monkophile Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 There's a guy I like; we've been flirting back and forth. But after findint out his age; he's 59; I'm 25 (and not to metion we live too far away for it to even work) I've decided to back off and hope we can stay friends (he's been ignoring me for going on to three months now; very unlike him). Anyway, I've decided to not contact him for at least a month (lately I've sent him an email here and there and try to call him, leaving a couple voice messages; just keeping in touch. I usually try to contact him/email him on a weekend as we both get a break from our jobs. In about a month's time I'm going to email him, telling him, among other things, that I consider him a good friend and nothing more. This weekend - Valentine's Day weekend - will be the first weekend that I will not have contacted him. Do you think he will realize that it's VD weekend, I haven't contacted him, so I just consider him a friend and he'll break out of this silence or do you think he might not even notice? PS - yes, I know, 59 - ewww, but he honestly looks 15-20 yrs younger if that matters. He's just a lot of fun to be around. We've not technically "dated"; just gone out for coffee and lunch a couple of times. He was a prof in my major (I've graduated) so I saw him often.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I've answered ALL your threads and you keep making news ones saying more or less the same thing and you've not replied back to me on anything I've said.. I'm going to parrot my response - Leave him alone. The more you email or call him, the more silence you're going to get and it'll just upset you more. He's moved on, for whatever reason. People grow apart and his silence IS telling you this. You are spending WAY too much time thinking about him. I don't mean to sound harsh here, but I highly doubt he's thinking of you much..If he was interested in you, he WOULD contact you..He hasn't. The age thing COULD be an issue for him, you two are two different places in life, whatever you shared with him is over, that connection is gone, atleast on his side. How many more months are you going to waste so you can pursue someone who isn't interested in you?
Author monkophile Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 I'm sorry - I know you've replied to these and I appreciate you taking the time, but I am NOT looking for a relationship; just a friendship (who says males and females can't be friends?) And if we had some sort of falling out where we had argued or something and THEN his silence, I would understand his silence and forget him. But he had flirted a ton with me and then all of a sudden, absolute silence. There were no warning signals, nothing, which has me confused. I just want closure - if he tells me to go to hell and I'm the worst person in the world, fine. If he tells me the age difference has him leery, fine - at least I know where I stand. I just want to know what's going on and would like to have us back the way we were - talking and keeping in touch. I value our friendship deeply and deserve answers.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Friendships can't be forced, or even 'asked for' like you are trying to do. People either naturally become friends or they don't. If you try to insist, he will simply slip farther away and you will find your emails bouncing back. If you keep on, he will probably consider a restraining order. People who try to force friendships are scary to 99.9 percent of the population. You don't see it, because you are the one trying to make it happen. You feel that your intentions are good. He, on the other hand does not trust your motives. I don't think anyone would, really in a case like this. Back off for your own good. No good will come of this, regardless of how much you value what you think you had with him.
marlena Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 yes, I know, 59 - ewww, but he honestly looks 15-20 yrs younger if that matters. Yes, it matters for however young he may look, he is still a 59 year old man both in body and mind.
anne1707 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 PS - yes, I know, 59 - ewww, but he honestly looks 15-20 yrs younger if that matters.. So whilst he is old enough to be your grandfather, he only looks old enough to be your father? Seriously this age difference is HUGE whether as lovers or friends. You are, as you have already been told, at completley different stages in life.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 But his silence, relationship or not, IS your closure. Him not contacting you, even out of friendship means that he isn't interested in pursuing anything, including a casual buddy-buddy friendship. He's moved on and let go.. It's time for you to do that as well.. You have alot to offer, so don't waste any more time on this guy..HE isn't worthy of your friendship, think of that way!
Mary3 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I dont think at 59 his sex drive is anywhere near yours. Unless of course yours is low or he takes Viagra. Either way , he might have enjoyed the attention but he seems to have moved on...
Author monkophile Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Um...honestly I never even remotely thought of him in that context. Just a friend. Perhaps he was/is attracted a little to me because I'm very mature for my age; a lot more than guys and girls my age. Perhaps I just boosted his ego. It also doesn't help that we live far away from each other (that old saying "out of sight out of mind"). PS: a friend of mine had told me that possibly he doesn't know what the hell he wants and doesn't know how to talk to me about it, so he's ignoring me. That kinda makes sense, too.
norajane Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 (who says males and females can't be friends?) HE says so, by ignoring you for 3 months. Continue contacting him and you become a stalker.
Recommended Posts