messiah Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 good evening ladies and gentlemen, Me and this girl have been quite close. We were talking last Thursday night and I was telling her that im keen to wait for her and takes things very slow (shes been through a lot recently) because i think that she is worth it. Just the usually sweet talk nice guy stuff. I ment every word i said. She says yea well just see what happens between us further down the track. I was fine with that. Then the next day i said somethig really really stupid I really dont kno what came over me. We met up and i asked her "how about we be mates with benefits? I have needs you have needs no strings attached?" haha and she got so frickin mad cursing at me trying to hit me saying "i knew you just wantd sex! telling me all that **** the night before but you just wana get in my pants!" I really dont kno why i asked her, I just say things ive said a lot of crazy things to my past gfs and it always gets me in the **** and i never learn. Anyway its obvious she is very upset and hurt and pissed off from what i asked of her, especially how i was just sweet talking her and gaining her trust the night before. What do ppl think i should do now? any chance to salvage what ive done? any thought opinions advice would be greatly appreciated!
Geishawhelk Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Get counselling. Find out the root cause of why you constantly sabotage your relationships by opening your big mouth and sticking your foot in it, right up to the knee..... Seriously. Why do you do that?
Storyrider Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Maybe you weren't really being honest the first time or the second. It seems like you're swinging between extremes in the hopes of accidentally hitting on the truth, which is somewhere in the middle.
calazhage Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Messiah, I understand where you are coming from. You really do like her, but she is not ready for a full relationship. So you just want it to be defined somehow..
Stockalone Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 She says yea well just see what happens between us further down the track. I was fine with that. That is rather vague. Does she want to be friends only or can she see at least the possibility for a relationship? We met up and i asked her "how about we be mates with benefits? I have needs you have needs no strings attached?" haha and she got so frickin mad cursing at me trying to hit me saying "i knew you just wantd sex! telling me all that **** the night before but you just wana get in my pants!" Saying out loud what your little head is thinking, usually isn't such a good idea. In this case, it was really bad. You said she tried to hit you. Quite frankly, I think you should have taken at least one hit like a man for saying that to her, and then stop her. I really dont kno why i asked her, I just say things ive said a lot of crazy things to my past gfs and it always gets me in the **** and i never learn. Just think (with the right head) before you start talking. A lot of things sound better in our head than spoken out loud. If you are unable to do that, then maybe therapy isn't such a bad idea. Anyway its obvious she is very upset and hurt and pissed off from what i asked of her, especially how i was just sweet talking her and gaining her trust the night before. What do ppl think i should do now? any chance to salvage what ive done? any thought opinions advice would be greatly appreciated! Another blunder like this and you are toast, so no more bad jokes. What else? Apologize! Then apologize again! After that, apologize some more! Given that you are interested in her, it's not surprising that you do want to have sex with her. The problem now is, that it will be hard to convince her (if it can be done at all), that sex isn't your main interest in her. Do you want to have sex with her and that is the reason why you are willing to take things slow and be nice to her? or Are you genuinely enjoying her company and would like to have sex with her too because you like her as a person? If you actually like her, maybe you can salvage this. I would still flirt with her, but not do anything to scare her off. If she has been through a lot, she needs time. I understand the difficulty in not knowing how much time she needs to be ready for a relationship. But you have to give her that time, or walk away right now if you can't do that. I would ask her if she can see a relationship and then would want to see progress in that direction. Meaning that she will have to open up more, be willing to talk about things that bother her. Try to reach an agreement how those steps should look like and also agree on a timeframe that you are both comfortable with. If she says that could be years, then you might want to think about that. If you are willing to give it a few months, maybe she will be more at ease and be alright with such a timeframe. To see if things move into the right direction. Be nice to her (but because you want to, not because you think you have to), keep listening to her. And make sure that you never use what she tells you against her. Don't use that knowledge to push her buttons. You have to regain her trust. And you actually have to be trustworthy. If she wants to be friends and only maybe more, then you have to consider the possibility that nothing more than friends will ever happen. And protect your own feelings, you don't want to become her emotional garbage can. Only do things that you want to do and things that you will not regret if it doesn't lead to a relationship and sex. Make the first step, and then wait for her to take one step closer towards you. Only if she does that, you make another step. Nice and steady.
Author messiah Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 that is some very good advice ppl! first time ever ive been given sound advice. anyway I apologized luckily she accepted it. I told her that im a bit nuts and just say things without thinking. She knows that now. But I too dont really want to be dating her when shes not fully over her past (she has a lot of baggage and douche bag ex bfs that I dont need in my life!) so for now well just be mates. Im ok with that, if something were to happen between us in the future then thats good if not then im ok with that too. I think what she needs right now is a good mate, but i will not be subjected to being an emotional garbage can for her! thats where i draw the line. Ah maybe ill date other woman and i will definately take this as a lesson well learnt!
Author messiah Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 Messiah, I understand where you are coming from. You really do like her, but she is not ready for a full relationship. So you just want it to be defined somehow.. Yes that is exactly how i felt at the time! jesus you should be my therapist! thats great stuff. But I dont feel like that anymore. It is what it is for now. Ill just date other girls and keep her on the back burner!
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