sarahcox Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Ok, so I broke things off this morning and I have spent the whole day crying and crying and well, crying... I am now panicking - as in anxiety attck type of panic - because my head is telling me I made a very big, very stupid mistake but caling it quits! What DID I DO! I love him and I want to be a part of his life; now I will not even see him for the briefest of moments again... PLEASE TELL ME I DID THE RIGHT THING OR HOW TO FIX THIS IF I DID THE WRONG THING!?!? Please, someone help!! He received my letter and has not said ANYTHING, not ok or fine or why or anything!! What now!? Thanks all xx
bentnotbroken Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Ok, so I broke things off this morning and I have spent the whole day crying and crying and well, crying... I am now panicking - as in anxiety attck type of panic - because my head is telling me I made a very big, very stupid mistake but caling it quits! What DID I DO! I love him and I want to be a part of his life; now I will not even see him for the briefest of moments again... PLEASE TELL ME I DID THE RIGHT THING OR HOW TO FIX THIS IF I DID THE WRONG THING!?!? Please, someone help!! He received my letter and has not said ANYTHING, not ok or fine or why or anything!! What now!? Thanks all xx You did the wrong thing when you became the ow, now you might be headed in the right direction so why would you second guess doing something right?
awkward Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 If it is this hard now, think about how hard it would be in a year from now ... two years, etc. You did the right thing. Do not call him. Keep posting here. Why do you think he didn't say ANYTHING? Did he read it in front of you? Remember this because he will come back to you, if he is NOT involved with his wife and they are truly separated, then there shouldn't be any problem with the two of you speaking. Is stolen moments worth it? Maybe you weren't looking for the real thing when you began your search, but now it seems you want the happy ending. That doesn't always happen with a married man. Your friend is an idiot. Change your profile and look for available men that can treat you as you deserve to be treated. There are single men available that can make you feel special. At least you still have your dignity in tact, respect. Later, that will be more important to you.
Spinning Head Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I realize it is difficult at this point, however, you did the right thing. Believe me! Stay strong! You do not need to devote any more of your life and time to MM. I do not believe for one minute that his marriage is what he claims. Hang in there! Take slow deep breaths. Be grateful that it is ending now.
stampdaddy Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I knew I should have posted to you this morning when I read your "I called it quits" post.. I was gonna tell you that you would be back here in a matter of moments with the "panic" that you are feeling.. I didnt expect it SO soon, but thought it would be later today or definately tomorrow... I (and a bunch of us here) know EXACTLY how you are feeling. The panic, that "what is he doing? What is he thinking?" etc.. LISTEN TO ME! focus, focus, focus on continuing to walk away. Make that your ONLY focus. Be proud of yourself for EVERY step you take forward. Don't make this about him. Make it about YOU. Dont worry about him. Worry about YOU. For over 4 1/2 years I was in your shoes. And now that I look back, it was just short of HELL. Every weekend, every holiday, every summer vacation, all of the NC's and I STILL panic and my life is changed forever because of it. But what is different now is that I am doing what I have told you to do, I am walking forward with MY life and I am winning this battle. YOU, now you have to start somewhere, and let that be NOW. IT WILL NOT CHANGE, I and everyone here will promise you that. Another promise is that yes, he has your letter, and HE WILL CONTACT YOU AGAIN AND GET YOU SUCKED BACK IN!!!! IT WILL HAPPEN! please, we all beg you, don't fall back into it, because YOU WILL GET HURT, a hurt that you can never imagine...
Mr. Lucky Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 He received my letter and has not said ANYTHING Doesn't that tell you something? If he really cared about you (and not just what you can offer him), he'd be concerned about your well being. Look at it this way - if his wife had sent him a similar letter, would contact her to discuss it ??? Mr. Lucky
gopher Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 You did the right thing, and you'll have to grieve that part of your life before you can completely move on. Just don't go back to being in contact with him, because you know it's just going to be more of the same.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 You did the right thing so whatever you do, don't go backwards and call/email/text him. You are going to hurt for a while, and that's okay..Ride out the pain, reach out to friends and family, and also post here. Don't let crying and anxiety/panic attacks make you feel like you've done the wrong thing - You loved this man, but it was time to let him go.. This pain you're feeling WILL get better and you WILL heal, just take it one day (or one hour) at a time.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 He received my letter and has not said ANYTHING If you asked him to stay away in your letter, then this what he's doing. Staying away.. He's respecting you decision for ending it and he probably knows this is for the best, not only for you, but for him and his marriage.
Author sarahcox Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 So he sends me a text before bed last night - after ignoring me that WHOLE f*ing day saying, "Sleep well my love. PS I got your letter and we'll talk tomorrow" ..WTF!? And the most pathetic thing is, I was just so so happy that he sent something. What has happened to me! How am I going to be strong enough to decline when he wants to see me today to talk!? Should I listen to what he has to say or should I just keep NC?! Oh boy, this might drive me round the bend
stampdaddy Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So he sends me a text before bed last night - after ignoring me that WHOLE f*ing day saying, "Sleep well my love. PS I got your letter and we'll talk tomorrow" ..WTF!? And the most pathetic thing is, I was just so so happy that he sent something. What has happened to me! How am I going to be strong enough to decline when he wants to see me today to talk!? Should I listen to what he has to say or should I just keep NC?! Oh boy, this might drive me round the bend you "know" the answer to your question
norajane Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So he sends me a text before bed last night - after ignoring me that WHOLE f*ing day saying, "Sleep well my love. PS I got your letter and we'll talk tomorrow" ..WTF!? Sounds like he's super-confident that he can lie his way back into your bed and sweet talk all your pain away. By ignoring you, he had you on pins and needles all day, thinking about him, second-guessing yourself, wondering if you did the right thing. Now, all he has to do is treat you like a child (there, there, I really do love you so dry your silly tears and stop worrying) and you'll be back in the palm of his hand. He's sure he's got you twisted around his little finger. That's why he's not the least bit concerned about what you actually said in your letter. He's sure you don't really mean it and won't stick to it.
Author sarahcox Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Oh and now it says: "You are too much of a realist my love. Some times one just has to close your eyes and let life lead you where it needs to without asking too many questions" ...hmmm I think you're right - he is just oh so confident that I am just gonna come back running when he says all the right things...I'm now swopping my sim cards on my cell and I have cancelled my email address we use for comms... Hold thumbs guys and please keep me in your thoughts xx
bentnotbroken Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Oh and now it says: "You are too much of a realist my love. Some times one just has to close your eyes and let life lead you where it needs to without asking too many questions" ...hmmm I think you're right - he is just oh so confident that I am just gonna come back running when he says all the right things...I'm now swopping my sim cards on my cell and I have cancelled my email address we use for comms... Hold thumbs guys and please keep me in your thoughts xx You don't need thoughts, you need prayers for strength and clarity.
jj33 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Keep strong. He actually has the balls to tell you you are too much of a realist? Hes saying yes you are absolutely 100% right. But just ignore that because it suits me... OK? No you dont have to take you where life leads you. If you see a train rushing towards you, and he says its ok stand on the track, sometimes you have to take you where life leads you, into a fatal crash... would you go? Who is he? An emotional equivalent of Jim Jones? Just close your eyes and drink the koolaid... (im dating myself here - the Jonestown massacre....) No effing way. Good for you for switching SIM cards. The hurt will heal in time.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 "Sleep well my love. PS I got your letter and we'll talk tomorrow" He is sweeping it under the rug and it's like he's going to pat you on the head and say "there, there little one, all is going to be okay..." How does it make you feel that he's TOTALLY dismissed you? I hope you're pissed enough and you ignore him when he tries to contact you again. "You are too much of a realist my love. Some times one just has to close your eyes and let life lead you where it needs to without asking too many questions" This is HIS way of letting you know that he CAN and WILL try to manipulate you, because he thinks you're weak and won't be able to function without him in your life. He wants to be in control and you standing up to him and saying ENOUGH and walk away has made him pull out the manipulation card - Not malciously, but selfishly. The point is, he isn't ending his marriage or walking away from his wife..He just wants you as the OW. Don't fall for it and don't settle to be second fiddle in his life. Stay strong and IGNORE him. Put his email address on block so he can't contact you.
jasminetea Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I think you're right - he is just oh so confident that I am just gonna come back running when he says all the right things...I'm now swopping my sim cards on my cell and I have cancelled my email address we use for comms Changing your sim card and cancelling your email address are excellent moves. Well done! Keep strong, NC all the way now
2sure Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Too Much of a Realist??? To be honest, thats just FUNNY. Think about it. For you not to be a realist - you would have to be delusional by any definition. Of course there is no reply to that but if you did...as a realist, you would have to say: Realists dont get medication. Delusional DO. My Darling, see a doctor.
Author sarahcox Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 He has officially chosen his wife and sick twisted seperated lifestyle "for the sake of his child"... God this hurts so so much, I don't know how I am going to do this....
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Keep posting here, reach out to your family and friends..And if you find you're heading into a depression, don't be afraid to go talk to a therapist to help you cope with your pain and heartache. He chose his wife and child, but you also chose to end this - As painful as this situation is, it's for the best.. You don't want to be his OW for many years..You deserve so much better than what he's offered you.
2sunny Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 He has officially chosen his wife and sick twisted seperated lifestyle "for the sake of his child"... God this hurts so so much, I don't know how I am going to do this.... honey, he's chosen that all along. every time he went home he chose them. he had no intention of leaving them - he just wanted you hanging around for the extra fun he was looking for. IF you choose to keep in touch with him, it would only be for him to stroke his ego and to cause you more pain. does that sound like fun to you?
MichelleS1983 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 What a tool. Being a 'realist' does him no good. He'd rather you live in la-la land so you can continue ehancing his life. He's a complete tool.
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