Rangerrick Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I am a 51 year old male who has been greiving for 6 weeks. My girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me on New Years Day. She had been moody throughout the relationship, but she had a lot on her plate..lousy job, knee surgery, dealing with a brother with an addiction problem, to name just a few. Plus me. I guess I was a project. I always thought that if we could just get past the next hurdle, things would smooth out, but they didn't. And I did everything for her..gave her everything I could. It may seem odd that I could feel such emotion over a relationship that was so brief compared to others, but I had not been with anyone for almost 10 years until she asked me out. It was a stormy relationship. I never could do anything right. She would break up every three months, then we would get back. However I could never be allowed to feel comfortable because I always felt I was constantly being evaluated. Her final job performance appraisal come on January 1st 2009. I don't want to go back to the solitary life I had, but I also feel this was my last shot at happiness. I'm middle aged, don't have a lot of money, live off the grid at my place on the lake. I've been in councilling and have been told I have been in an abusive relationship. So why would I go back with her in a heartbeat?
wizer Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I've been in councilling and have been told I have been in an abusive relationship. So why would I go back with her in a heartbeat? You were in an abusive relationship and you didn't know it? Were you the abuser or the abusee? As far as your latest situation. It didn't sound too healthy with all the off and on. Sure half a loaf is better than none..but not much better. You need to pick yourself up off the carpet and get out there. Next time don't wait for her to ask YOU out. Or else you might just not find another one.
Author Rangerrick Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 I guess I was the victim of the abuse in the relationship. It was all verbal and emotional. I never could seem to do anything right. However I put up with it because she was always having a crisis in her life and I was always trying to be patient with her. In the end, all the understanding and patience in the world couldn't please her. What's the old saying.."nice guys finish last."
DSM-IV Tom Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 It's simple why you'd go back to her. Few reasons. Firstly, the fact you were abused, has belittled you to yourself. You now feel you can't do much better. So you want her back. Secondly, due to her abuse, it made her seem somewhat superior in your eyes most likely. (Subconsciously). So you see her as a trophy female deep down. (Although not consciously). Lastly, you have stated you're middled aged and don't think you could do better/find anyone else? That is reinforced by everything else I have mentioned. Or everything else I have mentioned, reinforces this. You can do better, are you crazy? You can find a new girlfriend today if you really wanted to. Don't sell yourself short.
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