Alan430 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 hey guys i need some advice cause i really dont know how to handle things right now. Wife physically seperated about a month ago now. And yesterday i finally pushed to have our Checking account Split. Which really pissed her off but she agreed to do it. Now i got most of the bills All moved into my name and bank account split. She has called me angry and crying about 5 times over the last two weeks about Money. Money this and money that. Now we orginally agreed, i would handle all my sons bills and be legally binding on this. Everything down to the babysitter, and there would be no Child support. All she would need to do is feed him on days hes with her. She is now claiming entitilement to half of everything. SHe wants me to still maintain everything for my son fanancially and still pay her child support. Please keep in mind this is supposed to be a 50-50 legal and physical custody. Givin now that i just bought a house for her 7 months ago and alot of furniture. She left the house cause she knows she cannot maintain it but it will be ruff for me also. She took the furniture that she wanted and left what she didnt want. Basically the better higher quality and less used to fill her apartment. Beds included, me and my son share a mat on the floor for now. Now she has blown through at least 2500 dollars since she moved of my earnings, leaving me like 100 dollars in the bank. This is the type of woman she is, and im just starting to realize. We split our cell phone plans on Thursday. After she has already called me feaking out about money several times. We both picked new plans and i did what was comparable to our family plan it would run me 75 a month. She choose a plan that was 125 a month?!!??!? This concerns me because i am starting to realize she wants to live the spend free lifesytle she had with me, but she is not going to be able to afford those things. Do you guys think i should just go ahead and hire a lawyer and take her ass to court? I told her if she wants me to pay for all my sons fanancial things and to pay her child support then i will fight for Full custody. I do not want to loose the time i have with him but i cannot struggle the rest of my life while she is probably screwing her whole crew at work. As it stands now i have him every weekend which im happy with but it gives her all the freedom to be the whore she always wanted to be. So im asking should i keep giving her what she wants, just so i dont loose my son? I do not want her to be the majority of influence on his life. Sorry if i sound bitter, But when you are in pain and the only thing they seem to care about is money it just happends.
mark982 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 well if you go to court, there will be no reason for the calls.sounds like she's just tring to bleed you dry.
Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 You didn't say where you live, so laws apply in different state. If your CA its a whole different ballgame all together. I come to understand that people fall into one of two categories at a ratio of about 55/45 with the former being giving and the second group being selfish, self-centered, self focused "me,me,me" types. It sounds as though your stbxw falls in this category from what you posted. So was my XHEX, and I'm here to tell you that when it comes to this type of person ~ its NEVER enough. They will bleed you dry. (See my thread on this fourm ~ "Parential Aleination" As is, even if you went with the original agreement ~ she will always have the option of dragging you back into court. Now would be the time to strike while the iron is hot. I would get a lawyer, go for sole custody, and the house and have her pay child support. Women get custody in 90 % of divorce cases, primarly because men lay down. But in the 10% of the cases where men pursue custody they are awarded it 90% of the time. If money is an issue pre-divorce, then it will be an issue for her in that she want be able to afford to put up much of a defense.
Author Alan430 Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 Thanks Guys, I am In Georgia btw Gunny. Also wanted to thank you for my first post here and how you slaped some sense into me. It has helped me recover much quicker then i expected. I guess a am wrestling with my concerns as loosing my child for 1, and another is the guilt i would feel if i took him away from her. Guilt over how it would make my son feel, not his mother. I have been keeping recipts of when i buy him clothes take him out etc. Also keeping a journel of the things like the phone plan choice. As well as her wanting to go out to dinner with a "friend" on her night, and she didnt show up to get him until 30 minutes before his bed time, Right now she is really only spending 2-2.5 hours awake with him. And she works every sat and sun, i am hoping this will prove to be favorable in my court if i have to go that route. What about her leaving the house is that abandonment? And i personally want to keep the family home because it is stable to my son. I guess im really looking what things make it favorable for me to win custody.
Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I would say you have an excellent case for obtaining sole custody, in that: She abandoned the marriage and maritial home. Documentation of adultry Your the more stablizied of the two Your the more stablizing force in your son's life Your the more practical and level headed of the two Your putting your son's welfare and well being before your wants and needs. . Your staying in the marital home You earn more than she does and are more financially responsible You earn more money that the STBXW I wouldn't feel any guilt about seeking sole custody, from your post you sound as though your the stablizing force in your son's life. Had I known eighteen years ago about divorce what I now know. I would have gone for sole custody of my then 6 and 10 year olds. I earned the most money, offered them the most stablility, the better school choices, etc. The courts don't award sole custody just because someone has a vagina. They look at what's in the best interest of the children. From your post, (and I realize we're only hearing your side of the story ~ but I'm very well acquainted with "the story") you would IMHO be wrong in letting your wife have custody ~ as she would by default teach him that's its perfectly alright to be a selfish, self-centered, "Here's to me! And here's to you, but should we ever disagree ~ "Here's to me and screw you!!!!!") And that's not to say that's it wrong to not be a little selfish, self-centered, and self-focused, but what you want to do is teach a balance of the two personality types. Compassion for sure and certain, but come on, don't allow yourself to be played a fool! Your of the mind-set that I was eighteen years ago, I laid down and gave, and gave and gave. And all I accomplished from it was royally screwing myself. And its taken me years upon years to recover from it. Document, document, document any and everything. Save every receipt you can. Georgia mirrors Alabama and in Alabama its legal to tape telephone conversations in so long as at least one party of a two party conversation knows that its being taped, (check with an attorney in GA first) Go yea to Radio Shack, they sell and/or can order you a suction cup micorphone that attaches to your phone that you can "jack" into a hand held tape recorder to record any and all conversations between you and X. Get over the guilt, the guilt comes from the STBXW trying to guilt you into this or that, (currently over money) that's what cheater's do. It right out of the Cheater's Handbook 101. Especially when its a woman cheating on a man. If a man cheats on his wife? Its his fault! If a woman cheats on a man? Its still his fault! You''re falling for this BS and that's what it is! BS! She's trying to "guilt" you. She's selfish, self-centered, cheating, double-timing, whoring, lying, playing you for a sucker! The sooner you make your mind up to quit dragging this dead horse around with you everywhere you go the better! And while I'm at it? Where in the Sam Blazes Hell did you ever get it in your head that this was the best you could ever do, or deserve?
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