Author ruggy Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 She called yesterday and left a VM saying she wants to meet to give back my DVD. I'm lost. Did I date a nut case?
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 She called yesterday and left a VM saying she wants to meet to give back my DVD. I'm lost. Did I date a nut case? Keep it short and simple: 'You can keep it! Goodbye!" LMAO:D:lmao: Ruggy there's no need to talk to this woman she has issues no doubt but she wont face them or cant, so that shouldnt be your problem. Go get some other tail. stop wasting time using energy on this useless woman.
Author ruggy Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Did not respond yet. Doubt she's up. Wasn't planning on calling her back. Thought, over the next few days, she'll get the message. I think I am realizing it now. Weird people I attract.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 You and me both ruggy, new york has been crazy in the dating climate, if she aint gay, bi-sexual, bi-polar got 8 kids by 8 different guys. Then it's something worse!!! LMAO.
northstar1 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I wouldn't be angry, and this is why.. Yes, you wasted time, feelings, energy, and money. But who knows what type of hurt this woman might be living through? You would be surprised as to how hurt and empty many of these women are whom always "act busy". She might have been abused, beat, molested, been abandoned, etc. I met many women like this, from all walks of life. yes, she might just seem evil, but who really knows what is behind all of that? Perhaps she is just emotionally unavailable? She might never be able to have a relationship with anyone. I woulds say she was just "not attracted", but it is strange to go on 7 dates with someone to figure that out. Normal women would know after 1 or 2. Yes, you could have played a bit more hard to get etc. But sooner or later she would have ran. Just be happy it is over. This is very true man very true. I've experienced this with dating lately as well - women who seem like it's a privillige to squeeze you into their 'busy busy' lives. It's like they are trying to be a character on Sex and the City. And I agree, why would it take 6 or 7 dates to figure out the attraction thing, I mean, I know myself after at most 2 dates, whether there is going to be chemistry. It could be she's just not available mentally,or has a lot of crap going on and doesn't know WHAT she wants. Or, like many, she's holding out for "Mr. Perfect"........in which case she will end waiting a long time. At this point, cut your losses, dont' reply anymore, and just move on - you don't need this type of drama/frustration.
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 She called yesterday and left a VM saying she wants to meet to give back my DVD. I'm lost. Did I date a nut case? You mean the DVD that you have mentioned throughout this thread ? If you made such a big deal over a DVD on an internet forum I would hate to see how much stink you actually caused with her over the DVD.. of course she wants to get it back to you.. NOW.. after all the stink you made over it.. My post from last week was this.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2046530#post2046530 I'm not trying to be mean dude but trying to keep it real..Trying to show you how your actions have caused you much of this pain and dragging it out..
BCCA Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 'Its not you, its me' is a total BS line used in place of being honest. Its almost certainly you, and if she met someone she liked better, she would definitely date them. Often times, this line is used to try and make you believe that someone 'just isnt ready for dating' but the truth is they're just not that into you, and dont even feel obligated enough to give you the actual reason. A word to the wise, sometimes things are easier to replace than to get back. Seriously, people let TV's/furniture/jewelry go, and youre worrying about a $10 DVD? Buy another one. It also makes you look kind of petty to make a stink about something so cheap and replacable.
Author ruggy Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Art/BCCA, do you not READ the posts clearly. She was supposed to send the DVD back to me. Now, she wants to meet me in person to hand the DVD to me. You do not see the difference? The woman is a whack job. I finally noticed that. Its seems some days she's hot, then cold, then hot again. Weird.
fishtaco Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Art/BCCA, do you not READ the posts clearly. She was supposed to send the DVD back to me. Now, she wants to meet me in person to hand the DVD to me. You do not see the difference? The woman is a whack job. I finally noticed that. Its seems some days she's hot, then cold, then hot again. Weird. Meh, typical. It's not you that attract psycho women, it's that most women are psycho. If you find one that's not, keep her. If she's not interested in you or you're not attracted to her, keep her as a friend. It's a RARE quality.
BCCA Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Art/BCCA, do you not READ the posts clearly. She was supposed to send the DVD back to me. Now, she wants to meet me in person to hand the DVD to me. You do not see the difference? The woman is a whack job. I finally noticed that. Its seems some days she's hot, then cold, then hot again. Weird. I dont see the difference being enough to consider her a whack job. Perhaps she doesnt want to deal with packing and mailing it over to you, seeing as it was only $10, and she just wants to hand it to you so you dont say you never got it and call again. I still dont understand why you made a point to get back a $10 DVD, why not just let it go. it's that most women are psycho I think most PEOPLE are just selfish, and dont think about how what they do effects others. Fingers could be pointed at men just as easy as at women.
fishtaco Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think most PEOPLE are just selfish, and dont think about how what they do effects others. Fingers could be pointed at men just as easy as at women. Absolutely. 90% of the people out there are simply not date-able, men or women. That's just how it is. Hence I don't understand the belief that some people have against casual dating. That's how you filter out the crap. Not saying that belief is wrong, there is no wrong, it's just personally I don't understand how one can make it work unless they're extremely lucky.
BCCA Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Absolutely. 90% of the people out there are simply not date-able, men or women. That's just how it is. Hence I don't understand the belief that some people have against casual dating. That's how you filter out the crap. Not saying that belief is wrong, there is no wrong, it's just personally I don't understand how one can make it work unless they're extremely lucky. I think people get caught up in the idea of waking up in a John Cusak movie, and everything just going perfectly from the begining without anyone wondering. Its one of those things that you get over after a while, but initially, most people get the idea that dating around means you dont really like anyone of the people youre seeing. And stupid movies like 'hes just not that into you' only further perpetuate this feeling.
calazhage Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Well during casual dating many people are good actors and actresses. You do not see their intimacy issues, or possessiveness, or jealousy, etc until in a relationship, or after sleeping together.
fishtaco Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think people get caught up in the idea of waking up in a John Cusak movie, and everything just going perfectly from the begining without anyone wondering. Its one of those things that you get over after a while, but initially, most people get the idea that dating around means you dont really like anyone of the people youre seeing. And stupid movies like 'hes just not that into you' only further perpetuate this feeling. Yeah, some people don't realize fiction is just that, fiction. Although John Cusack is an excellent actor. Well during casual dating many people are good actors and actresses. You do not see their intimacy issues, or possessiveness, or jealousy, etc until in a relationship, or after sleeping together. So sounds like the solution would be to casual date for a long time, and sleep together, before you commit to a serious relationship.
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 So she sent the movie in the mail back to me. Put in the card warmly wishing you well. As soon as I get over her something just brings her back in my mind. Oh geez.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Women are masters at this. Don't even try to figure it out. It'd be easier to kill yourself
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Women are masters at this. Don't even try to figure it out. It'd be easier to kill yourself Never considered that. But I do find I am more numb on other women I date. Not completely there, at least emotionally. I guess like a protection mechanism. When I tell you I fell for this one, I can say more than my first love. Ironically, I kissed her several times, but hardly talked to her. This one, I have not kissed and we talk constantly. Whats even more, she calls me, I do not call her. When she forgets to call she apologies. Weird. I am thinking, maybe, the reason why I have not really made an effort to go in for the kiss is I do not want to be hurt again. I do know, if this one ever contacted me, I would not revisit it, as much as that would hurt. However, what is really strange, is she recently moved and included her new address as the from address. And, why, if we had a bad break, include a letter? I thought she was kidding about the ADD. Maybe not. Now I am really confused. On this one, the new one, and the other one I also attempted to contact.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 TBH, I've now forgotten what the thread covered, but I will impart this bit of experience, if you wish to have a successful relationship. 1. You cannot control her or her feelings or actions. Accept that. 2. Be willing and able to be hurt. 3. Always express your feelings of attraction. Hold her when you want. Kiss her when you want. Yes, she may refuse you or reject you. Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you will go on. Smile. This is key to what I've learned with experience. What do YOU want right now?
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 All true in everything you stated. I guess to feel that same attraction and connection with that woman with the one I am seeing now. Though, a bit secretive, she is a good person. I am attracted to her. I do find her very intelligent and able to hold a conversation with. Am I head over feet with her, no. Then again, back in December, I was not head over feet with this last one either. I guess I am looking for clarity. In theory, if you compare me to her, or her to me, we are very much the same. She is, believe it or not, more held back than I am. That is probably why I do not know where I stand. I also have a trust thing so I do not reveal too much. I told almost everything to the last one, and look where that got me. Shot down hard. Funny thing is I KNOW she has not found her dream match yet. Still looking since the last time we held a convo. Albeit via txt message no less. I guess I was blinded by the light. Not sure what I did last time to turn her off to me, so not sure what I cannot do in preventing that to happen again. I guess I would like to be able to stop thinking about her completely and be more connected with this one. Just incase Saturday does not work out, I have also started to talk to another woman. She is drop dead gorgeous and extremely smart too. Only one problem. I put her on the back burner. Spoke to her on IM last week but did not call her until today. I might of sabotaged that one too. As you can see, I am hitting aces on all cylinders. LOL
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Well, considering where you live, just the fact that you have good prospects makes you a god I've spent a lot of time on attraction of late, and the different avenues. In the long run, if you want to be with someone for a long time, attraction is an important small part of the overall package. It should be there, a little itch that needs scratching, but I have to say it is all the "other stuff" which makes for a healthy and satisfying relationship. In the end, when all the other stuff has departed and that little itch is the only thing still there, it's almost overlooked in it's insignificance. I was talking to my female friend the other day, who was lamenting that she had lost the "butterflies", essentially the superficial attraction, to her BF. I told her that is completely normal, and, usually, that superficial attraction develops into a deeper, more elemental symbiosis of emotion and spirit which binds the couple, facilitated by their other areas of compatibility. In my new role as relationship supporter, I encouraged her to look at the differences in herself now versus the past and how she relates differently now. I reminded her of the ways I see her caring and loving actions for her BF and how those actions must flow from somewhere, somewhere deeper. Is it a different kind of attraction? A question to ponder. These are all ramblings of a much older person. At your age, keep things light and fun. Try not to agonize over all of this. When you look back at it many years later, you'll laugh.
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