on when you're in the zone, and things look different from someone outside the box on in hindsight...so I'm interested in what anyone thinks about what's happened to see if this guy might be for real or just another tool.....thanks! So, I met this one on an online dating thing. He was like "you sound like a sweet heart. I look forward to checking my computer to see if you've responded." So, we met for coffee and really, right as I saw him, I had a pretty instant reaction to like "yeah, this is gonna work for me." Like there was this instant spark. Now I think I know what my friends meant when they'd asked about that spark before, and I'd never felt it. If I felt it, does that mean the other person did too? Usually when there's chemistry, can it be felt by just one person or does that usually mean both people feel it? Anyway, we talked and I had a good time. We'd planned to meet 2 days later than we really did originally, so I said, "well if you still want to meet thur as planned, let me know" So 2 days later he called and we went for some dinner. When we met he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Complimented me. Hug and small kiss ending. Sat he called me. And all this week, he's pretty much called me every day...which I've never had happen to me before. I sort of like it, but is that too much? I don't want to be available for him ALLL the time, but I don't want to play games and purposely not answer the phone, you know what I mean? But, I've just never had a guy call more than maybe once a week and usually they just text...so I don't know if this is normal or not. Well, he sent flowers to me at work after only meeting twice. He mentioned doing something for vday friday (since he works sat evenings) and we ended up going to one of those grown up chuck e cheese places, a bit of dinner before hand, and dessert and coffee after. during this night, he started telling me about his cousin was getting baptized, etc and then after that story invited me to come with him...which kind of scared me...I told him i woudl think about it...it seems a little to early for that? or no? I've never been introduced to a guys family before.... Also we took our pictures in one of thsoe machines that then print out a copy of your future kid...i'd told him how my work friends did that a few weeks ago and he was like we gotta do it and see what our kids will look like.... anyway, on the way back home he asked if i wanted to come back to his place....i was like, crap. but i asked what did you have in mind? i told him basically i wasn't going to do anything...and he said ok. so i did go back and stuff...well we had the tv on and it was on some channel with all music and so he was like you wanna dance, teasing... so we did for like 30 min it was real sweet! he was like sometimes my goofy ideas actually work out really well. he was real flirty like he was sorta slouched down more eye level caue he's taller and i mentioned it and he said he liked the view from here...stuff like that. he didnt like try anything but some kisses that night. we hung out a bit he was sweet and all complimentive that morning. then today which is the nxt day, i got a call from him around 11...we talked abit. joked around. i answered and he was like hey gorgous. he was going to his familys, but didnt ask me again. sorta glad he didnt but sorta wished he did, u know? but i mentioned when done, we could meet up and he did call later but said he was going to be wiht his family longer. so i was like ok. i don't realy know where to proceed from here? How available should i be? does he kinda seem for real, like guinine? the flowers, the calling, the dancing is a first for me...never ahs a guy done this so i'm not sure. i've been burned by guys saying one thing and then just up and leaving or not following through so i feel like every guy out there is going to do the same thing. i know it's not healthy. but i can't help but be afraid it'll happen again. any thoughts on what you would take from it please...i'm sure similar experiences have been had by others...
jerbear Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 In short I think you are doing fine. I think both of you on pushing things yet within the comfort zone and not pushing to hard.
confused_2008 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 See, this is one of those situations where the woman's interest level really defines the guys behavior. If you weren't interested in him, we'd have one of dreamergirl's threads where everybody's ripping on the guy for being too desperate, BUT, you seem pretty interested so everything's kosher. I say if you are enjoying your time and conversations with him, let things keep progressing. You'll just have to use your best judgment as far as if he's genuine, but he sounds like he is. They always say actions speak louder than words.
LeroyJose Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I believe you're feeling this way because you're not used to that kind of sweetness. Never happened to you before right? But I'm sure you'll get used to it as you hang out with him and it'll be your new standard for a guy. Guess you're doing fine, yeah, I mean he's just being sweet I guess.
bluehare07 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Ms. Allieapplesauce, If you're happy with what's he's showing you, then why'd you think of him as the bad guy? Use your girl instinct and you'll feel it. Based on your story, he sounds genuine to me..
dwightl Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Ms. Allieapplesauce, If you're happy with what's he's showing you, then why'd you think of him as the bad guy? Use your girl instinct and you'll feel it. Based on your story, he sounds genuine to me.. It's just normal for her to suspect I believe because she has never experienced this sweetness before. But, yeah, use your instinct. Usually it won't fail you. I'm speaking from my experience. But it doesn't mean that what works for me will work for you as well. We just have to hope for the best.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I met my beau's parents on our third date (date being a loose term since we're kinda LDR - two hours - and I was staying at his place for two days). And I had only really LIKED him a ton on our second date. LOL Don't get hung up on timelines. It hardly ever means anything. If it feels right, it feels right. If you're not ready, you're not ready. But don't wonder if other people would think it's weird - it's nobody's business but yours and his. It sounds to me like things are progressing fine. I don't agree with playing hard to get. If you like the guy and it's obvious he likes you (and is pursuing via phone calls, etc), then answer if you are available.
bluehare07 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I met my beau's parents on our third date (date being a loose term since we're kinda LDR - two hours - and I was staying at his place for two days). And I had only really LIKED him a ton on our second date. LOL Don't get hung up on timelines. It hardly ever means anything. If it feels right, it feels right. If you're not ready, you're not ready. But don't wonder if other people would think it's weird - it's nobody's business but yours and his. It sounds to me like things are progressing fine. I don't agree with playing hard to get. If you like the guy and it's obvious he likes you (and is pursuing via phone calls, etc), then answer if you are available. And that's the bottom line!
LeroyJose Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Sometimes playing "hard to get" can be risky.. you might loose a valuable guy. But playing "easy to get" may also do the same. I suggest that you strike a balance between the two.
dwightl Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 SoulSearch_CO has made a point there. It's just being true to ourselves I guess.
Author allieapplesauce Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks everyone! Yeah, I've not really had this kind of attention. Some texted only, and I'm not used to the daily calls. I guess my greatest fair is that I haven't really had a relationship more than 7 months and the last 3 have ended with them seeming like they were interested but then without any drama, everything was going great, they just DISAPPEARED! And I don't know why, except that they didn't like me. So I guess I see it as it could happen at any moment without any warning, so there's no sense of security. I'm on this roller coaster of finally feeling a little happy and getting over the last guys...and feeling giddy. It's great to look back on the last person who i was heartbroken over and feel like, ha, he wasn't so great, this guy is so so much everything better! This kid has already brought up trust in relationships a couple times in casual convo...which is good cause i agree with him. Before we met his profile mentioned wanting to start a family of his own one day. His old bro is married. he has a huge family. So, maybe that's a good sign? And I'm 99% sure this one isn't divorced or broken up from an engagement which should be favors for me. I kept ending up with ppl with that in their past. I think I'll take it cautiously but I definitely never play hard to get. I'm hoping that there's a different between the last guys where I slowly started liking them as our relatinship grew, but this one just like "bam" before there was even any spoken words in person... Thanks for everyone's advice.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 inviting you a family event is a no no that soon into the relationship. He sounds kind of desperate but you both like each other so what can you say really. If I were you I would not let yourself be that available to him all the time. Dont meet his family for at least another month or so and take things slow. Hope it works out.
LeroyJose Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Chris has a point here but it's you who can feel on whether it's gonna be alright. Sometimes we gotta take things slow. Yeah, seems like both of you are moving at a fast rate. If you're going to decline the invitation, make sure that you won't be misunderstood.
dwightl Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 just enjoy his sweetness he's showing you, hope he's your Mr. Right.
Author allieapplesauce Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 thanks. i havent met family yet. oh well he took me to a hockey game and i did meet his older brother briefly. handshake, nice to meet you kind of thing. informal. this was right before we left for the game. nothing big. i hope hes my mr. right. he's the first where i've thought "he could be it" but there are still some doubts tho i guess that's normal and just being nervous? i try not to be too available. no one can know the future. im worried he'll just up and leave like they all did even tho he is the first to talk about things and seem interested and call every day and stuff. should i continue to just let him call me every night? i sorta call but that's only been like 2-3 times and because i was like i'll call you in the morning and we'll set up time. or something. this stuff is so confuuuuuuusing!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 If he's calling YOU, just keep taking his calls. I don't see any harm in that.
Author allieapplesauce Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I hope he's my mr. right too. i feel like something has changed since this weekend tho and i'm starting to get anxious. i wanted to hold off but "it" happened. he said it was amazing and he also said he loved me. which caught me off guard. i nevr ahd anyone say it except like friends and parents you know. i didnt say it back. kind of b/c of the being thrown off guard and then it was like the moment was gone. i'm not sure how much of it i feel...tho i do have stronger feelings for him than anyone i ever dated. im not sure if part of it is me holding back cause im scared and that i just dont get major feelings instantly for everyone i meet, but there was the 'spark' and the 'he's the one' feeling right up front. should i tell him next time i see him or should i wait till he says it again? do you think it was something he said in the "moment" or that he really felt it? im scared that hte after sex part will now cause him to draw away, because its happened to me each time. it's bene like 2 months. weve gotten really close. there are talks fo the future and marriage like hes thought about it and seeing me be that person without coming right out and saying it. is this normal for me to feel you think? i knew things would change but i hope for the better. he knows this has cause me some angst and so i would hope he wont go and screw me over. i just read in Glamour mag that it says guys actually have a harder time letting go of a girl than girls do but i've always been told/heard just the opposite!!!!! and i've always been ditched by the guy so im not sure what to think! guys? opinion!?
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