Blessings Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 When someone keeps contacting you after you ignore them...what does it mean? Also should I just contact him one of these days? If I want him back or if I want to have some type of closure/friendship in the future what do I do? My friends say that he is not going to contact me anymore because I have ignored him too many times. We were in touch for awhile so I'm sure he's confused as how come I'm ignoring him when we decided to be friends. Now I'm the one who's confused and can't focus on anything because the only thing I keep thinking is "Am i blowing my chances of having something with him again?" "Does he want me back?" "Am I pushing him by ignoring him?" and the most important...HOW SHOULD I HANDLE HIM CONTACTING ME? He has told me before were not getting back but now Im thinking maybe because I backed off he misses me? But I know that is way too good to be true.. WHAT DO I DO???
SYL Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Be honest and ask him. It will put your mind and heart at ease.
stovepipe Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I say keep ignoring him. If he really wants you back he'll let you know it IMO. Think of what you did when he broke it off, begged, pleaded probably....if he REALLY wants you back. You'll know.
BCCA Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 He has told me before were not getting back Until he lets you know that this has changed, consider this statement to still be valid. Trust me, if he changed his mind, he would let you know. He probably just wants you to be there on his terms, which dont seem to be what youre after. I agree, keep ignoring him.
phxalfie Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Be honest and ask him. It will put your mind and heart at ease. I agree It is the gray areas that cause the most pain. The not knowing. It is the excitement and the sad part of life. Don't tell him you want to be friends. Friends don't ignore each others calls/sms's ect. Say what you really want. It may hurt for a while but it's than not knowing the truth. Every hear the saying "the truth will set you free"? Best!
IcemanJB Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Just tell him what you want. But from the sounds of it, he's made it clear he doesn't want to get back together, so be prepared to hear that again. I tried ignoring my ex's texts for awhile after she broke up with me, and we ran into each other at a bar one night. I ignored her for about a half hour, and finally said something to her as I was walking out the door. She looked really REALLY nervous as I was walking up to her, so I just kept it short. I got a text from her about 3 minutes later saying she wanted to talk, and I stupidly went back and we talked outside for about 45 minutes. We didn't bring up the relationship, but she had plenty of time to mention it if that's what she wanted. She mentioned that she was sad I had ignored her texts. I told her I was driving or busy or something when I had gotten them (I guess half-truths...). Anyways what I'm getting at is if he broke it off with you, he'll come to you if he really wants to get back together. He's probably just trying to relieve guilt for breaking up with you. I would recommend not pressing the issue if you've already made it known. I made it clear to my ex that I still wanted to be with her about 2 weeks before that night at the bar, so she knows what I want. I've since told her to leave me alone.
MeMyself&I Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Anyways what I'm getting at is if he broke it off with you, he'll come to you if he really wants to get back together. He's probably just trying to relieve guilt for breaking up with you. I'm not saying this to overrule what the other people have said in this thread. I agree that if the dumper wants you back they should contact you. I broke up with my Ex about a month ago. I have tried a few times to talk to him and make amends. I did not break up for someone else, nor did I cheat or he cheat on me. We both had needs that we couldn't meet for each other and at the time I thought it was best. I regretted it almost immediately. I felt I needed to tell you how I feel as the dumper. This is not to say that he feels the same way as I do but I feel it is wrong to lump all dumpers together as uncaring and not genuinely regretful or wanting a reconciliation. I have contacted him about 3 times in the last month (if you want more details let me know) There is a point where I feel I had to accept what he said and give him space. He knows how I feel and sometimes because of his rejection I now feel I am the dumpee and need to give myself time to heal and not come across needy and push him away further. So......when I hear "if he/she wants you they will make the effort" this is true. "if they want you back they will find you" true but to what extent depends on the dynamics of the people involved. My Ex hates needy. It was one of his primary stipulations when we talked about dating and what we needed from each other. So too much assertion on my part I KNOW will push him away. I intend to stay NC for a while. Not because I don't care, regret, hurt or want to be with him but because I respect him and myself enough to give us both to have time to heal and move on--whether it is together or apart. I hope this helps and I hope I made sense. I'm not telling you he 100% wants you back. Like I said everyone is unique and different. But don't totally count that possibility out.
IcemanJB Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 So......when I hear "if he/she wants you they will make the effort" this is true. "if they want you back they will find you" true but to what extent depends on the dynamics of the people involved. My Ex hates needy. It was one of his primary stipulations when we talked about dating and what we needed from each other. So too much assertion on my part I KNOW will push him away. I intend to stay NC for a while. Not because I don't care, regret, hurt or want to be with him but because I respect him and myself enough to give us both to have time to heal and move on--whether it is together or apart. I also told my ex before we started dating that I hate clinginess. She never was clingy...anyways, it's great to see the part in bold. After the bar incident I told her I wanted NC until I speak to her again, which she has honored completely. This was almost 3 months ago. It's nice to see that my initial inclinations were right on; that she respects me. To the OP, just be prepared for the worst.
MeMyself&I Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 After the bar incident I told her I wanted NC until I speak to her again, which she has honored completely. This was almost 3 months ago. It's nice to see that my initial inclinations were right on; that she respects me. To the OP, just be prepared for the worst. Iceman, It's good to see that you can look at it this way...openly after the hurt. It's been confusing to me because I see people say they have asked their ex to give them space and told them they want NC but then they say they don't care or care enough or they don't want them back--if the ex respects this!!?? I understand that some may contact you anyway.......but does that make them more deserving of forgiveness.......IDK?? If you say you don't want them to contact you.......you have to be willing to accept the consequence that they may do this--we may be at fault, but we cannot read your mind. I as a dumper do feel guilty, sad and remorseful. Saying that, after all the hurt I've caused the least I feel I could do for my ex was respect his space and words if he said that to me. And my doing this would in no way reflect the fact that I don't want him back or love him with all my heart. Right now I am doing just this. Respecting his time to heal (I need to heal too). Eventually I will contact him again--but not for a while. It's kind of a catch 22. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. IDK........just thought I'd throw this out there.
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