Parents! My am concerned about my friend and his child - do I say something?

[lofi_tokyo]

Hi there! I really hope this is the right forum to be posting this topic on, but hopefully its all good.

 

I'm 20 years old, and I really don't have any knowledge about what is good parenting and what is irresponsible behavior for a parent, so I'm wondering if I'm just being a bit too worried about my friend.

 

He is also 20, and a few months ago, him and his ex-fiance split up. They have a 6 month old child together, and because they are no longer together, they alternate days that they take care of their child. I do not know my friend's ex-fiance.

 

My friend, while dating his fiance, seemed to be a pretty responsible guy, though admittedly, I've only really started to get to know him since hes break up with the ex.

 

My concerns are this:

He goes out drinking Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. He spends at least 100$ on alcohol each of those nights, and last night (friday) he spent 350$ on alcohol. Okay. He always drives home drunk. On thursday night I happened to be online when he came home, and he told me he was about to throw up he was so drunk, and that he had driven home (as usual). I live near the bars he drinks at, so I've offered him my guest room if hes ever been drinking as an alternative to driving home, but apprently he doesn't care all too much about driving home drunk. Meanwhile his son was at home being taken care of by grandmother who waited up until 5am for him to come home.

 

When I first started talking to him, and barely knew him, he asked me to babysit his baby one day. I agreed because he seemed to be in a bind about finding a sitter, but it seemed a bit strange - I was basically a stranger to him at the time. When he dropped off his child he just handed me the baby (keep in mind I'm only 20 and have little to no experience with infants), and told me he had been fed and changed, gave me his supplies, and ran off.

 

 

This is getting long, so I'll stop rambling now but its just...

Is he being a bad dad? Should I be sitting this man down and talking to him seriously? Does this behaviour warrent contacting his ex-fiance?

 

I realize his child is only a baby now - but if he grows up with a dad that is never home because he's out drinking, isn't that a problem?

 

Maybe its not my place to step in. If I've offended anyone here in any way by sounding judgemental of my friends actions, I am sorry, and thats why I'm here for advice... I don't have a child, so I am not sure what kind of behaviour as a parent is okay. ;p

 

***

Also the title of my post isnt supposed to say "my" its supposed to say "I" sorry for the typo.

[Mary3]

Listen your friend is a kid with a kid !

 

The VERY scariest thing he DID was hand his 6 month old baby over to a man ( you could have been a child molester or worse ) , and you know nothing about infants or how to care for the child. Not saying at all that you are....but the * what if's * play here and shake some fear into most...

 

The SADDEST thing is your friend is an alcoholic and is spending tremendous amounts of money on alchohol when he could go to the drug store and buy a 12 pack and kill himself early that way.

 

Be that as it may ,where is this baby's mom ??

 

Your friend is skirting on child neglect or endangerment by leaving his baby on a whim , in a flash with a diaper bag and a pair of feet that want to run back the bars...

 

I feel very very sad for the baby. His dad isnt even around.

 

Your friend needs Rehab. ASAP. Before he needs a drink and drops him off at a abusers home.

 

Or maybe he wants to prop the kid up in an infant seat on a bar stool ?

[MindoverMatter]

To answer your question: yes, he is a bad dad.

 

I'd suggest meeting with the grandmother and talking to her about the options for an intervention. If possible, also get the ex fiance on board.

[MotherGooze]

To answer your question: yes, he is a bad dad.

 

I'd suggest meeting with the grandmother and talking to her about the options for an intervention. If possible, also get the ex fiance on board.

 

But before doing that I would suggest talking to him first.

 

Maybe he doesn't even realise what he's doing because of the alcohol. And maybe he needs someone to tell him. I know when people are addicted they can be blinded. If he loves his child, he'll listen to what you have to say and maybe come to a solution himself.