cara4 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 This is my first post, although I have been reading for quite a while. I'm in a situation now that I could use some help with. Background: I am a 42 year old divorced woman who is educated, has a good job in IT, and I have always considered myself intelligent. I'm certainly not a beauty queen, but I am reasonably attractive. I recently met someone online, we exchanged a few emails and texts, and then had a really great phone conversation. We both travel for work and realized while we were talking that we would be out of town for a total of 2 weeks between us, so our phone conversation ended with him telling me he would call when I was back in town and asking if I would like to go out when I returned. I told him I would like that very much. Here's the problem: earlier in the conversation, he had made a couple comments about what he does, and between that, his email address and a couple other things, I have figured out who he is IRL. To say he's extremely intelligent and successful would be a huge understatement. Now I'm afraid to go out with him! I have always prided myself that I can carry on an intelligent conversation with anyone, but I've realized through this whole thing that I've always gone out with men who I felt on the same "level" with intelligence and success-wise. I find myself feeling very intimidated by this man, for the first time in my dating life. There was nothing in the phone conversation at all to make me think he is at all arrogant or anything but a very nice guy, so I'm not sure where this is coming from entirely. I have never felt this insecure and now I'm wondering if I should just not go out with him at all. I have to say that I think he would be an awesome person to get to know even as just a friend. Can I get over this? I suddenly feel so insecure about this whole situtation. I wish I hadn't figured this out until I had actually gone out with him. HELP! Cara
dreamergrl Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Why is it any different should you have found out when you met him? He is still the same person you've been carrying on with, just keep reminding yourself of that. Are you sure this is the issue, or are you getting anxious about just meeting him IRL?
Green Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Seriously I'm a man and if some ultra sucessful women who I was into wanted to go out with me and I was single of course I would go out. Don't sell yourself short you're on his level
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 You're on his level or he wouldn't be interested in meeting you. Confidence is sexy - work it! I agree with the other poster - just remind yourself that it's the same guy you've been talking to on email and phone. Don't let yourself become intimidated by his station in life. I'd be utterly flattered that a guy like that saw something in me! Go out, have a blast, and remind yourself that he picked you for a reason.
wuggle Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 If you only mix with people of the same intellectual 'level' you will only grow at the same rate they do. Nothing wrong with feeling a bit intimidated but go for it anyway. Chances are he isn't that much more intelligent anyway, different people have different specialties, I'm sure there are areas that you know more than him about.
39388 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Yes, it is wrong to feel intimidated. Why should anyone be intimidated by success? The success is a very good thing as long as he is a good person who does not let it get to his head. The only way to really know is to meet him and get to know him well. His work sucess is only one component of him anyway.
Author cara4 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Thank you all. I am very nervous about this but I am going to go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained I guess? Wish me luck!
movingonandon Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I've been frustrated multiple times (online and off) by girls who have assumed that they will have nothing in common with me, and have dismissed even the possibility to get to know each other just because of my occupation and education (and I assume - because of the stereotypes that are associated with both). These assets usually help (me), but only if a girl does not self-disqualifies herself based on the basis of, as you put it, "intimidation"... Some of my colleagues have shared the same problem. Moreover, I've dated intelligent girls, and while they're stimulating and all that, right now I'm having a great time with a silly and even somewhat childish girl --> good thing she didn't get intimidated. I don't have enough experience to evaluate the potential of this relationship, but at least I learned that that *high* levels of intelligence or education is not that important for me. Anybody with the capacity of self-awareness you demonstrate is intelligent enough for anybody else. (There are plenty of highly educated people without that capacity, and as far as I am concerned, they're dumb as doorknobs).
Chicago_Guy Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Seriously I'm a man and if some ultra sucessful women who I was into wanted to go out with me and I was single of course I would go out. Don't sell yourself short you're on his level I concur. I would definitely go out with a very successful woman unless she was very bossy or self-centered. But her success would not intimidate me.
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