Hornet18 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I'm currently a college student in my senior year. I did all the college things with partying, greek life, seeing people casually, etc. Casual relationships and partying were always easy since they were all fun and little worry or attachment. I wouldn't have done any of that differently. Last year I met someone who threw a big wrench into all of that. She was an ugly girl and not someone I would look twice at walking around on campus. I met her at a function where she tailed me like an awkward puppy and was obviously enamored with me. I wanted nothing to do with her but in humoring her a little that day I noticed something I liked that I couldn't explain and decided to begin seeing her. We saw each other for three of the best weeks I had ever had until she stunned me with no longer wanting to see each other. It made no sense but given the short time frame that I had known her I decided to just let it go and pretend it was no big deal. I also knew somehow in my heart that we'd try again later. We regained contact this past fall semester after she was studying abroad by talking online, sometimes talking absurd amounts of time. Things shot off again and when she returned we began to see each other again. Three weeks later, the same result. She shows up at my place one night to tell me that she's sorry and wanted it but just didn't "feel" it with me despite me being "perfect". I more or less pleaded this time and resorted to some sad behavior trying to find any feeling out of her but she was cold, firm, and had obviously made up her mind. It's been a month and I'm still downright stunned and hurt. I never told her but I was ready to give up a lifelong dream of being a fighter pilot to explore the possibility of being with her (Didn't seem appropriate to share). I applied to law school and got accepted close by (I was applying to do law anyways). I now find myself with the burning desire and pursuing that dream now that I have no holdup (I'm mostly through the aviation selection process with the Marine Corps and it looks VERY good). The bad thing is that while I'm happy to seemingly have the world entirely before me with some great options I can't get over how bad I feel when I wake up everyday. Also, with Valentine's Day the past few days have been brutal and I've seen a relapse after I was getting better. I need to have my head on straight given the things I'm trying to do. Externally I've told her that we cannot be friends and have maintained no contact since it happened, deleted her #, defriended her on facebook today, and have been busting my ass w.marines/law school stuff to keep busy. Internally I'm a mess and just want to wake up one day without feeling awful. I've been doing everything right but I just feel off. Does anyone have suggestions to help the soul heal faster? Sorry for the novel..and this was the short version...
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