lululucy Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Last night was my birthday -- it was a big party and at the end of the night (well, more like 7 am) only a few people were still up with me. We put on Love Actually and I ended up sitting next to a guy I've known for a few years. He starts touching me under the blanket and I couldn't have been more into it. Here's where it gets complicated. 1. I have a boyfriend. He cheated on me in December which I'm pretty sure has something to do with why I don't feel guilty regarding him. 2. This guy has a girlfriend. Who I am definitely friends with. She's been really depressed since they lost their baby in August so I haven't seen her a lot but I really love her -- hence why I feel as though I should feel guilty. 3. The brother of this girl (also my ex) was there with us too, and he was the only reason we didn't just go upstairs and do the deed. This brother and I had also made out earlier in the evening. Now I cannot stop thinking about him. He left about twelve hours ago and there have not been five minutes that I haven't thought about how I want to finish what we started. He asked me if we could just keep this in mind and "go all the way" at a later date. I spoke to him today and it wasn't just the two of us being drunk, we both really want this. I just want some feedback about what you think is going on.. I had absolutely zero attraction to this guy until he started touching me and now I can't stop thinking about how much I need him. Help?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Uh. I could use a few choice, colorful words, but I'll hold back. What you're doing is not okay. The reason you don't feel guilty is because your boyfriend cheated on you, so you feel like you have some kind of "right" to cheat back. And you don't feel guilty about this guy's girlfriend because most likely in the back of your subconscious somewhere you feel like there was some girl out there that knew your BF had a GF, but ****ed him anyway - so you feel entitled. It may be the thrill of the forbidden that is drawing you to this guy. My advice (but I seriously doubt you'll take it...I see a post in the future stating that you went through with it...) is to avoid this guy like the plague. Try to fix things with your BF (counseling would be a good idea so you can let go of the December incident and move on), or if they aren't fixable - dump him. Don't just cheat on him. Do you really want to lower yourself down to his level? What he did was scummy. Don't do it.
dreamergrl Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Uh. I could use a few choice, colorful words, but I'll hold back. What you're doing is not okay. The reason you don't feel guilty is because your boyfriend cheated on you, so you feel like you have some kind of "right" to cheat back. And you don't feel guilty about this guy's girlfriend because most likely in the back of your subconscious somewhere you feel like there was some girl out there that knew your BF had a GF, but ****ed him anyway - so you feel entitled. It may be the thrill of the forbidden that is drawing you to this guy. My advice (but I seriously doubt you'll take it...I see a post in the future stating that you went through with it...) is to avoid this guy like the plague. Try to fix things with your BF (counseling would be a good idea so you can let go of the December incident and move on), or if they aren't fixable - dump him. Don't just cheat on him. Do you really want to lower yourself down to his level? What he did was scummy. Don't do it. The thing is, she should be feeling guilty for the other people she and this guy have wronged. I could also think of some choice words. I think I would get banned if I used them.
Charles1978 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Wow. You just need to be single. The titles you use for these people are just that... titles. You know exactly what is wrong here. Be honest with yourself and do what you need to do.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 The thing is, she should be feeling guilty for the other people she and this guy have wronged. I could also think of some choice words. I think I would get banned if I used them. I agree - totally. But I can understand the reasoning that she's going through to keep from feeling guilty. And yeah - the banned thing crossed my mind when the words came up for me, too. LOL I think Chris said it pretty succinctly, although my words would be more colorful.
dreamergrl Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I agree - totally. But I can understand the reasoning that she's going through to keep from feeling guilty. And yeah - the banned thing crossed my mind when the words came up for me, too. LOL I think Chris said it pretty succinctly, although my words would be more colorful. My words had some more description I do understand the reasoning, but she's not just hurting her bf, and I think there's more too it if she can't feel guilt over hurting the by-standers
Island Girl Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 You aren't happy in your relationship. It doesn't seem your boyfriend is either - he cheated just a couple of months ago. You don't feel wanted and your self esteem is in the toilet. This guy is making you feel sexy and wanted - so he is tapping into what you are yearning for. However, he is someone you should avoid for several reasons. One he has a girlfriend whom you actually like. Two - he is treating you disrespectfully and the second you do have sex with him your self esteem is going to get a negative hit and you are going to feel worse about yourself than you do now. Three - he just can not be that fantastic if he'd cheat on his girlfriend (who is suffering right now and he could care less?!!). Four - he would make these moves in front of mutual friends who know he has a girlfriend and put all of them in an extremely awkward position if the two of you were found out or noticed. (And you very well may have been.) That just goes to show he doesn't really care about those relationships either. Five - his language to you about "going all the way" at a later date shows he just sees you as a piece of *ss. He doesn't care about you or see you as anything more than a physical body that is willing. A warm blooded blow up doll so to speak. He is SO GROSS! He is a person with no conscience. You have a boyfriend who cheated and treated you that badly (why are you still with him?) and now you are drawn to another guy of the same caliber. You need to work on yourself and your self esteem. Really. What feels right at the moment will only damage you further not to mention you will be a part of hurting this other girl who you like, who is suffering because she is grieving right now, and helping her boyfriend do exactly what was done to you. Whether or not you feel guilty right now it is the wrong choice to make. Use your brain and tell this guy to take a hike. And while you are at it get rid of your boyfriend too.
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