Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 How does a girl give off a vibe of being approachable/available but in an upbeat way, avoiding the element of desperation? I feel like whenever I try to act confident and self assured, I come across colder than I want to. I want to be seen as an easygoing (but not TOO one-of-the-boys) type. Any tips?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 You have to earn the vibe by finding a way to meet people of both sexes you like frequently and becoming comfortable in their company.
dreamergrl Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I come across the same way often. I am not very self conscious of my facial expressions. My shyness also is often seen as unapproachable, cold, b*tchy, ect ect. I'm trying to make more of an effort to smile more, giving off a happier look. I'm also horrible at eye contact, so I try to make a better effort with that too.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 To use a sports analogy trying to perfect a game means practicing component parts individually. So if you want more confidence, you need to work on other areas that build that confidence. If you want to be more open you need to work on areas that open you up. Different activities away from meeting men will help you with that. If you find an activity where your easygoing side is brought out you won't give a second thought to it in other areas of your life.
Lovelybird Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 When you ACTUALLY have that confidence (I didn't mean self puffed-up pride) in yourself, and be yourself I see you ask many this kind of questions, as if you want to typecast yourself according to others likey. Doesn't seem this is the right way All start from your heart and mind. One can superficially act certain way, but what is in your heart and mind would act out no matter what If you are a strong woman, it starts from the heart or spirit; if you are a confident woman, it starts from heart and spirit. When you aren't desperate in your heart, you just appear that way. Everything you do and say are a reflection of your heart
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Smiling is a great invitation to approach. To be honest - I guess it depends on where you are looking to be approached. Unless it's in an atmosphere where alcohol is served... I always find that men rarely approach- no matter what signal you give off! If a man makes extended eye contact with me, I always flash a big smile... he'll usually follow me around a bit (like at Chapter's or the grocery store).. And he'll stare... but won't take the next step to say hello. It bugs me.... Just say hello already!!! Do you smile a lot when you're out?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 When you ACTUALLY have that confidence (I didn't mean self puffed-up pride) in yourself, and be yourself I see you ask many this kind of questions, as if you want to typecast yourself according to others likey. Doesn't seem this is the right way All start from your heart and mind. One can superficially act certain way, but what is in your heart and mind would act out no matter what If you are a strong woman, it starts from the heart or spirit; if you are a confident woman, it starts from heart and spirit. When you aren't desperate in your heart, you just appear that way. Everything you do and say are a reflection of your heart I agree with that too. Until you've found a way to get that sort of confidence it's difficult to figure out.
Author Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 I have noticed, that women that are serially single give off a different vibe--like they are just not interested in meeting anyone--a subtly uptight aura surrounding them. I can see how it would be intimidating to guys. I want to avoid that.
Author Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 Smiling is a great invitation to approach. To be honest - I guess it depends on where you are looking to be approached. Unless it's in an atmosphere where alcohol is served... I always find that men rarely approach- no matter what signal you give off! If a man makes extended eye contact with me, I always flash a big smile... he'll usually follow me around a bit (like at Chapter's or the grocery store).. And he'll stare... but won't take the next step to say hello. It bugs me.... Just say hello already!!! Do you smile a lot when you're out? I've started smiling more often. The results I get are the same as yours--the guys notice, but they WON'T SAY HI! I would rather they not stare in the first place!
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Fake it until you make it is a great way to kick off that journey to confidence. When I was getting over my super bad depression- I forced myself to go out everyday and interact with people. I felt bad- but I'd put on the acting hat. This applied to hanging with friends as well as just striking up conversations with strangers. I practiced and faked it until it got to the point where I owned the feeling of feeling good in my own skin again. Because when you fake it- you'll get positive responses, and those will elevate you. Seriously- people under estimate the attraction of a smile... Men find women that smile and make eye contact way more approachable than a woman who crosses her arms and looks at the floor. In a pub atmosphere- all the smiling, laughing, animated characteristics will attract guys (they have the liquid courage).... But in the Grocery store and other places in broad daylight- most guys just aren't brave enough to approach.
Lovelybird Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I have noticed, that women that are serially single give off a different vibe--like they are just not interested in meeting anyone--a subtly uptight aura surrounding them. I can see how it would be intimidating to guys. I want to avoid that. It is good thing I think:D. She knows she is wanted but she doesn't want them except of that one, big difference
Author Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 It is good thing I think:D. She knows she is wanted but she doesn't want them except of that one, big difference No, the ice-queen thing isn't me. I'm a warm personality naturally and only started acting differently after being let down by a couple of guys I liked.
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I've started smiling more often. The results I get are the same as yours--the guys notice, but they WON'T SAY HI! I would rather they not stare in the first place! If they are unattractive- the staring is creepy... if they are attractive, It's welcomed! I think the problem is NOT what you are doing. What more can we do besides the smile and eye contact? Do we have to wink, maybe flash our boobs or snap our thongs to say "HEY, IT'S OKAY TO SAY HELLO TO ME". ??
Author Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 If they are unattractive- the staring is creepy... if they are attractive, It's welcomed! I think the problem is NOT what you are doing. What more can we do besides the smile and eye contact? Do we have to wink, maybe flash our boobs or snap our thongs to say "HEY, IT'S OKAY TO SAY HELLO TO ME". ?? I meant that the staring is annoying because they won't say hi afterwards, so it feels like they are teasing me. I'm with you D all the way--what do we need to do to communicate that we like the guy??? Wear a t-shirt that says, "I'm single, someone please do me?"
confused and broken Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Stop being so fake that is what will come off for sure be yourself
confused and broken Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 When I say fake I mean planning in advance how you are going to act Its not suppose to be an insult just an answer to your question
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I meant that the staring is annoying because they won't say hi afterwards, so it feels like they are teasing me. I'm with you D all the way--what do we need to do to communicate that we like the guy??? Wear a t-shirt that says, "I'm single, someone please do me?" It's funny you should mention that- I have this tee-shirt that says: "I'm not with stupid anymore".... When I wear it- and I will usually wear it to a pub or something with a pair of jeans- it's a conversation starter!!!! lol. Logo t-shirts have actually started many a conversation for me. It's frustrating- because I don't know about you, but I just won't reach out to a guy first. Not my style. I want to be approached and pursued.
Lovelybird Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Hi, I didn't listen to this CD, but I am sure it is a good resource, if you want to hear and have some real changes about self, well, here it is How to Succeed at Being Yourself by Joyce Meyer it is a book How to Be a Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer this is 5 CD's package
Author Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 It's funny you should mention that- I have this tee-shirt that says: "I'm not with stupid anymore".... When I wear it- and I will usually wear it to a pub or something with a pair of jeans- it's a conversation starter!!!! lol. Logo t-shirts have actually started many a conversation for me. It's frustrating- because I don't know about you, but I just won't reach out to a guy first. Not my style. I want to be approached and pursued. I get approached once or twice a year at best (bars do not count). And I don't think I've ever in my life really been pursued or chased--maybe once. With this in mind I have become aware that my chances may be better if I reach out first, but I'm not comfortable with that deep down.
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I get approached once or twice a year at best (bars do not count). And I don't think I've ever in my life really been pursued or chased--maybe once. With this in mind I have become aware that my chances may be better if I reach out first, but I'm not comfortable with that deep down. It rarely happens to me while doing routine things in the daylight. Usually a guy will just linger but not follow through. Yes- bars are a much different story. I won't reach out to a guy in a grocery store or something- but I'll flirt with the check out guy.... where interaction is acceptable. I've become bored and disenchanted with the dating scene lately.
Author Isolde Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 It rarely happens to me while doing routine things in the daylight. Usually a guy will just linger but not follow through. Yes- bars are a much different story. I won't reach out to a guy in a grocery store or something- but I'll flirt with the check out guy.... where interaction is acceptable. I've become bored and disenchanted with the dating scene lately. Here's to better luck for both of us this year
Yamaha Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Most guys don't approach unless they are in a social setting where it is acceptable to do so ( a bar ). They have found that unless women are open to an approach they just look silly and desperate. Most guys don't handle rejection well so they play the house rules and maximize their options.
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Most guys don't approach unless they are in a social setting where it is acceptable to do so ( a bar ). They have found that unless women are open to an approach they just look silly and desperate. Most guys don't handle rejection well so they play the house rules and maximize their options. I tend to agree with you:love: It's too bad- lots of connections are missed because of this. I have always wanted to ask- is that your actual high school year book picture? I've always been curious.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Here's to better luck for both of us this year Does v-day signify the start of a new dating year? And I hope you both have better luck this dating year, there's a couple of guys missing out somewhere.
Yamaha Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I tend to agree with you:love: It's too bad- lots of connections are missed because of this. I have always wanted to ask- is that your actual high school year book picture? I've always been curious. Yes. I'm in my thirties now so I figured it's acceptable to use an old photo.
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