blue_butterfly71 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 My story started 2 years ago. I met him accidentally online. He was on the other side of the world. We became friends and after few months we fell in love. Our love was built in Honesty, Trust, Faith and Hope that someday we will find a way to be together and have forever When we had the relationship even from the very start we have been honest with the situations we were into. He was still married but separated, but still he was living under the same roof but different bedrooms. It was a mutual agreement they had since he wasn’t financially stable to pay for alimony and child support. And also for the sake of their 7 years old son. They agreed they will stay under the same roof till he could find better job so he could afford the alimony and child support. The big problem with the situation he was into was the girl doesn’t know anything, she relies so much in him in anything, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t do any house chores, she doesn’t go out of the house, and all she does was hang out on the computer. It was a weird situation. She was the one who initiated the separation coz she had a BF online by that time. They have been opened with each other including about the relationship they have with me and the BF the girl has. So meaning both of them has online relationship. Everything went ok with them and my relationship with him. I understand the situation he was into. I’ve been very understanding because I love him. Then after 6 months things went fast and I was able to move on his part of the world. I moved to Canada which was just 8 hours from the states where he was. We thought it was destined to happen coz I wasn’t expecting I’d be able to move, so we planned that he’ll move with me. But we knew it would take few more years before we can do it. But that was ok. He visited me in Canada and that was our first meeting. We were so excited about the meeting because we knew that meeting could change everything. We would know if our love is for real or not. We met December of 2007 and the first time we saw each other we knew that our love was for real. Things went ok. He visited me every 4 months. We fell more deeply in love, there were ups and downs but we were able to get through it. I thought our love was that strong. Then it was almost 2 years and we had a big fight last December of 2008. I felt there was something wrong. Women’s instinct I would say. I asked him if there was something wrong, honestly I got impatient too of our situation because it’s been 2 years and everything was still the same. One night he initiated a talk. He told me cant move with me anymore that he cant leave his son coz the kid cant do without him thinking the mother wasn’t capable of raising the kid alone so it was troubling him. And I can’t move yet to the states for work reasons. So that night I was in shock coz suddenly he broke up with me. I felt that there was something more why he broke up with me. He told me he still loves me and he was confused and torn between his son and me. I said many times I am willing to wait till everything are set in place. But he was firm with the decision. It wasn’t him that night. He was so different. After the break up my friend talked to him and my friend got what was troubling him. He said that the wife (wife ended her online relationship few months ago) threatened him that if he’d continue his relationship with me she’d leave the house and bring the kid with her. My BF was into a very hard situation his love for his son and his love for me. And financially he wasn’t stable to pay for alimony and child support. And that scares him. That’s why he chose to end the relationship with me and sacrifice his own happiness and love for me just for the sake of his son and considering the girl threatened him. He knows I am in deep pain; he kept in touch with me, making sure I am ok. He said he dont want to completely loose me. And he want a friendship with me. I almost killed myself coz I felt I died from the moment everything ended. When he heard what I am going through he said we need to talk. We plan to talk. Not sure where the talk would lead us. Is being friends possible? Is there anyone there who could give advice? I am very much in deep pain coz I believed in Forever and that we could make through all the trials...but now I don’t know if it’s all gone.
Geishawhelk Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 On the face of it I would say I'm a bit suspicious. It looks as if he has no intention of actually divorcing his wife. Have you ever met him face-to-face...? Who's told you everything about his situation? How have you been able to verify everything he has told you - how do you know for sure, that it's true? You see, the thing is, matters regarding custody and access to children vary of course, but the Law is quite strong on access and being able to see the children. I just think something here doesn't ring true. I find it hard to believe he sleeps in a different room, and unless they're aiming to salvage their relationship, then I can't see him giving way to her threats, especially after her indiscretions as well... I'm not wholly convinced by his words.....
Author blue_butterfly71 Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 I know no one would ever believed it. But i do. We talk every night before going to bed. I can call him anytime during the night and early mornings. I called their home phone, even sometimes the girl would answer or the son would answer the phone. Everytime he visits me he send email to the girl just to give my number on how to reach him in case of emergency. And a lot of proof the they no longer together as husband and wife. We have facebook account and we are in relationship their. His friends would see his status and co workers and family knows. Thanks for taking time reading my post I appreciate it.
Geishawhelk Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 In that case, advise him to file for divorce and joint custody. Whilst his son's welfare is with the courts, his wife can do nothing. There ia ALWAYS something that can be done. Essentially, if she is blackmailing him with his son, he has a redress and course of action to follow. He sounds like a spineless wimp if after all this time, he's prepared to lie down and let her walk all over him. If they're separated, she has no right to demand he give you up - Unless it's a move toward reconciling. And he'd have to agree to that. It sound to me as if he has.....
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