I survived V-Day

[Juno]

Yesterday was the darkest day. I cried uncontrolably constantly throughout the day. Never once leaving my room for anything other than a bathroom break. Glued to my laptop in hopes of an email or instant message from him. It never came.

 

Today the sadness and total disspear is still present, but I will not incarcerate myself.

 

Please someone, tell me how to cope.

 

I'm going for a walk now......

[Ronni_W]

Congrats, Juno! You DID cope...that's exactly how to do it...one just does whatever one needs to do, to make it to the next day, and the next week.

Walking is an excellent coping strategy...and can be therapeutic, as well, when we stop to appreciate whatever it is that we enjoy/like that we encounter.

 

That link I gave yesterday also focuses on things we can do to get through our worst moments. Hopefully you'll find something useful there, too.

 

Again. Congrats on getting through yesterday...and all the best for your 'todays' and 'tomorrows', too. Hugs.

[theotherwoman100]

First whatever has you not leaving your room and crying on VD cannot be that bad to riun your life. What you need to do is find all of the positives in your life. Trust me, there are some. Did you wake up this morning? Do you a life ending cancer? Did you lose a child? Did you find out this morning that your leggs where taken from you in the middle of the night? A broken heart which is what I think you are refering too, is painful but only to the degree that you allow yourself to feel. My husband was killed in a car accident when I was three months pregnant, we were only married for 7 months at the time. Want to see pain but let me tell you...find the positives, smile, live with no regret, move forward. xoxo

[Juno]

Thank you Ronni_W and theotherwoman100

 

I so appreciate your comments. As I mentioned...yesterday was dark...today, not as.

 

Not only am I heartbroken, but I am extremely ashamed at the way I have dealt with this pain. It seems I am in a bottomless pit and can not climb my way out.

 

I know now that any hopes of us getting back together is forever gone. I have proven myself to be a complete whack case by the messages I have left him via voice and text. There can be no redemption...yet another reason for my sorrow.

 

To theotherwoman100, please let me say specifically to you that I am so sorry for your lost. I'm sure what I am going thru pales in comparision. Coming from you "it gets better" after your life altering event gives me hope that I will overcome this. Mucho hugs to you.

[redmelon]

I think you are doing just fine. I am proud of you for getting out for a walk today, that's great! One day at a time, my friend, one foot in front of the other. Just remember to be kind to yourself, eat, bathe, etc. Let me know how your walk was, and if you feel even a little bit better after getting some blood flow going!

[Ronni_W]

Juno, we ALL have the potential to ACT LIKE "whack cases" when we are in pain and grief, and feeling disappointed. (You only ACTED LIKE that...it doesn't mean that you ARE that.)

 

I understand what you're feeling but the fact of it is that there really is no requirement to feel guilty or ashamed just because you didn't have more effective coping skills at your disposal.

 

You can also feel proud because you reached out for help, and you got yourself through a very dark and hopeless-looking day, and you are in process of learning a lot about yourself AND ALSO acquiring 'new and improved' coping skills.

 

You can also celebrate that YOU ARE MAKING THE EFFORTS AND ACHIEVING YOUR GOAL of getting out of that seemingly bottomless pit. (It isn't that, it just seems that way right now.)

 

Focusing on what you have already accomplished and the positive things you intend to achieve in the future is ANOTHER effective coping skill that you are learning.

 

So. That's even MORE for which you can feel properly proud of yourself

[theotherwoman100]

Thank you Ronni_W and theotherwoman100

 

I so appreciate your comments. As I mentioned...yesterday was dark...today, not as.

 

Not only am I heartbroken, but I am extremely ashamed at the way I have dealt with this pain. It seems I am in a bottomless pit and can not climb my way out.

 

I know now that any hopes of us getting back together is forever gone. I have proven myself to be a complete whack case by the messages I have left him via voice and text. There can be no redemption...yet another reason for my sorrow.

 

To theotherwoman100, please let me say specifically to you that I am so sorry for your lost. I'm sure what I am going thru pales in comparision. Coming from you "it gets better" after your life altering event gives me hope that I will overcome this. Mucho hugs to you.

 

Your Welcome! I really mean it when I tell you it will get better, changing attitude is the first thing. I appreciate everything about life and those that are it in. I never thought I could love again but I met another man and we were just married three weeks ago. He was also a widow in his thirties (wife died of breast cancer) between the two of us, we have six children. Life is wonderful and we are blessed for the time we are given. Maybe I was in denial and thats howed I coped, but find your strength and smile for you are worth so much more than "him". xoxo

[Juno]

I think you are doing just fine. I am proud of you for getting out for a walk today, that's great! One day at a time, my friend, one foot in front of the other. Just remember to be kind to yourself, eat, bathe, etc. Let me know how your walk was, and if you feel even a little bit better after getting some blood flow going!

 

My walk was OK. At times I reflected back on the walks he and I shared. Nevertheless, I did it. Now on to my next feat...a shower and lunch...what a luxury.

 

Hugs to you too redmelon.

[Juno]

I've been strong for the better part of the day. As dusk turns to night, I'm feeling so all alone. Our routine of settling in for the night with a good book, movie, beer/wine and lite conversation...no more.

 

The pain has resurfaced with a vengence. No one cared to check in on me today. Solitude. The only thing I can do to make it to the next day is sleep.

 

I love him so much. I miss him dearly. He was someone I never expected to care for in this way, which makes my emotions all the more genuine.

 

Enough coping for the day for me. I don't want to do it anymore.

What is the use. The void remains. I need to sleep, deeply and soundly, and maybe try again tomorrow.

[redmelon]

I know there is a lot of time to fill that was previously spent with your ex. I feel the same way. I am watching movies and making sure I eat and keeping up on the laundry, and trying to plan being social in some way, even if I have a terrible time, at least once a week. I am reading a few books. Maybe you can go to the library and get something that will interest and distract you. I am thinking about going to take a meditation class this week. Can;t do any harm, and it's free. Think they have anything like that where you are? I hear it really helps to be able to clear the mind and just BE. I have lots of pills laying around too, for anxiety, to help sleep, etc. I am not going to let someone else's idiocy make me into a zombie, and I hope you will do the same. Doping yourself is just prolonging this process, and I promise you, IT WILL GET BETTER. You've made progress already, don't you see that? I don't feel 100%, but I do feel a whole lot better than I did those first few weeks, and I know it's because I want to feel better and am working hard at it every day. If I can do it, you can too!

[peteyj]

Sometimes it is what it is. At least you didn't spend V-day in a 10X10 room with about 25 other people.